Saturday morning and I'm busy working. Loving the working at home which means I don't have to get up early, get dressed and fight the commuters. I'm taking a call when the home phone rings. I have no choice but to ignore it, as I'm working, and I just knew it was Mum.
Phone stops and my mobile starts, luckily I've already got that on silent, or else my customer would of been treated to the loud sounds of Wolfmothers Woman. Press the button and shut it down.
Home phone starts again, I pick it up and hang up straight away, then it's the turn of the mobile. All I can think of is "Fuck me, what if I was sitting on the damn toilet."
I finally finish the work call and the damn home phone rings again, this time I answer it.
"Oh Cathy, I've been trying to call."
"Yeh, I know, I'm working."
"Okay, so when are you picking me up for shopping?"
"I'm not, I'm working."
"But isn't it Saturday."
"Yes Mum well done, it is Saturday but I'm working. We went shopping on Wednesday. So it's already done for this week."
"But I've got my shopping list."
"Is it all crinkly and was it in the recycling?"
"Yes, I had to dig for it."
"That's cause I threw it in there after we went shopping and got everything on the list."
"Oh, are you sure."
"Yep, gotta go Mum I'm working."
I hang up and she's still talking LOL. I finished my shift just after 4pm and at 5pm the home phone rings.
"Cathy, what time are you going to pick me up for shopping tomorrow?"
"I'm not Mum, we went shopping on Wednesday."
"Oh well your brother is worrying me, he threw out the shopping list, I just know he's doing it on purpose."
"Actually I threw it out after we'd been shopping."
"Oh well yes I know but he's worrying me and said we'd be shopping today."
"Mum, he probably didn't realise we'd already been shopping, he wasn't home, so he might not of known."
"Oh well okay then, but I need a lot of stuff."
I sighed very loudly, "Mum I'll come round tomorrow and see what you need."
"Ok then, bye."
She hangs up, before I can say bye LOL. Damn rude if you ask me LOL. So I had to go out and get some last minute presents this morning, then thought I'd call round and check on her.
"Oh hi, I wasn't expecting you today. Just want to say thanks for the other night, it was wonderful to see everyone, but so exhausting."
"Ummmm what are you talking about Mum."
"The other night you picked me up and everyone was there, was so nice."
"Must be one of those crazy dreams Mum, didn't happen."
I went off to the check the fridge, on the off chance they actually did run out of something, nope all full, just like I left it pretty much.
Sat back down with her and started filling her pill container with her drugs for the week.
"Oh thanks, I hadn't gotten around to that yet."
"I always do it for you Mum, you don't ever do it."
At that she let out a loud sigh, "I'm not infirm I know that I do it."
I looked at her and realised what I was doing, I was acting just like her and my aunt had with their mum. They always corrected her, and of course as she had dementia, this was basically all they did the whole visit. They told her constantly that she'd sold the house, that her husband was dead, etc. When I visited I always made up bullshit. I let her talk and agreed with whatever she said. When she said Eddie (grandad) was picking her up later, I asked what time. When she asked who I was married to now, I made up a fantastic story for her. And every single time, she forgot and would ask again. Didn't hurt her, and as she would laugh at my stories she had fun.
"Cathy, just wanted to say thanks for the lovely evening at your place. It was great to see everyone."
"Your welcome Mum, glad you enjoyed it. Now I'll be back tonight to bag up your hand for your shower."
"Oh thanks, are you sure you have the time? After having everyone at your place I'm sure you have a lot of cleaning to do."
"Yeh, it's fine Mum I know it's not something you can manage"
"I hope they got home okay?"
"Yeh, they sent me messages when they arrived home."
As I got in the car she was still thanking me, and you know what? even though it never happened, she was so happy. Who am I to tell her she's wrong?
Catch yas
Cathy
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Liar Liar
One of the joys of Alzheimers is the incredible dreams that the sufferer considers to be real life. They are so vivid that they are factual to them. Of course this means that their reality is completely skewed because their dreams are pure fiction. They are also pretty extravagant in their detail so they cannot be believed to be dreams.
Mum has dreamt about going to hospital, going shopping, making doctors appointments, me getting my hair cut short (that is a fantasy of hers and will never happen), being asked to drive someone somewhere (ummm we aren't letting you behind a wheel so yeh dreaming), buying something, people visiting or taking her out somewhere right down to saying that she did the washing all day and was out in the garden working, when it's actually been raining all day and she's been sewing. The individual dreams are truly works of art, while in hospital she had surgery on her back and was released that same day as she had to drive one of her grandkids to swimming lessons. Okay, fact she did have back surgery several years ago, she was in hospital and rehab for 3 weeks not overnight. Another fact, her grandkids all know how to swim, although many years ago when they were all young she did actually take them a few times for me. Now she could of been talking about the great grandkids, but nope she never takes them anywhere in her dreams as she has no car seat. Obviously my adult kids (her grandkids) don't need a car seat as they are adults. Now you and me would just laugh at this incredible dream, but to her, nope it's no dream. I had phoned her and asked her to take them, she will even be dressed and ready to go. After I explain that no this isn't happening, she will look at me then say "Are you sure?" "well yes mum I know my adult children can swim." Then she'll say, "Why did you ask me to take them then?" "Ummm I didn't. Why would I when I know they can swim." She will then get this look in her eye, the mother of old when I was telling her some bullshit about where I'd been and she knew it was a lie, but was choosing to believe me. But now it's just the same look with confusion and wonder as she tries to process why I would lie to her. That is how realistic it all is, she'd rather believe the dream than her daughter, who is an obvious liar.
Of course she wouldn't come out and say I was a liar, that would be rude, and it is possible that she's wrong although you can see her struggling to believe she could possibly be wrong LOL. If I mention something from the past that she cannot remember, I'm either lying or trying to trick her. Not sure why I would do either, but if I insist I'm not lying she'll get all shitty with me, so I just say okay. I know it happened I know it's real, but if it's too hard for her to remember then there is no harm in letting her think she's right. And hey she forgets about the whole convo in 5 seconds anyway so no biggie LOL.
Her back surgery dream was really detailed, down to the doctor who did her original surgery to the hospital she had it in. She will give you details about the op, and yet at the time she was really in hospital, she would ask me when they were going to do it, despite her already having the surgery. She told her sister who called her that for some reason she'd been left in her hospital bed in a field. Now that obviously didn't happen, but was very realistic to her. Later when we discussed it, she couldn't imagine why she would tell her sister something like that and laughed it off as the anesthetic. It probably was just that, and for anyone who has experienced the same thing after surgery or the surgery of a loved one, that is just what the Alzheimers dreams are like. Totally real to the sufferer, flights of fantasy in the real world. The difference now is that Mum totally believes these dreams, it's hard to convince her that they aren't real, but she does forget them. Of course like any person she sleeps every night, so she'll have fresh dreams, but again she does forget them.
At the moment we can be thankful that she isn't taking off in the middle of the night like my grandfather (her father) used to. My grandmother would be awoken at some ridiculously early hour of the morning, by either a taxi driver or the police bringing him home. She had the foresight to have his name address and phone number on a wrist band for him, which given his propensity for nightly wanders came in handy LOL. Or there's the time he convinced the bank manager that there was a strange woman living in his house trying to steal his money, so the bank arranged for him to be the only one able to make withdrawals, something that caused never ending embarrassment for my grandmother and hilarity for us. We really are a bunch of sickos lol.
When Nana was in the nursing home and had dementia, I delighted in spinning her tales. She would totally believe me but as the story got more and more fantastic she would stop me and say, "Cathy are you making that up?" and I'd burst out laughing. We would both have a good laugh over it, and it became our thing, of course she'd forget constantly that we were doing it, so it was even more fun for her, kind of like the surprise of the joke just never ended, and I have to admit to getting a kick out of it myself. Mum and I have a good laugh too, it's not all doom and gloom. She's even started using the line "I have Alzheimers." almost like a weapon, so I'll come back with something like "You can't use that excuse for the rest of your life." She'll fire back with "What excuse?" and we will crack up. There will come a day when she forgets that she has Alzheimers, I live in hope that a cure will come before then, and I know the advances with treatment via ultrasound have been amazing. Just wish it would hurry up and be available to all, not just the test subjects.
Catch yas
Cathy
Mum has dreamt about going to hospital, going shopping, making doctors appointments, me getting my hair cut short (that is a fantasy of hers and will never happen), being asked to drive someone somewhere (ummm we aren't letting you behind a wheel so yeh dreaming), buying something, people visiting or taking her out somewhere right down to saying that she did the washing all day and was out in the garden working, when it's actually been raining all day and she's been sewing. The individual dreams are truly works of art, while in hospital she had surgery on her back and was released that same day as she had to drive one of her grandkids to swimming lessons. Okay, fact she did have back surgery several years ago, she was in hospital and rehab for 3 weeks not overnight. Another fact, her grandkids all know how to swim, although many years ago when they were all young she did actually take them a few times for me. Now she could of been talking about the great grandkids, but nope she never takes them anywhere in her dreams as she has no car seat. Obviously my adult kids (her grandkids) don't need a car seat as they are adults. Now you and me would just laugh at this incredible dream, but to her, nope it's no dream. I had phoned her and asked her to take them, she will even be dressed and ready to go. After I explain that no this isn't happening, she will look at me then say "Are you sure?" "well yes mum I know my adult children can swim." Then she'll say, "Why did you ask me to take them then?" "Ummm I didn't. Why would I when I know they can swim." She will then get this look in her eye, the mother of old when I was telling her some bullshit about where I'd been and she knew it was a lie, but was choosing to believe me. But now it's just the same look with confusion and wonder as she tries to process why I would lie to her. That is how realistic it all is, she'd rather believe the dream than her daughter, who is an obvious liar.
Of course she wouldn't come out and say I was a liar, that would be rude, and it is possible that she's wrong although you can see her struggling to believe she could possibly be wrong LOL. If I mention something from the past that she cannot remember, I'm either lying or trying to trick her. Not sure why I would do either, but if I insist I'm not lying she'll get all shitty with me, so I just say okay. I know it happened I know it's real, but if it's too hard for her to remember then there is no harm in letting her think she's right. And hey she forgets about the whole convo in 5 seconds anyway so no biggie LOL.
Her back surgery dream was really detailed, down to the doctor who did her original surgery to the hospital she had it in. She will give you details about the op, and yet at the time she was really in hospital, she would ask me when they were going to do it, despite her already having the surgery. She told her sister who called her that for some reason she'd been left in her hospital bed in a field. Now that obviously didn't happen, but was very realistic to her. Later when we discussed it, she couldn't imagine why she would tell her sister something like that and laughed it off as the anesthetic. It probably was just that, and for anyone who has experienced the same thing after surgery or the surgery of a loved one, that is just what the Alzheimers dreams are like. Totally real to the sufferer, flights of fantasy in the real world. The difference now is that Mum totally believes these dreams, it's hard to convince her that they aren't real, but she does forget them. Of course like any person she sleeps every night, so she'll have fresh dreams, but again she does forget them.
At the moment we can be thankful that she isn't taking off in the middle of the night like my grandfather (her father) used to. My grandmother would be awoken at some ridiculously early hour of the morning, by either a taxi driver or the police bringing him home. She had the foresight to have his name address and phone number on a wrist band for him, which given his propensity for nightly wanders came in handy LOL. Or there's the time he convinced the bank manager that there was a strange woman living in his house trying to steal his money, so the bank arranged for him to be the only one able to make withdrawals, something that caused never ending embarrassment for my grandmother and hilarity for us. We really are a bunch of sickos lol.
When Nana was in the nursing home and had dementia, I delighted in spinning her tales. She would totally believe me but as the story got more and more fantastic she would stop me and say, "Cathy are you making that up?" and I'd burst out laughing. We would both have a good laugh over it, and it became our thing, of course she'd forget constantly that we were doing it, so it was even more fun for her, kind of like the surprise of the joke just never ended, and I have to admit to getting a kick out of it myself. Mum and I have a good laugh too, it's not all doom and gloom. She's even started using the line "I have Alzheimers." almost like a weapon, so I'll come back with something like "You can't use that excuse for the rest of your life." She'll fire back with "What excuse?" and we will crack up. There will come a day when she forgets that she has Alzheimers, I live in hope that a cure will come before then, and I know the advances with treatment via ultrasound have been amazing. Just wish it would hurry up and be available to all, not just the test subjects.
Catch yas
Cathy
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