People, please remember that everything you don't do, regarding cleaning up and discarding unused, broken or unnecessary items, leaves something for your family to deal with, and believe me it's not fun.
Garage sale at Mum's was on Saturday. If you're not in Australia, you may not know that we had Australia Day on Friday, so I didn't have to work, woohoo. I've been trying to go around to Mum's every day to do a little bit. Got to much for me last week, with having a late shift and not finishing till 7pm, did not want to go around after work, just wanted to chill. So I took 2 days off, Wednesday and Thursday and then had the long weekend, 5 days off. Sounds great, right? 5 days off work, who doesn't love a break? Yeh, wish it had been a break. Worked non stop at Mum's, cleaning out her room, yep hadn't finished it, even after taking 30 garbage bags of clothes, shoes, bags and accessories to the op shop still had more to do.
It's been stinking hot over here, and Mum had no ac, she had a ceiling fan in her room, but all it did was stir up the dust and the warm air. Water on hand, towel to wipe the sweat from my brow, I dug in. I finished her room the first day, couldn't face attempting anything else, just wanted to jump in a cold shower, or a nice spa. Settled for the shower since I don't have a spa lol. Thursday morning, I woke with the dread of knowing I had to get around there again and continue.
Spare room this time, my old room. She still has my old bed in there, can't sell it cause it's terrible, but we'll get rid of it. Wardrobe filled with absolute garbage for the most part. Although I did find a foot spa to sell. We always knew she had a lot of material for patchwork, but when I found all the wool, I was shocked. She had bags of it, and in those bags were all started projects, that were just packed away when she lost interest. Judging by the amount she'd done on each, she lost interest very quickly. I guess I was lucky not to find any art supplies, or pottery stuff. They were also hobbies she had. I'd already thrown out a lot of books that were filled with Latin from when she did that. Then there was the computer that she went to classes for, but never quite grasped. Wasn't surprised when I saw the reams of print outs from her class, was way to technical for someone of Mum's age just starting out. She could barely operate her answering machine, and thought she could tackle a pc lol.
Kudos to her for all she had tried, and did well at. But I just wish she had of thought ahead and gotten rid of the stuff when she was done with it. Latin dictionaries, old school books, computer lessons, and more. In everything I cleaned out there was always random photos, and wait for it..............................scissors! Yep, scissors. No idea how she got so many or why she had so many, but it was raining bloody scissors.
After another day of sweating like a pig, I headed back home for another cold shower. Then I had to get to the bank for change for the garage sale, sigh.
Friday came with a groan, and I headed back around. My daughter Caryn was driving up from Henty (google it LOL) to help out. My younger brother was home so it was back into the spare room, this time to tackle the bookshelf and it's shelves bursting with magazines, all about quilting and patchwork of course. As I carried load after load out to the back room, my brother loaded boxes with books, and checked in to make sure I wasn't throwing out anything of his LOL. He's a bit of a hoarder too, but with him it's always books, and it's mostly confined to his room. There is bookshelves in the hallway, filled with books, but they are stored away so aren't an issue. On the other hand Mum kept the house clean, but every single nook and cranny was filled with material and all that goes with it.
After another sweat filled morning, I headed home for lunch and replenished my water and drank another shitload. When Caryn arrived, she thought she could get in a nap, I let her have coffee instead LOL. I don't think she'd fully grasped the enormity of the task ahead when I'd sent her pics and instant messages. Piles and piles of magazines all at least $7 a pop, plastic containers and cardboard boxes, filled with material. You'd open a door in a cupboard and there's more material LOL. We had a full basket full of scissors, another with cotton thread, another with buttons, and then there was the basket of needles and pins. Mum was always on at me to go to Spotlight to get new needles, I should of just forced her to search her house for them LOL.
We did as much as we could that night but knew it wasn't enough, it was just too much for us to handle in the heat. Having a few drinks that night we laughed over all the shit we'd found, but under the laughter was the realisation that we shouldn't have to do this. While not a full on hoarder, Mum hoarded so much crap. I'm sure she didn't realise it for the most part, she didn't remember buying stuff half the time, and to her it was quite normal to have so much material, as she was always sewing. We did have a great time looking over her old photos, she had so many different hairstyles and glasses over the years, was just hilarious. Of course, Caryn laughed very hard at the pics of me when I was younger lol.
Saturday dawned and off we set. As always happens with Garage Sales there is people there before the set time to start. We were trying to get stuff outside so we didn't have everyone walking into the house, and there was people coming down the driveway. And again, not even 8 am and I was the sweat machine lol. My other daughter Tara came down with her family, and I have to say her hubby was a great salesman, selling plants and pots outside that we didn't even think of selling, was awesome. Around 8 am, when we were scheduled to start the polite sewers arrived. They went crazy, well not crazy but were buying up the material and other stuff, having a field day. We had priced it all cheap, it wasn't anything we wanted, and they all knew that the prices were great. They were on the phone calling friends to come as well, was just fantastic.
A couple bought the basket of scissors, all of them. Naturally being macabre people we decided they must be serial killers, and as our dna and fingerprints were now on the scissors the finger of blame will be pointing directly at us lol. Another lady bought the full basket of cotton, another all the needles, went like hot cakes lol. We sold a lot of books as well, one guy bought 260 of them. Okay, so he owns a secondhand book store but still it was awesome lol. Another elderly gentleman was an absolute crackup, kept calling me girl lol. We had piles of books, and he was saying "Girl can you bend down and get that one, Nora Roberts, I want to look at all your Nora Roberts books." lol. He ended up buying a stack of them, and ordered his son (who was equally lovely) to carry them to the car. I was walking with him up the drive when he spotted the pots of orchids Mum had on the verandah. He ended up buying 2 huge pots, and arranged to come back and get them as there was no room left in the car lol.
It always amazes me what people will quibble over price wise. A huge bookshelf, selling for $15 and all these people are saying, no too much. Gave me the shits, especially when I know it cost alot more than that. But hey you don't want to pay it, don't, I wouldn't reduce the price and they left lol. There was a drink trolley that I offered to one woman for $5, no no too expensive, she came back later to get it, but I'd sold it lol.
So despite the fact there is still a shitload of books, pretty much all the magazines, and a bookshelf filled with material still left along with alot of furniture, it was a great day and we made a shitload of money. My girls help was fantastic, love them to bits.
Another thing Mum was doing was using powder constantly. When her doctor told her to use curash for a rash under her boobs, sorry tmi I know lol, she took it as gospel and used it constantly. Everything surface, every item of clothing, every nick nack, every book, and all over the carpet, fucking powder. A film of powder spreads everywhere, like some sort of creeping vine. After picking up something, your hands are covered in it. As the fans spin, the powder swirls in the air, horrible shit. Oh, speaking of fans. We had the ceiling fan in the back room on, and another smaller one we were selling. My deepest regret was selling the fan lol. I should of taken around some of mine, but someone could of sold them lol.
Sunday, I headed up to see Mum, picking Caryn up on the way, she'd spent the night at Tara's and gone out on the town lol. I was so happy to show Caryn how great the nursing home is. We went in, and the residents were all in the lounge playing games. Mum was shouting out all the answers lol. It's great and such a relief that she is really settling in well. She is basically only in her room to sleep, much like she was before she was diagnosed she is never in there, always out and about at different activities lol. We didn't stay long, it was lunchtime, but we were there long enough to see how happy she was. Sure she's still confused, and doesn't remember anything we say, but she's healthy and happy, what more could we ask for.
We did go back to Mum's and packed away some stuff, and I got photos to post online for what we didn't sell, then it was home to chill, laugh, gossip, drink and stuff our faces, perfect end to a hectic weekend. Tara texted to say she'd sold something online already lol, and that was the icing on the cake. Just perfect.
I know it's not finished, there is still the cleanup, more to try and sell, but I feel that for the first time in a long time, I'm getting myself back. No more having to go and check on Mum constantly, no more worrying about her every second of every day. I know she's in the best possible place she can be, and she's happy. The rest of it, the sale of the house and the clean up, are all just shit to get done. I'm not stressed over it. Will take it all to the tip if I have to lol.
At the end of the day, the message is this, get rid of your shit while you still can. Don't leave it to your family to do, it's not fair to expect others to do it for you. Don't waste time and money buying stuff you don't need or don't use. I'm not saying don't enjoy your life, because we should all do that, but when something is no longer needed, sell it, donate it, throw it in the trash, just clean it out.
Catch yas
Cathy
Oh almost forgot, we found her wedding dress. Was in great condition considering the last time it was worn was over 60 years ago. Caryn said "Why didn't you tell me about this dress, I could of gotten married in it?" I looked her up and down and said, "Nope would of been too small." we both cracked up lmfao.
We've always known that Mum has a lot of clothes, she has her favourites (that you see her wearing a lot), her just in cases, and her lets waste some money on something I don't need nor will I ever wear clothes. Last weekend we emptied her chest of drawers, one garbage bag of crap, one of donatable stuff, and a drawer full for her to take to the nursing home. Now don't go thinking, a drawer? seriously? you are horrible people lol. These drawers are big, she had 2 drawers full of socks, who the hell needs 70 (might be an exaggeration) pairs of socks. Black, navy, brown, white, orange, red and pale blue. My sock drawer, is black and white socks, that's it, and not even close to the number she had. She also had 2 drawers full of undies, bras and singlets. She now has 20 pairs of undies (she doesn't need that much, but they will wear out) about 4 bras, and 10 singlets. The next 2 drawers were filled with summer and winter pjs. She had enough to wear a different set every night, now she doesn't lol. She also had ones in with holes in them, or she had the pants but not the top to match, or vice a versa, pants with no elastic, and nighties that she never wears cause she hates nighties.
As I cull, I can't help but think what she could of done with the money she wasted. She could of renoed the kitchen like she wanted, or the bathroom which needed it. But nope, lets go shopping and buy shit I don't need. Had to go round to meet an agent this morning, so went early to start tackling her room again, yep still cleaning out one fucking room, and can't move onto the next until that is done. She has a small room off her bedroom, that was built as a study, but she turned into a walk in robe. That is now emptied, the 2 racks of clothes she had in there are now gone. I didn't get rid of it all lol, I have kept some, like the long sleeved tops and pants that she will need come winter. But no one needs 10 pairs of black track pants, and that isn't an exaggeration, unfortunately. I basically kept one pair of each colour for her. She can still mix and match, she likes to do that, but what she has is manageable and still more than me lol. I've got some piles that need to be labelled with the nifty new labels I got her, and stuff to pack away for winter. I was thinking today though, that with an 8 drawer chest of drawers and the wardrobe at the home, I might be able to fit all seasons in. Not that she could, but I damn well can, do it with my shit, so should be able to do it with hers lol.
I was up yesterday to take some stuff up and pay her a visit, was hanging a couple of things up and folding others, and she goes,
"Oh you need to hang those."
"They're track pants Mum, I'm not hanging track pants."
"They hold the iron crease better if hung."
"No one is ironing track pants Mum, they get folded, this is the space you have, nothing more, just this."
"Oh, can we get another wardrobe?"
I took a deep breath and said no, then continued with putting away her clothes lol.
So today I took 5 bags of clothes to donate, there are still 2 there, that I couldn't fit in the car, and I haven't started on her actual wardrobe yet. So yeh, you can see how much crap she has. I even found the covers for fold up umbrellas, she had 6 of them, no umbrellas to match just the covers lol. I also threw out most of the coat hangers she has, I'd say, out of the ones I threw away, 80% of them are the plastic ones they use in the store. And 20% of them were wire hangers that are just gross (yes Caryn, no wire hangers lol). She has 7 spare at the home, and about 30 on her bed, she won't need them, so I'll see if anyone in the family wants them, once I make sure she has enough.
Next to tackle will be her wardrobe, no doubt I'll get 5 bags to donate out of that as well, sigh. Out of the stuff I've selected for her to have at the home, I will probably cull again, seemed to me like it was too much, but it is both summer and winter, so once I sort that I'll have a better idea. Then I can finally get to her bed, strip it down, store the quilt after washing, and the blanket, the electric blanket I'll sell at the garage sale, and then I can move onto the next room. I have to admit, her room and the backroom are the worse, not going near my brothers room, that's up to him, I'd just go in there with a blow torch lol. The lounge suite is going to be sold, the tv is going with Andrew, and Mums chair is going with her, that just leaves a lamp (sell) some coffee tables (sell) exercise bike (sell), her old foldable table (not sure yet) and an old desk that is falling apart (tip). My old bedroom still has my original bed (tip), bookshelves (sell), Andrews pc and desk (going with him) and in the wardrobe, patchwork materials, wadding etc (sell). All in all, it's the clean up and deciding what needs to be preserved, like photos etc, what needs to be sold and what needs to be turfed lol.
With all of that, plus all the running around I'm doing, is it any wonder, I'm absolutely exhausted and have a constant headache. Well time to have some food, then back to it, sigh.
Catch yas
Cathy
Going to give you all a bit of background about what has been happening lately. Early December, Mum had yet another fall, which resulted in shattering bones in her arm and dislocating her shoulder, later also discovered was a small fracture in her hip. She's been in Hospital ever since.
This is Mums version, well we'll start with version one.
1. I was going outside to bring in the washing, and slipped under the clothesline. I called and called, and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee before taking me to the hospital. He was lovely.
2. I was going outside to do some gardening, when I slipped on the slope, probably because of the very long grass. I called and called for help, and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee before calling his wife, who was a nurse, and they took me to the hospital. Cathy came the next day.
3. I was outside, looking around, when I slipped on the slope, the ground was wet from the rain. I called for help and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee. His wife, who was a nurse, fixed my arm and all my cuts and scratches. She called Cathy who took me to the hospital. And I came home the next day and then went to rehab.
4. I'm not sure what happened, but a big strong man came with his wife and he carried me into the house. They called Cathy and she took me to the hospital.
Now, we don't know why she was outside. We suspect it was because she wanted to look at all the work the Rural Service had done on her yard. It had been raining heavily, so the ground was very wet. She did slip on the slope, not because of long grass, it had been mowed 3 days earlier, she wasn't gardening, it had all been done, and there was no washing on the line.
The woman who heard Mum calling for help, was a nurse, and was staying at her relatives house just behind Mum. Her husband, who was big, did not carry Mum into the house, they helped her up and she walked in. No one made her a sandwich, but she was having a cup of tea when I got there. The woman examined Mum, who had no cuts or scratches, and determined that at the least she had a dislocated shoulder, but suspected it was worse. I did drive Mum to the hospital. In all her versions there is elements of what really happened, but the recurring theme is the big strong man who carried her into the house, if I was a psychiatrist, I'd probably be able to determine why LOL.
I stayed at the hospital till about midnight, and signed her in, signed her in for surgery and signed the DNR. Get to the hospital the next day, and they've decided she's too high a risk for surgery, so they are going to let it heal on it's own, and she'd get physio.
It was decided to transfer her to Katoomba Hospital for rehab, so after 3 days in Nepean off she went. She's been there ever since. It's been over 35 days that she's been in hospital all up. We had a meeting with the physio, occupational therapist, social worker, and doctors, and determined that we all agreed it was in her best interest to go into a nursing home. She's had too many falls, each one more serious than the last, and her place is high risk for falls. We cannot sit with her 24/7, cause we have to work, and no one can afford at home care. She can't live at my place, it's to high risk for her as well, and my older brothers place is worse. It has not been an easy decision to make, but it is the right one.
What this means is 2 things, First had to find her a placement, usually means you have to wait for someone to die, and we have to sell her house to pay for this placement. It was lucky that the only place I had a chance to visit, actually opened up with a room for her. It's not the first choice of rooms, but it's comfortable and the nursing home is great. She gets to stay in the Blue Mountains, albeit further up than she has lived, but surrounded by bush and the beauty that comes with it. Her and Dad built the house she now owns, she's lived there since she was 21, or it could of been 20, she can't remember, and I wasn't born LOL. They bought the block, built the garage, lived in the garage and built the house. My older brother was born when they still lived in the garage, which is amazing. Can't picture myself in a garage with a baby lol.
Telling her what is happening is exhausting. She doesn't remember what you've just told her, so you say it all over again and again. What she does understand is that she needs to move to a nursing home. When I told her which one it was, she said, oh I would of preferred that one in Blaxland (there is none), or maybe where Nelda is ( Nelda has been her friend for years and lives in a retirement village where her and her late husband bought a unit. It does not do dementia care.) Her idea of living where Nelda is, is that they can go out together, go shopping etc. Ummm no you can't lol. Today she was telling me how she doesn't want to be stuck in the home with no chance of going out to the shops for a walk. She isn't grasping the concept, she is still thinking of it as living in a unit or something similar where she cooks and cleans, but has nurses on call. I just say to her that of course you can, not going to upset her, and since she doesn't remember what I just said, she'll ask again anyway.
When I arrived this afternoon, she asked if I was there to take her home, so I had to explain it all again to her. When I left, she asked when I was taking her home, so I just said Tuesday. When she does grasp the whole nursing home thing, she then wants to know if my younger brother Andrew will be moving in with her. To that I will always say no, not going to pretend that's happening lol. Through it all she has been concerned about him, she's worried about where he is going to go, I tell her that he's an adult, he's over 50, he has a job, he can find somewhere to live. She will then be astounded at the idea of him being over 50, but me being 58 she grasps lol.
This morning, I met my older brother at Mums to start putting some stuff together for her. I culled her wardrobe last year, pretty sure I mentioned it in a blog, but she still has so much. She had clothes she's never worn, and yet would always insist she needed more. She had clothes that are too big, or too small, pants with no elastic in the waist, pjs that are falling apart and a million pairs of socks and gloves. We've loaded a small suitcase, with some clothes for summer, undies, and socks. I have a bag with a selection of shoes, another with toiletries and her lap quilts are piled on top. I've packed enough clothes to last her a week, we filled a garbage bag full of us to send to charity, and we haven't begun to clean out her room. I will store her winter stuff somewhere here, as she only has a small wardrobe at the nursing home. I'm also planning on taking her chest of drawers up, which was full, but is now emptied. Between the 2 I will pack away enough clothes for her, and when it gets colder, will do a swap over. I was totally merciless with the clothes and jewellery. 2 drawers full of socks? No one needs that much. She has a huge built in robe, filled to the brim as well as clothes hanging in the study and others packed away. I have to make sure she has something for all 4 seasons, and if she needs anything more, it can be bought later. One thing I'm very glad of and that's that she will no longer be able to just duck to the shops and buy the paper, as she would always come home loaded down with absolute crap.
I cleaned out the bathroom, a full drawer and a half of makeup that is expired, or just empty. All gone now, took a small handful of makeup that was okay, shampoo etc, and it's not even enough to fill one of the drawers in her bathroom lol. But she does not need the rest of it. I can't help but think of how much she could of saved if she hadn't bought it all, such a waste of money. We will need to clear out the rest of the house, and finish her room of course, but it's way to much for 3 people to do in one morning. My younger brother Andrew, will take the fridge, microwave, washer and dryer as well as some bits of other furniture, and his own bedroom furniture. I'd like to give him an advance on any inheritance, but it will all depend on how much we get for the house. The bond we pay to the nursing home is fully refundable, and I want to set aside money for a funeral, and anything else she needs while she is still alive.
The whole thing is stressful, but once done, she will be in a warm, safe place, and able to live her life out comfortably. She's close enough for us all to visit, and we can, of course take her out, so for things like her birthday or Christmas she can spend with us. She wants me to take her shopping when I go, but no I won't. I'd rather take her out for morning tea, or lunch, which will be more relaxing.
So first, get her settled, next get the house cleaned up, have a garage sale, and sell the house. Then we can start to relax a bit, sigh. I've got a meeting with the solicitor in the morning, and on Tuesday, an agent is coming to give me a valuation on the house. It's all happening folks. Through it all, I can't do anything but continue to move, it has to be done, it is happening, no time to sit and think, no time to worry, just push on and get it done. Then I can sit down and pass out LOL.
Catch yas
Cathy
