Stop Thief

Went down to do my main shopping today. I get paid once a fortnight and after all the bills I get as much as I can to last the 2 weeks. A story I'm sure many of you know. I'm a widow, so it's just my salary, he didn't die leaving me a huge life insurance policy or super, it was just debt that I had to clear up by selling the house and car. 

I raised my 3 kids on a supporting parents pension, we ate a lot of crap, and I couldn't buy the kids everything I would of loved to give them. But we were together and had a roof over our heads. 

I've always had sympathy for people doing it tough, aged pensioners trying to eke out a life on the small amount they get from the government, single parents like myself trying to keep their heads above water. Even working parents, sure you get a salary, but it doesn't stop the bills from coming in. I look at people and think, I don't know you, I don't know if you struggle, or if you have a horrible life. You are just the same as me, taking it one day at a time. 

Today though, I got angry. I did my shopping, ducked into buy something else with my trolley behind me, but out of the line of sight of the shop owner. Someone walked up and just walked off with my trolley. Took everything I had just paid for as if it was nothing. Good news is that I got it all back. But the fact that someone could do that, without any problem at all, has me thinking, fuck everyone. Fuck you and your fucking sob story, I don't care. You've had it tough, tough shit, everyone has a fucking story, yours is just one of many. 

I don't like thinking like that. I like to feel that I have empathy for others and their situations. But right now, all I can think of, is sure you abandoned the trolley so you didn't get caught, but how fucking dare you take it in the first place. No matter how bad my financial situation got, I never resorted to stealing. How could I? I don't know if the person is struggling like me, they could be living in a car for all I know. The same holds true to the person who felt they had the right to steal from me. 

Sure my life is better than some, do I own my own home, nope I rent, do I have a job, yep it pays the bills, do I struggle to keep my head above water, damn straight I fucking do. Do I spend all my money on alcohol or drugs, nope, can't afford that shit. But none of that gives anyone the right to take from me. Big deal I have a trolley with food in it, and you don't, I sympathise but get your hands off my shit. There are so many organisations out there that will help people, nowadays. Not so many when I was raising my kids. If that sounds tough, then too fucking bad. This arsehole who thought they had the right to steal from a stranger has hardened me up. 

At least they have hardened me up today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, not me that's for sure. Even when I had nothing, I felt lucky that I had family around me. I had support from others. I got myself a job, I continue to do my job, even though I'd love to retire lol. I don't owe anyone with less than me anything. And right now if someone came around collecting for charity, I'd shut the door on them. 

I don't want to be someone who doesn't feel for others, or help when I can. But I just can't shake this feeling that there is someone out there, who has just done the same thing to someone who is worse off than me. Because of that, I can't feel any sympathy for the attempted thief. I have no doubt that I am not the first they've stolen from or tried to steal from, and I have no doubt that I'll be the last. Next time I go shopping, I will be on edge, I'll be watching everyone, my hand will not leave my trolley, I won't feel secure until I'm back home. And that is what fuckers like this do to us, they leave us feeling insecure, wary of strangers, and unsafe. Now in some ways that can be a good thing, but in others, that's what is wrong with this damn world. It's why so many think that carrying a gun with them at all times is okay. 

I feel sad for our world, I'm not going to say the old, 'It didn't happen in my day' bullshit, cause it did. People like this are what is making us feel that everyone is out to get us, and I don't like it. I don't normally feel this way, I'm always pretty damn casual. Sure I lock my doors and shit, but I'm not doing it because I'm paranoid, I do it cause it's smart. Now, I worry that I'll be doing it, because there is someone waiting to get me, some fucker just waiting for me to turn my back, before they stab me in it. 

Hopefully this feeling will pass, I hate it, and when I hate something I try to push it away, to move it back into that locked cage in my brain. It's just getting harder and harder to do. 

Catch yas
Cathy