It might not seem like much to some, but today was the first day I've seen Mum in about 13 mths, fuck Covid. Saying hi over the phone, isn't the same, she's been confused on phones for ages and ages, so that's never easy, and doesn't give me any idea on how she really is lol. Knowing that she is healthy, and being looked after, doesn't beat the actual contact, the hug, the smiles, the laughter. But today was the day.
Once I found out restrictions were lifted it was, hooray, for about 5 minutes. Then the trepidation set in. She has Alzheimers, will she remember me, what if I get there and they say, no sorry, you can't see her, what if the vaccination had some sort of effect on her, what if she does remember me and yells at me for being away so long? Out of every thought that was forming in my brain and oozing out fear and anxiety, the worst one was if she didn't remember me, that thought was almost crippling.
Anyone who has been around someone with Alzheimers knows how quickly they can forget those they love, especially if they don't see them routinely. But, I'm happy to say, that apparently she has been looking forward to me visiting again, as per comments from staff lol.
Were there any changes? Well she is a year older, 85, now, so there is some due to age, I noticed her eyebrows are a lot whiter lol. She still has the relatively wrinkle free skin that seems to be the thing for women in her family, fingers crossed she's passed that on lol. She's more accustomed to her wheely walker. Before it was always, "Oh, I have to have that, they make me." almost complaining about it. Now she just got it and used it, no comments, although she is slower with it than she was. But again, she's older, and she isn't getting out and about walking.
She didn't have makeup on, now that to anyone who knows her was a bit of a shock, but I have to say, I liked it. I'm not a makeup wearer, at least not without bitching about it, hate the stuff, but Mum wouldn't go to the shops without it, and insisted on wearing it everyday since she's been in the home. Not having the access to me with the restrictions in place may have helped relax her makeup addiction, I wasn't buying any for her lol. She still has some, not a lot, left, but to me, the fact she didn't have any on, indicates she's relaxed enough there, not to have to wear it. It's going to save her a lot of money too.
I bought a few basic items for her, toothpaste, deodorant etc, so we ventured into her room to put them away. Also, Tara hadn't seen her room, so she wanted to take a look. Had anything changed, nope. She still had a million and one stuffed animals, no freaking idea why she buys them, cluttering up the top of her chest of drawers. All her photos had been packed away, she still seems to think she's only there for a visit, and random items were in drawers and other things. She told me she needed toothpaste, she had 2 tubes along with 2 toothbrushes in her jewellery box. Since I had bought toothpaste, she now has 3 tubes, all in the bathroom now, but they could be anywhere when I visit next time.
She has limited hanging space, so I always fold jumpers, and track pants, and they go in the drawers she has, all labelled. Most of the drawers were empty, so she has them all hanging up again lol. Still no sign of the TV remote, but she didn't tell me someone had stolen it this time, so I'll have to get a universal remote for her. Not that she's in her room much anyway, but I'd like her to be able to turn it on for the noise when she's in her room.
She still seems to think that her Mum and Dad are still alive, and today talked about her Aunty Glad and her family that have apparently been staying in different sections of the Nursing Home. They are obviously there for a break, because she did say they didn't stay long lol. She also mentioned her surprise when they arrived, marching hand in hand in height order, and she laughed at how delightful it was. The whole thing sounded scripted to me, and bugged me until I remembered later that she was reliving a scene from The Sound Of Music lol. There was also a little boy that kept asking her if she was his mother, and she said she laughed at him, and told him that she'd help him find her. Pretty sure that's from her head, cause no little kid would think this old lady was their mother lol.
But all in all, she's the same. Her memory is worse, but that's expected, she did know us, so that was a plus, and she mentioned the kids, and how she'd love to see them. Tara will organise for her kids to see her, and next family thing we do, we can pick Mum up and she can come along. I have to say how grateful I am that Tara was able to come with me, she'd obviously picked up on how nervous I was. But now I've done the first face to face, was able to give her a hug without her screaming at me like a stranger, I'll be able to continue the visits.
I'm not sure if I will go weekly or fortnightly, I say that, because I've realised how much the weekly visits effect my mental health, and that isn't good for me or her. But at the same time, if I don't go weekly, I'll probably feel guilty lol. So I'm going to play it by ear, I can either see her or not, simple.
Catch yas
Cathy
PS, I did take one of the photos with me, it's a photo of Caryn and her ex hehehe. Will have to find a new one to put in the beautiful frame.
