I navigate around Facebook and read it, I hear it almost daily, and I know that in the past I've said it myself. What's she talking about you ask, well it's a simple phrase really. Or rather just a few words used to encourage someone, Do it for your (insert Dad Mum Kids Partner here). I was thinking the other night, that that is just so wrong and I'm really over seeing it and hearing it. In fact I can't remember the last time I even said it. What people should be saying is Do it for yourself. It's not selfish to turn your life around for yourself. In fact that's what you should be doing. If you've got someone in your life that is bad for you, then you and only you can get them out. And you've got to do it because you want to, not because you feel that someone else wants you to.
If I ever manage to give up smoking, I'm not doing it for anyone but myself, fuck everyone else. They can tell me I'll live longer and be there longer for my grand kids and kids, but seriously it's not for them I'll do it, it's for me. And hopefully they'll enjoy having me around longer LOL. When I see comments like Do it for your Dad, well why should you. Is your Dad going to love you anymore than they already do? A parents love should be unconditional. I know that there are parents who do place conditions on their love, but lets face it, those people have no right to call themselves parents. Love is not a bargaining chip, it is that raw emotion that overwhelms you from the first moment you lay eyes on your child. It's that emotion that from the very first threatens to destroy you and changes your life forever. You don't then turn around and say oh well if you don't give up smoking (just an example) I can't love you anymore, it's not something that can just be turned off.
The greatest power in the world is the love a parent feels for a child, if we could fuel the world with that love then we would all be so much richer emotionally and there'd be no damage to the ozone layer LOL. This is not a power that can be changed by the flick of a switch. nor does it disappear when a loved one dies, it is there and will always be there.
The only time the Do it for your (insert Dad Mum Kids Partner here) sentence should be used is if your talking about the washing up or picking something up at the shops. For everything else then it's Do it for yourself. You want a better life, then you have to do it, they aren't going to do it for you, so Do it for yourself. You don't wake up in the morning and think hmmmm, how would my (Dad Mum kids partner) like me to look today, I'll just ask them before I get dressed. So don't expect them to be the reason you change yourself, it's something that you have to want to do. And people please, no matter how many times you use the sentence to try and help someone, or make them feel better, know this, it doesn't mean jackshit. It's not a motivation for them to suddenly change their lives for the better, it might sound like one, but it isn't. Honestly the first thing that pops into my head when I read it, or hear it, is fuck you I don't wanna. Okay, maybe that's just me and that little rebel who sits on both my shoulders, but if you said, "You know this is something you need to do for yourself, and I'll be here to support you in any way I can", that little rebel is more likely to stay silent. Please don't inundate me with the before mentioned sentence, my little rebels are already prepared for it LOL.
Let's face it, most of us know that our lives are fucked, the way we live is wrong, and much like the alcoholic and drug addict these lives can't be changed unless we want to change them. If you change your life for someone else, then you are using them as a crutch and if that crutch is taken away, you will have nowhere to go but back down again.
Catch yas
Cathy
As always the opinions published are my own.
