Life in the Twilight Zone - Same old same old.

Same old, same old. Another Sunday morning visiting, another Sunday delivering stuff that will be forgotten within an hour, another Sunday spent doing the same thing, listening to the same stories. This is my life. Constantly on repeat, a never ending loop of the same laughter, and the same tears.

Mum, seemingly has no sense of privacy for herself anymore. I don't mean she's walking around half naked, or god forbid without her make up on, but door to her room wide open, bathroom door wide open, anyone and everyone can walk past her room and they can see her clearly. She used to be constantly covering up, shutting doors, and shouting "Don't come in I'm getting dressed". I don't know if this is part of the brain deteriorating but I presume so. She has no problem discussing her bodily functions with anyone who listens, including me lol. I don't want to hear about it, and change the subject all the time. There's only so much a child wants to hear about their parent lol. 

I couldn't see her last Sunday, the home was in shut down due to a gastro out break, didn't want that in my house, so I dropped her supplies off with one of the staff to deliver to her. She told me that she'd missed me, and that gave me hope. But it seems she thinks I haven't been to visit her for 3 months, so the hope was dashed lol. 

She's back on the old worried about my younger brother, and how she's worried about the fact he has nowhere to live. It doesn't matter how many times I assure her, he is living in a unit in Penrith, she doesn't seem to take it in. She's depressed about it, so again, I change the subject. Today I just sat with her and let her talk, same stories heard before, same complaints heard before. But, when she is depressed it's the only thing to do, so I nod, smile, laugh, and as soon as the subject creeps back to him again, I throw her off with a story about the kids, or grand kids. 

It's not easy knowing she is depressed, and has forgotten all that I've told her, and I have no doubt that next weekend it will be different, and she'll be happy again. Or at least that's the hope. One of the things she does is obsess over something, like my older brother being in a cult, never happened, but she was convinced it did. Obsessed over that one for months lol. Now she's obsessing over my younger brother, and that too shall pass. 

I hadn't had much sleep last night, so decided to have a nap after lunch, about an hour in the phone rings, and it's the nursing home with a call from her. 
"Oh Cathy, it was lovely to see you and Andrew today"
"Mum, it was just me."
"No, Andrew was with you, I hope he understands he can't live here."
"Mum, no sorry, he wasn't with me, I know you think he was, but he wasn't, we did talk about him though."
"Oh, are you sure?"
"Yes Mum, I wouldn't lie to you. I know you're worried about him, but he's fine."
:"Oh, good, I just get so muddled."
"I know Mum, it's okay, we all get muddled."
"Thanks, sorry for disturbing you, bye."

And before I have a chance to say more she's gone. Hopefully, even though it was a short convo, she's happy knowing he is okay. I guess it just goes to show, that it doesn't matter how bad she gets, she is still a mother who is worried about her children. It can be hard, was telling her about my chilblains, and she takes over the convo and starts talking about her having them once, and Nana having them. But, whatever, she's talking, she's in her world, and when she's talking she's not sad. 

One thing she has been doing since she got to the home, is buying stuffed toys. I swear I have about 30 that she has bought for the grand kids, shoved into the spare room. If the kids want them they can have them, but most of them will be donated to St Vinnies lol. Today she also had some Mr Men books, and some Paddington Bear books, can't keep that woman away from books lol. 

So I bring them home, will re home them either with the grand kids or St Vinnies, and she's happy thinking she's giving her grand kids presents that she bought. Same old, same old. We did have a good laugh today, I was telling her about anti vax groups on the internet, and one woman had been bragging about her unvaccinated grandmother and mother living to be 70, she laughed and said that well your vaccinated grandmother was 101 and I'm in my 80's, yes she couldn't remember, but knew she was more than 70 lol, but she had a good laugh about it. She doesn't understand the internet, struggled with it, even when she was okay, but she loves the stories I tell her about stuff I've read on line. 

Well folks, next Sunday will be a new day, who knows what adventures await me, how many stuff toys, how many books, lol. 

Catch yas.
Cathy