Magpie Madness

Yep tis the season, for all you Aussies at least. Time to don the ice cream tub hat, walk around carrying sticks, stick springy things on your bike helmet, and generally duck!!!!!.

For those of you who don't know what a magpie is here's a pic.

As you can see it is a vicious man eating, flying beast that strikes fear in the heart of every man and woman in Australia. Every spring they emerge from hibernation and begin breeding. They then defend their nests from such nasties as the inappropriately dressed jogger (lets face it he's asking to be attacked).

Or they'll swoop on the unsuspecting cyclist.

She never saw danger coming, shaking head in grief.

I remember as a kid walking home from the bus stop, and hearing the familiar thump thump thump and someone shouting DUCK!!! Of course it wasn't a duck, it was a magpie swooping down on an unprotected head. For years we'd either run down the road, or carry a stick to wave above our heads. Now I've got my license I just drive down the road, they can't get me now LOL. At this time of year you see lots of sticks being waved in the air, don't think they are threatening you, they are just trying to ward off an attack. Of course if your some pervert peeping in a window and it's nightime, then yeh the person waving the stick may be threatening you, but face it, your a perv you deserve it. 

The threat of magpies, and they have hurt people before, has led to crazy inventions such as below. 

This one is actually my favourite cause apparently if your looking at the magpie they won't attack. If you don't have this helmet then the tree you walk into while looking up at the magpie will probably do more damage than the magpie. If you don't want to go to any expense, then grab a stick or an ice cream tub (make sure you consume the ice cream first), draw eyes on the back and top of the tub and fool those crazy magpies. 

I usually know the season has started not by getting attacked myself but by noticing a walkers misfortune as I drive past well protected. Regardless of how horrible it is to be swooped on I always find myself smiling at their misfortune. Sure hope karma doesn't get me for that. 

Remember the magpie is only protecting its nest, they don't really hate you, so don't get all paranoid and think the world is out to get you. Although come to think of it maybe the world is out to get you, but the magpies of this world aren't. 

Catch yas 

Cathy

And then there was 2

As I sit and ponder whether or not to pluck or shave this errant hair in my chin, I flash back to when I was a hell of a lot younger and had no chin hairs to the birth of my second daughter Caryn.

Caryn was born on the 19th August 1986, 6 days late grrrrrr. Unlike her older sister Caryn liked to ride out the pregnancy low, kicking or resting on my bladder the whole 9 mths. As I got bigger I couldn't manage stairs she was so low, which meant someone else had to do all my running around upstairs for me at work, it was a real hardship not being able to do it LOL. I left work a month before she was born to spend some time with Tara and get everything ready. Didn't take much to get ready as I had everything I needed already, but I did find myself cleaning mold off walls and ceilings, maybe out of boredom, maybe in the hope of bringing on labour.

My husband of the day, lets just refer to him as sperm donor which is much more polite than what we normally call him, had asked his brother to come and stay with us so he could look after Tara while I was in hospital. Scott was a gem, he was a chef, and boy did we eat good in that time. The morning of the 19th I was having my usual check up and while waiting could feel an annoying back pain. Nothing really surprising since I was 9 mths pregnant. My doctor told me that if she wasn't born over the weekend they'd induce me on Monday, but that I couldn't have her that day as it was his sons birthday and he had a party to attend. I laughed with him, but before I left I turned back as another back pain hit me and said, sorry but it is going to be today. I drove up to where the sperm donor worked and told him to make sure to come straight home, do not go to the pub for a beer or two, come straight home as I was having the baby today. He told me I couldn't possible know but sure he'd come straight home, HAH.

As the day wore on my back pain spread, but still not enough to go to the hospital. At about 4 pm and still no sign of the errant sperm donor (due back at 3), I asked Scott to drive me to the hospital. Now as much as I always loved his cooking, let me tell you, don't ever ask him to drive you to the hospital while your in labour, even if it is just up the road. He has a habit of talking to you while driving which is fine, but he also looks at you. Tara is bouncing away in the back seat having a great old time, while her mother is in the front in agony watching as Scott drives us straight towards a garbage truck, swerving at the last minute as his eyes find the road once more.

Luckily we all arrived in one piece, I asked him to go over to the pub and find his brother and marched on in. Got checked out and started the labour walk, up and down the corridor with other soon to be mums all in various stages of labour, but one thing stood out, I was the only one without a partner. By 5.30 pm I knew that I couldn't keep walking, so I staggered up to the nurses and was taken to the labour ward, much nicer than the one I was in with Tara, and I was alone, although able to hear the cries of other woman. The sperm donor finally arrived and was ushered in at the same time as the doctor who was supposed to give me an epidural arrived. The sperm donor reeked of beer and the nurses all looked at him with disgust, I grabbed his thumb and rebroke it for him LOL. It had only just healed, he did try and pull it away but I held on for dear life and snap. The doctor said I was too far along for an epidural, I told him yeh I know I told them not to call you. As the clock ticked over the urge to push was strong, when I could hear a voice from the corridor, 'Wait wait, don't let her push yet'. My doctor had arrived. He scooted onto the stool just in time to catch Caryn. It was actually a really good labour, pretty painless till the end and she was delivered so easily.

One look at her little face and I knew I couldn't call her Aleisha or Simone, she wasn't either of them, so it was Caryn Aleisha, and yes that's how the Aleisha is supposed to be spelt LOL.

Two completely different labours and two completely different looking but oh so beautiful baby girls. With Tara I was the lone patient in the hospital, with Caryn it was packed, I couldn't wait to get out of there and sleep in my own bed, even if the sperm donor was there too.

Caryn, you didn't feed well as you know cause I've told you countless times :), and the nurse just kept telling me to have patience. I finally had had enough and walked up to the clinic and told the nurse on duty, she's been fed and changed, you get her to shut up, before taking Tara to the park across the road. I went back 15 mins later to the sounds of Caryn still crying and the nurse on the phone to her boss almost crying as she struggled to get you to settle. Grabbing you I told her that I would never take another one of my children to their clinic, marched home and called my doctor who recommended a part soy formula. We never looked back. You loved that stuff, and started sleeping normally and putting on weight for the first time in 6 weeks.

You were advanced at sitting up and attempting to crawl, but at 4 mths we discovered you had a dislocated hip and had probably had it from birth. So it was into a plaster for you and then a brace. Don't worry I won't post the embarrassing brace pic LOL. Finally you were free and able to walk, and then before I knew it you were running. You never slowed down always on the go doing something or other. It was during this time that I finally left the sperm donor, having had enough of his constant drinking and mental abuse. We were 3 girls on our own and we loved it.

I am so proud of you and all you have achieved and are continuing to achieve. Many people would doubt your will to succeed when you got pregnant at 16, but you continued to go to school till it got to much, the did school at home before and after the birth of your son. You worked at crap jobs to get some money for the two of you, and I watched you with pride. You are now married and have had 2 other children, and then you took on a foster child. 3 children under the age of 3 with 2 of them babys and you have Jayden to take to school when you have him. And there is Jacob, your stepson, who is not with you guys full time but when he's down for holidays your house is overflowing. And still you study, continuing your dream.

I seriously don't know how you do it, but do it everyday you do. I do know that you are a strong woman and if anyone can deal with it all it's you. Despite your complaints about the mounds of washing littering your lounge room, you still manage to have a laugh, usually at yourself.

So to my beautiful second daughter, breaking of small appliances, mother full and part time to 5, student, wife, and friend, I say Happy Birthday. I love you despite the many breakages LOL, and I'm proud of you every single day.


Catch ya
Cathy

The Church of.....

non believers maybe. First let me say I have no intention of upsetting anyone or their beliefs. This is simply my own thoughts and beliefs, if you are upset by reading it, then you have my apologies. But please do not leave comments that are nasty at all towards me cause I might just send my ninja delivery dude around to sort you out.

The boy comes home from work. He got into a heated discussion with a guy from his work over religion. The guy is Catholic, went to Catholic school and knows everything. The boy also knows everything, according to him anyway, so it would of been a very interesting convo. It all started when he showed the guy a news piece on the internet about a new species discovered, and the guy scoffed saying it was all bullshit and that the media made it up. The boy is fascinated with scientific stuff so asked why he thought that. He goes because God didn't create it. Okay, 1. how the hell would he know and 2. so what, it's there it existed.

I'm a believer in what I can see. I see the tree, but to be honest I don't care where the hell it came from so long as it doesn't fall on my house, car or me. If the tree stands in the middle of the road then I'll wonder where it came from, but until then, the tree goes it's way and I go mine. I can see my oven cooking my frozen pie that I got out of my freezer, and was packaged by a machine. Machines that are all built by scientists, not created by God. Too many wars have been fought in the name of God, or Allah, to count. So why would I want to believe in a God that lets people die in his name? Why would I believe in a God that lets murderers and rapists into heaven if they repent their sins? Wars are fought because some stupid idiot decided he didn't like the fact that the other guy had more oil or land than him. Of course that idiot is usually a politician or a king, and usually male.

The guys also said that animals evolved which confused my son, until he further explained that they had no souls so they could evolve. Has that dude ever looked into a puppys eyes for goodness sake. So if animals evolved why couldn't humans? After all we are animals, the only thing that differentiates us is opposable thumbs and a bigger brain (although the brain part can be disputed).

The guy then started to spout off what he did believe, he doesn't believe in Noahs Ark, or Moses, he believes in a Higher Power, and some evolution. There is the problem. You cannot pick and choose what to believe, unless you let me do the same. I don't believe, I could be wrong. But if I am wrong you can laugh at me from heaven as I live that eternal life that will get so freaking boring after about a month (and yes I will be in heaven, cause God forgives us all). And if I'm right, I'm not going to laugh at you for being wrong, I won't make fun of you, because simply when I'm dead I'm dead, there is nothing more than that.

I love the idea of a place where our loved ones watch us from above, but I don't believe it's real. I'm all for religious freedom, and in my religion of believing in nothing I have the freedom to do just that. I don't need to swear on a bible, cause that would not stop me from lying if I was a psychopath, if I say I will tell the truth and nothing but the truth then I will, I don't need to fight for God and country, because frankly if God wants a fight, let him do it himself.

So like the tree, anyone who wants to believe in God, can go their way, and I'll go mine. We'll live quite happily, unless they fall on my house of course, so long as neither one of us tries to interfere in the lives of the other. I promise to respect your beliefs and your freedom to choose, but you must also respect mine.

Catch ya
Cathy

Who's there?

I'm pretty sure my parcel delivery dude is a ninja. Or maybe he's a samurai or just plain sneaky. I'm sitting here at my pc, which is just a few steps away from the front door, my son messaged me to ask if his parcel had a arrived, I had to get up to get the phone, and there under the door is a card. Just about to tell him, no, when I saw it, picked it up and apparently my parcel had been left on the front verandah. WTF when the hell did he come, I'm home, the only time I wasn't nothing had arrived. The logical conclusion is ninja.

Who else had the prowess to sneak up without a sound, to place a package gently enough that it doesn't even rustle. And who else could dig a pen out of a pocket and slip a note under the door without even arousing a meow from the cat? Had to be a ninja, no other answer.

Unless of course it was samurai. These dudes could jump up onto buildings wearing wooden thongs and not have a hair out of place. They wore ridiculous outfits that despite the fact part of it was a skirt, never flapped in the breeze, or appeared creased.

And both of them had weapons, that never jingled or jangled when they moved. I can hear my knees creaking every time I move slightly so how the hell they do it I don't know. The only other option other than the ninja or samurai is the fact my delivery dude is just plan sneaky.

Somehow the thought of someone like this getting that close to getting into my house is just plain scary! Especially if he looked like the above, geez that's one nasty looking dude. Don't want anyone like that in my neighbourhood thanks.

I'm going to stick with the ninja I think, they are cool, and at least they wear pants even if they easily sneak up on you to leave packages they are better than a dress wearing weirdo or a creepazoid!


Catch ya
Cathy

There comes a time...

to start thinking about an old folks home for the parents. Dad has got to be pushing 100 now (well it sure feels like it) and Mum must be not far behind. Okay so maybe they aren't really that old, but my blog I'll say what I want.

So I'm thinking it's time to start looking for that luxurious accommodation that will take them through the rest of their lives. Something by the water maybe, somewhere warm I'm thinking. So I've started shopping around. Found this perfect rustic little place by a river.

And there's no fences, just a mine field to protect the residents. They have a wonderful medical centre attached.

And it's filled with the latest equipment such as this contraption that I'm told helps with back pain and arthritis.

And this one which is the latest in acupuncture therapy.

The staff were wonderful Mum and Dad, such friendly faces and so caring of their old folk as they call them. 

Don't be put off by the uniform, they are all home made, these staff members do not care for frivolous things such as fashion they expend all their efforts and time on you, their wonderful residents. Here's a picture of the manager, he used to run a Motel but he has had dealings with old people and he seems to do an excellent job. 

They also understand that not all retirees enjoy just sitting around and relaxing while chatting with friends, so you'll have the opportunity to earn a bit of spending money. 

So I think this is the place for you both. I can just see you there now, sitting and chatting, playing tag in the minefield, sitting down and relaxing after a session on the rack or in the acupuncture therapy chair. I just know you'll love it. And don't worry we will pop out to visit you whenever we get the chance. Just sign this bit of paper and I'll look after everything this end for you, you won't need to worry about a thing, I'll pack up all your belongings and send them on to you. 

"What's that Dad? Oh that's the ambulance come to take you to your new home. Well yes they usually do put bars on the windows so that no one can break them throwing rocks. Of course Mum and Dad I'm always thinking of you. Now just let these nice gentleman strap you in, yes it's a new sort of seat belt, yeh it is a bit like a jacket Mum. Okay off you go, bye see you soon."

Catch ya

Cathy

Defining moments

Here I sit on the eve of my eldest childs 28th birthday, flashing back 28 yrs to one of the many defining moments of my life. 28 yrs ago my friend called me to tell me I better not go into labour on Friday as it was Black Friday and no way was she driving me to hospital. We laughed about it, but both of us knew with her families luck it might not be a good thing if she did have to take me. 1 am Friday the 13th found me sitting on the loo (toilet) with gastric, okay maybe tmi, but too damn bad this is my blog :). It didn't take me long to realise what I thought were cramps were actually coming at pretty regular intervals and were actually labour pains. When I could finally get up off the loo I went and woke up my husband to take me to the hospital.

My doctor worked out of Katoomba hospital which was about a half hrs drive, well when I drive anyway, from where we were living at the time. Did my husband put petrol in the car as I requested earlier in the day, of course he didn't. So we had to stop on the way to get fuel. I'm sitting in the car in agony while he's in chatting to the attendant about how he's taking his pregnant wife to hospital to have a baby. The guy was congratulating him and chatting away while I sat and waited and waited. I finally got the shits and got out and waddled around to the drivers door, it was only when he saw me getting into the car that he came running out shouting, wait wait. Pissed of with husband number 1. I totally tuned out any apologies I didn't give a damn what the bastard said. Get to the hospital and he's told he might as well go home and go to work as I'll be there for hours, naturally he does, pissed off number 2. Stuck inside a labour ward with no company just me and my yet to be born daughter, I grew more and more pissed, so that will make pissed off number 3 as I was pissed I had to get pissed at him.

Pretty much a blur for a while, until she was finally ready to be born, and the nurse announced my husband was outside all gowned up and ready to come in. Revenge time, tell him no, I don't want him in here he can fuck off, god revenge is good I felt alot better after that. The medical students were allowed to come in, didn't give a damn about them, and it was even better revenge knowing I'd let strangers in but not him. Tara turned in the birth canal, and the cord was around her neck, wasn't causing her any stress at that stage but she'd managed to get herself stuck, so they called for forceps, damn barbaric instruments of torture. At that stage though all I'm thinking is get this baby out however you damn well want. My doctor wasn't there as it turned out he was away skiing for the weekend, his doctor wife was in attendance and she couldn't operate the forceps safely so call in a specialist. When I looked up and saw him I thought he looked familiar, couldn't figure out why over the haze of pain, but it came to me later, I'd actually helped him sort out a problem with his rates before I went on maternity leave, such a small world.

Much swearing and pain later, she's born. The most beautiful baby in the world. She was covered in muck but  I didn't even notice, I'm pretty sure no mother ever does. I made a vow to myself then and there, if anyone ever did anything to hurt her I would defend her with my life and they would have to deal with me. There I was, Friday the 13th July 1984 holding this gorgeous baby that I had made, okay his sperm went into the mix too, but she was all me, which as it turned out later was a very good thing.

He was finally allowed in and began the whining about not being allowed in earlier, I shoved his daughter at him and told him, shut the fuck up hold our gorgeous baby and get over it (probably shouldn't of started the swearing in front of her then, but hey she had years to get used to it LOL). I have to admit, although it pains me greatly to say so, he was always wonderful with her, at least for the first couple of years. I could say if I knew then what I know now blah blah, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Without him I wouldn't have 2 gorgeous girls, would never of met my wonderful second husband through my ex in laws and then had my son. So despite how he turned out, it was all worth it.

Having Tara was not my first defining moment, but it is the first memorable one. We all make decisions, say yes or no to something that ends up changing our lives, but without that first yes our lives would have been completely different. We can say if I knew now till the cows come home, but we have to step back and look at our lives and would we seriously change anything. Could we honestly live without the children we have now, cause lets face it, if we were with someone else, maybe we wouldn't have children, maybe we would of had a life not worth living. Of course we might of had a better life, but despite all the crap I've been through the only thing I would change if I could is that my loved husband had not died when he did. He was always going to die, such was his illness, but I would of loved it if me and the kids could of had more time with him. If our son had of had the chance to get to know him, and if I had of had him to love for a bit longer. But again, that would of steered the course of our lives to a different place, I might not have the grandchildren I have now. Who knows how the kids would of turned out, and I don't want to change what I have now, I might be sad to have missed out on so much, and I might regret that my children missed so much, but we are happy and we have each other as well as so much more and why would anyone in their right mind want to change that.

So to my eldest child, my beautiful daughter Tara, on this the eve of your 28th birthday, I say I love you and I give thanks everyday for the joy you have given me and continue to give me as I've watched you grow and learn and begin your own journey with your husband and family. I wish for you many more defining moments of your own and a life full of as much love and joy as mine has been.

Delusion vs Reality

Delusion - I am in my late 20's, am beautiful with a gorgeous athletic body, perfect white teeth, long shiny hair.
Reality - I'm 52, average, overweight, horrible teeth and greying hair filled with split ends that only shines when it's dirty and that's from the oil.

Delusion - I live in a gorgeous home, furnished and designed by a leading designer, in ground heated pool, on 20 acres.
Reality - I'm in a government owned house that I rent, there is a bare patch on the lounge room wall where some fake mantle was taken out and the wall never painted, under the couch is a patch of carpet that doesn't match the rest, the front door is coming off it's hinges and the kitchen is a design from the 1920"s.

Delusion - I drive a classic mustang, and have a stable of cars to call on depending on my mood.
Reality - Mum and I share a Toyata Corolla that's seen better days.

Delusion - My garden is full of prize winning roses, I've received awards for the most beautiful garden in the mountains, people drive for miles just to tour my garden and I grow all my own fruit and vegetables.
Reality - I hate gardening and would rather concrete the lot of it, got a few azaleas that do alright, and the wishbone fern and uncontrollable jasmine seem to thrive, the only fruit and veg I've got is some potatoes that are growing their own vines and some wrinkled carrots in the bottom of the fridge.

Delusion - I'm a master carpenter and can fix any problems big and small in my home, I've built and designed my own walk in wardrobes and kitchen cabinets.
Reality - I can use a hammer and I know the difference between a philips head and flat screwdrivers.

Delusion - I've travelled the world as a world renowned photographer.
Reality - I've got a camera phone, and a digital somewhere. And no I haven't travelled the world, haven't even been out of Australia.

Delusion - My children all attended private schools and went on to become a leading neuro surgeon, a cardiac specialist and a racing car driver (not sure why that one but I like it LOL)
Reality - I've got 3 kids who went to public school.

Delusion - I get invited to all the openings for the newest and hottest clubs in Australia and the world.
Reality - I last went to a club for my daughters hens weekend we had chinese for lunch at the Penrith Leagues Club.

Delusion - All my clothes are designer.
Reality - I wear clothes bought at Kmart, Big W or Best and Less, I'd go Target but it's just too expensive for me.

Delusion - I take friends out sailing every weekend.
Reality - I've got a blow up model of a ship that's gathering dust in my bath.

Delusion - My maid takes care of cleaning my house and clothes, my team of gardeners looks after the grounds, my personal chef caters for me and my friends.
Reality - I'm thinking about scraping off the inch of dust that has settled on my furniture, I've got washing hanging on the line, I just looked at the yard got depressed and came back inside, whatever I eat tonight will probably be crap and cooked by me.

Delusion - I've dated the likes of Johnny Depp and Vin Diesel
Reality - I've seen their movies.

Delusion - People hang on my every word
Reality - They can't wait for me to shut up

I'm thinking the world of delusion is a lot better than my reality, bring on senility so I can live there permanently LOL.


Catch ya
Cathy