Happy New Year and I hope you all had a great Christmas. Mine was great, but there was something missing, or should I say someone.
A couple of weeks before Christmas, Mum had another fall. My plan for my leave was to get everything done in the first week, then head down to Caryns in the second week. I didn't get approved for the second weeks leave until the end Friday before I went on leave, so it was a bonus, but I would of usually gone down the first week. I'm glad I didn't get to do it that way this time, as I would of had to rush back to be with Mum. I got a call on Wednesday from a lady who had heard Mum calling out for help from her backyard. The woman happened to be a nurse visiting friends who lived behind Mum.
Any one I know on Facebook, knows that she recently had her yard done by the Rural Fire Service, and she had been most impressed. We'd had a little bit of rain so the yard was damp, and as she stepped onto the grass she slipped on the hill and down she went, landing on her left side. The story varies every time she tells it, of what she was doing outside. She told me she was going to do some gardening, then it was bringing in the washing, she's also said she was just looking at the job done, and thinking the lawn needed mowing (it didn't it had just been mowed). She has also said that a man carried her inside (she walked with assistance) and that they made her lunch and called an ambulance (they made her coffee and called me). They were wonderful and patient with her and recognised her as having alzheimers straight away. She was a nurse and knew Mum's arm was badly broken, and suggested I take her to hospital.
After waiting for about 4 hours she was finally admitted. Xrays showed a dislocated shoulder but she had splintered bones, not just broken them, splintered them. The decision was made to perform surgery the next day, and I left just before midnight, knowing she'd be looked after. The next day I found out that they weren't going to do surgery after all, given her age and the alzheimers. Elderly face bigger risks with surgery and they did not think it would improve her life at all. I was disappointed because to me it would be done, and she'd be able to be back home and we could get care for her. It was decided to send her to Katoomba Hospital which has a rehab facility, where they could monitor her pain and help her shower, etc. She is left handed, so not being able to use her left arm is difficult for her. She is able to use her right, has always been ambidextrous, but not being able to use her left at all, has thrown her.
Naturally she has been incredibly confused. I made the decision to still get away for a week as I knew she was in great hands, and my older bro and elder daughter would visit and make sure all was fine. It wasn't an easy decision, but I had to get away for a break, and it was great, just what I needed.
We had hoped to bring Mum home for Christmas Day at least, but after discussions with doctors, physios, occupational therapists and a social worker, we decided that being at my house for Christmas was too much for all of us. It had also been discovered that she had a fracture in one of the bones in her pelvis, something that hadn't been picked up before. My home is not wheelchair friendly and with 9 kids running around with a dog and 2 cats, we thought it would be too much. I visited on Christmas Day with my daughter, her hubby and 6 kids. We were able to go into the dining room, lots more space and the kids couldn't go out to the garden as it was raining. But it was good, and Mum loved it. Naturally, she totally forgot that it even happened, telling my brother how disappointed she was that they had left without visiting her LOL, he had a copy of the pic we took and showed it to her, pretty sure she would say it was photo shopped if she knew what photo shop was LOL.
After our meeting we've come to the conclusion that keeping Mum at home is no longer an option, she needs to be cared for in ways we cannot. She needs to be social and we can't be there constantly for her. We've discussed all this with Mum and she has agreed. But that was for one day, the next she wanted to know when I was taking her home. The day after it was talk about moving into an over 55's place, and that way my younger brother could live with her. Then she was back to moving to a nursing home and all happy about it. It changes daily, she called me not so long ago wanting to know what time I was going to pick her up and take her home. For most things I let her live with her delusions, but this is one thing I won't lie about. Again I told her how we were looking at nursing homes, and how we would have to sell her house, etc. Again she worried about my younger brother, again I told her he can suck it up because she is the priority. Again she asked me when I was picking her up to take her home.
The sad fact is she needs 24/7 care, and we cannot provide it for her. Sure she could go back home, sure she is capable of using the bathroom herself, doing laundry and a bit of cooking. But what happens the next time she decides she wants to bring in imaginary laundry or trim a plant that doesn't exist? Or even if she decides she can go to the shops by herself? She's had 2 falls in 6 mths, and more before that. We aren't there to monitor her every movement, we can't be because we have to work. We can't provide her with the social side of life with her peers which she needs. And to be honest I believe she'll have a blast meeting 'new' people every day, because lets face it, they will be new faces every day as she won't remember meeting them before. It's unfortunate that this is the decision we have to make, but she is not who she was, she won't ever be again, and she will only get worse.
The hospital has had to put a pressure mat at the side of her bed, as she gets up in the middle of the night and tries to walk unaided to the bathroom. She will scoff when you tell her she can't do it saying, but the bathroom is just there, and yes it is just there, but she is unstable on her feet, what if she has another fall. At first we had trouble getting her to keep her arm in the sling, much like her taking the plaster off her finger and removing the pin, she would keep taking it off. She's finally keeping that on, but we can't stop being vigilant with her. In the new year, we will start booking tours of facilities that we have selected, we have forms to fill out, she is having a new ACAT on Wednesday, and I need to speak to her solicitor about the house and what we need to do. Obviously it needs to be cleaned out LOL, but what is the next step. Never done this before, don't want to ever do it again either.
There is still funny moments, she got a lot of chocolate for Christmas, and when I get it out of her little bedside cupboard, her face lights up and she asks where I got that from, then we gorge LOL. Every time it's the same, she doesn't remember that it's there, so it's joy at the discovery. My older bro and I were chatting the other day about how having a mother in rehab is giving us street cred. The fact we come from a broken home, just adds to it all LOL. Okay my parents separated when I was 20, but hey broken home sounds better. We are planning a crime spree, figure the judge will go easier on us with the whole broken home mother in rehab thing, what chance do kids like us have LOL.
I hate that we have to do this, I hate that she can't live at home longer than she has, I hate this feeling of taking the easy way. I know it's not the easy way, I know she can't live at home, but I can still hate it. and I'll just have to deal with the guilt. Despite getting to spend Christmas with my family, Mum not being there has put a whole downer on the celebration. It is in a way similar to the first Christmas without Don, but I will get through this and I know she will be happier. She will be able to tell her stories over and over, she will be looked after, and we know she will not be out walking the streets LOL.
Catch yas in the New Year
Cathy
