So Mum rang up last night,
"Did you try to call me?"
"No, wasn't me"
Strangely when someone tries to call her she presumes it's me, I tell her that if it was me I'd try again, don't call me and waste your money on the call, and yet she still does it.
"Oh well wasn't important I guess. Anyway, I went over to the shops today to pick up a few things. I searched for that Doctor but couldn't find her."
"What Doctor Mum, if you need to see a Doctor I can make an appointment for you as soon as Sam gets back from his holiday."
"No it was the blood Doctor."
"Ummm what? You don't have any blood tests to do."
"No not a blood test, well it is, but we drew our own blood and had to drop it off. But I can't find my vial."
"Oh ok, ummm, number 1, I'm not drawing my own blood or yours."
"No no, you me and Andrew went to Penrith Showgrounds and we ran into her there. She gave us all we needed to do it, and told me I could drop off the samples on Monday."
"Again, we aren't drawing our own blood."
"You can't possibly expect me to believe this one was pure imagination. We all went and it was real."
"Yeh it was your imagination. I haven't been to the Showground for years, and I know Andrew wouldn't go and bring home a vial to draw his own blood."
"No, it was real, I can't remember her name, but......"
"Mum, stop, it wasn't real sorry but it is your imagination, the Alzheimers playing tricks on you. If we needed a blood test we would go and see the professionals, not get a dyi kit and do it ourselves. Think for a minute, does that really sound like something we'd do?"
"Yes sounds reasonable to me, are you sure?"
"Positive Mum, would never happen in a million years. Please believe me."
"Well it's just as well then, I can't find the vial of blood anywhere."
Sigh
Then she moves the conversation on and starts talking about going out to Sydney for a day with her friend Heather. Apparently Heather called and they are going to go walking around the Harbor to check out all the changes. Now that sounds feasible, but is it? That's the biggest problem, the fantasy about drawing our own blood, yeh that's impossible, but Heather could of called her, and they could of organised a day out in the city. It wouldn't be the first time they've done it, and it is entirely possible they will again.
But something in the back of my mind will say, is this real, did Heather really call? I have no fucking idea LOL. To me though it sounds great, so if it's real then I'm all for it, I know Heather would meet her at Central off the train, I know Mum can get herself onto the train, she has, after all, done it for years, so it's not something new she's learning. And I know she'd have a great time. I also know that she will tell Heather all sorts of stuff that isn't real, but she is convinced has happened, but I also know that Heather will just listen and laugh at her stories without being mean and not quite believing her like me LOL.
When the time comes for Mum to come home, Heather will put her on the train, and call me so I can meet her at the station. All will be well. I actually hope that this will happen.
Now if only I can get it out of her head that my brother and his wife are not divorced LOL. That one is harder, she is convinced of it, and when I mentioned on Saturday that they were meeting up for a holiday in the US, she said, oh have they gotten back together then.
7 times she tried to convince me it was real, that it really happened, and despite me knowing it's not true, it would be so easy to just go along with her, but this is one of those few things I won't go along with. If she says that she spoke to someone she knows from way back when at the shops, and yet I know that person died several years ago, I'll just nod my head and let her continue. If she says, she's been trying to get her washing dry for a week, I'll just agree with her, when I know that she did the laundry that morning, and it's all on the line drying in the sun. It's easy to let the simple things go, but when it's something that makes her sad, I can't. After finally convincing her it wasn't true, she breathed a sigh of relief, but I know it won't last, she'll be back on the story in no time, because it is a new thing to her, the new things are not something she can remember. As soon as she's told something isn't real, you can see the wheels turning and the light go out, before it flares to life again, and she repeats exactly what she just said as if it was never said. I hate it, but what can you do.
There is no cure. The medication she takes just slows it down. She has good days and bad. We laugh together, and insult each other (in a friendly manner) just like we always have, and that's good cause as we have always acted like that, she remembers it. She laughingly tells people I'm mean to her, when I say she can't buy something she already has. She'll tell them her daughter is now the mother and laugh. But we both know this is reality, I am becoming her mother, I have to watch what she does, I have to make her appointments and keep her pill jar full. For now, while she is not fully gripped by the disease, we can still have fun. It's exhausting work, especially when I have a job to do already, but it's something that must be done. We've gotten Power of Attorney done, the Enduring Care done (medical), I jokingly tell her that I now have the power to say pull the plug LOL. It's daunting though, and not something I'd planned on. But I guess no one ever does plan it. Life is just like that. People live and people die, diseases come and steal away the person you've known your whole life. I know this happens, I've watched my soul mate die. I always presumed I'd live longer than my parents, but who knows anything can happen. And now I can rest easy knowing that precautions have been taken for Mum, for when she gets to the stage of having to leave home, forgetting who we are, and slowly turning into someone else.
I sometimes think that it would be nice to believe in God, then at least I could pray or believe in miracles, but I don't and that's not going to change. Life is wonderful, creating a family is beyond belief, we live we love and we laugh. It's all what is supposed to happen and right now the easiest thing to do is go with the flow. Enjoy the funny moments, forget the heartache, I've done it before when Don died, I'll damn well do it again now LOL.
Catch yas
Cathy
