Out with the Old

Here we are, waiting for the new year to begin, and anxious for the old to end. It can't get any worse can it? 

This year hasn't been a picnic, it hasn't been the worst year I've lived through, but it's been a horror year. I'm sick of any strength sayings such as 'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger' or this one by Eleanor Roosevelt 'You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...you must do the thing you think you cannot do' well they can just fuck right off. I'm over being strong and handling it all, been there done that, I want to just be able to sit back and not think about anything at all. Wake up in the morning, work, go to bed at night, and start it all over the next day. 

I don't want to wake up to a phone call with someone on the other end relaying some sort of problem. I want to just get a call to say hi, or a call with an invite, fuck being the tower of strength in the family. Just fuck it.

My worst year was the year my husband died, I had to pull on every last reservoir of strength I had, borrowing from friends and family, just to get through it without taking the simple way out. I had to make decisions that were the best for my young family, and yet I had no clue what the fuck I was doing. Still not sure how I did it, and I'm sure I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm only human and will continue to make mistakes. To anyone who told me I was young and would move on, well fuck you too. I wasn't and aren't going to get married again, I don't want to. I like being me, single with no complications. It might of been better for the kids, but you know what, it wasn't better for me and if it wasn't better for me, it was going to make it all worse for the kids. Not sure they understand that, but I hope they do. 

After discovering in January, that Mum would not be able to live alone again, action had to be taken. She'd made the decision a few years ago to give me Power of Attorney and Enduring Power of Attorney. I took over her banking, and driving at first, simple things, but as she got worse it became clear she couldn't live at home anymore. Not without 24 hr care, which was something none of us kids could give her. I've had people tell me they sacrificed all to care for their ailing parents, well good for them. They have also tried to make me feel guilty for the way her care was handled, well fuck you. You aren't me, you aren't my family, you are nothing. Just because you were in a position to give up your job and your life, doesn't mean everyone can. If I could of done it, I would of, but to be honest, both me and Mum are happier the way it is. 

I had just begun the daunting task of searching for a home for Mum, in our area, been online and sent out feelers, had Mum's social worker searching as well. and had set up appointments to view some of the local homes. When I got a call to say there was a room available. I'd actually had a chance to tour this one, it was lovely, in the mountains, and despite the rep from my youth, was lovely. We knew her house would have to be sold, but we didn't expect to find a place for her so quickly. Once she was placed, the clean up began, my brother began taking his search for somewhere else to live more seriously. I would of loved to have kicked him in the arse over his delaying, but I also understood him, this was the only home he'd ever known, the act of packing his life into boxes was daunting, plus he still had to work. 

I took carloads of clothes, shoes, linens and handbags to donate, carloads of absolute crap and expired food to the tip. Broken things all went to the tip, we had a garage sale and got rid of all but a small amount of her piles and piles of material and other sewing supplies. There was the discoveries, the original wedding cert for my paternal grandparents, the old photos, the rsvp cards and the memoriam cards for my grandfather's funeral. The plans for the house my parents built, history was found and is treasured. My work was great, gave me time off when needed and I needed a lot, and I was able to squeeze in some much needed time away. The house sold pretty quickly, and then it was moving my brother out, getting out what we wanted to keep, and getting the house cleaned out completely. There was rubbish in the yard and under the house, old furniture that we couldn't donate, and asbestos removal. 

I had to borrow money to get it all done, I knew I'd get the money back on the house, but it still had to be paid back in the meantime. Stretched me financially, and I had to borrow from my other brother as well, but it got done, finally. There were times I thought, I couldn't go on, but if not me, who the fuck was going to get it done. I'd dealt with it in a way no one else in my family had before, when my husband died. Was easier then to be honest, not mentally, just physically I think. I sweated buckets lol. 

So that was the start of the year. The rest of the year has been spent dealing with all the other shit, getting a will drawn up for Mum, settling all her debts, and she had some surprises there (insert eye rolling), as she loved to shop. She still loves to shop, but these days it's confined to the Nursing Home op shop where the most she spends is $5 on a pair of earrings for her non pierced ears lol. Got a surprise bill from the Nursing Home, where they wanted $5000 for her care, care that I'd been assured wouldn't be billed as we were waiting on the house sale to pay her bond. I've searched and searched and can't find the paperwork I know I had, or at least my notes of who I spoke to about it. So it had to be paid, pissed me off, she's a pensioner, she had no money, and yet they did that. I'm sure that in all the mess that was her life there's something, but I'm fucked if I can find it, and even less enthusiastic about another search. I could just as easily thrown it out, thinking it was junk, I did throw out a lot of stuff. 

I have had some great laughs, like when the lawyer wanted the deeds to the house, and I searched and searched, not finding them, not realising that what I did find the Certificate of Title, was in fact the deeds to the house lol. Or the things Mum comes out with, as you would know from other blogs, she is hilarious. I've shed a lot of tears, more than I wanted to, and I've felt more alone than I ever have in my life. But I've endured, and for 2019, I don't want to just endure, I want to move forward. I want to sit back and let someone else do it all. I don't want any phone calls about any problems with anyone. I don't want anyone to think "Cathy can do it, she's tough, she can handle it.", for 2019, the strength of Cathy is closed. Work it out yourselves, instead of thinking of me, this year I'm being selfish, I think I deserve it. And for fucks sake, no more problems, only happy shit please lol. 

I know that if needed, and anyone who knows me knows it as well, that I will be there to help and to offer my strength, so despite what I say I will be there, but it is a nice thought. An entire year without any shit, without anything going wrong, just being able to sit back and relax and enjoy life for a change, would be very nice indeed lol. 

While I sit here typing and thinking, my mind is racing with things that need to be done, the back lawn needs mowing and there's a shitload of weeds to pull that if they don't get pulled will spread. There's dead branches out the back that need to be sorted, the carpet needs to be shampooed, windows washed, but fuck it. That's going to be my mantra this year, just fuck it lol. 

Happy New Year everyone, may 2019 bring you joy and happiness.

Catch yas
Cathy

Life in the Twilight Zone - And so this is Christmas

Firstly, Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you have had, or will have a fantastic day. 

It was a strange Christmas day for me today. Usually I'm surrounded by family, if not all the kids at least some of them, but not this year. My eldest went away with her family, my middle child stayed at home with hers, and my son and his gf did their own thing. I've seen them all of course, in the lead up to Christmas, but just felt weird. 

It was Mum's first Christmas in the Nursing Home, so I decided to bring her down to my place for the day. Have a nice quiet day, with an easy lunch. I figure we should do this while we still can, the day will come when it won't be possible, so have to make the most of it. I woke up late, and went off to pick her up about 10 am, couldn't believe the traffic, crazy. Despite her joy at seeing me she was confused about the fact it was Christmas Day, but was happy to go out. 

As usually, she had track pants, closed shoes, a long sleeved top and a jacket on, I had thongs, a shirt with no sleeves and 3/4 shorts lol. I suggested she change, but she wasn't having any of it. I guess because she is used to the ac in the home, it always feels cold to her. 

We drove back here without incident, I gave her her present (2 tops and some chocolates), and told her I'd bought myself something on her behalf, I didn't but I don't want her money. 

Mum: So, which one of your kids lives far away?
Me: Caryn, Mum. She lives in Henty.
Mum: Oh, that's right, I'd love to see them.
Me: They'll be up in the new year, they'll see you then.
Mum: That would be lovely. Someones here, who is it.
I glance out the window.
Me: It's Anthony and Jann, Mum.
Mum: Oh that's nice, are they together again?
Me: They were never apart Mum. 

We sat down and chatted, well Mum repeated the same story over and over, and then my nephews arrived. It was good, great to see them again, and to receive some Greg Nog (homemade eggnog with brandy). We were chatting about general things, and talk turned to the house. 

Mum: Is Dale still seeing the same girl?
Me: Yes, they live together.
Mum: Oh, I remember when they came around and Dale cut down the tree for me.
Me: No he didn't.
Mum: Yes he did. Her father is a tree cutter and he taught Dale how to cut down trees.
Me: No he didn't.
Mum: Yes, I remember.
Me: Her dad isn't a tree cutter, and Dale never cut down a tree for you. He trimmed a couple of branches but no tree cutting. 
Mum: Yes he did. Her father is a tree cutter....................................

We have no idea who she was talking about, but it wasn't my son lol. 

Mum, to my brother: What are the boys doing now?
Anthony aka Tony: Why don't you ask them they are sitting right there, and there.

Mum turns to look and seemed to be shocked they were there, and so big. It's okay for my girls to be in their 30's, but apparently his boys who are the same age as the girls, are still prepubescent lol. 

It was a good day. 

Driving Mum home later, she regaled me with stories of the nursing home, the same ones I've heard many times before, but she was happy, and despite it driving me insane the way she repeats everything, I love that she is happy. She talks about the home all the time, and how she loves all the activities and outings they have. She can be mean about some of them, and makes up wild tales about others, but all in all, she is where she needs to be. She is getting worse, it's plain to see, and as the day goes on it gets more and more obvious. But for as long as I'm able, I will take her out for days, here and there. Next trip will be shopping for some much needed comfy shoes. She has new shoes, but they are shoved in the back of her wardrobe as they are uncomfortable (she chose them). 

She also appears to have a heap of new clothes, must check the statements for the op shop at the home, she has no doubt been spending up big there lol. 

Well that's it from me for now folks, I'm going to get some leftovers and Greg Nog.

Catch yas
Cathy

PS, she also told us she wasn't doing badly for an 86 year old, she's 82 lol. 

Life in the Twilight Zone - Is it really a Nursing Home?

As per normal I visited Mum today. I have noticed after the last few weeks, that she is starting to get the shakes, and isn't colouring in as well as she used to. Her memory hasn't changed, in that I mean she has random false memories mixed in with proper memories LOL. 

Today we enjoyed our coffee and she had a caramel slice (heaven to her) and we were chatting as we always do. She asked me if I'd heard from her friend Nelda.

"Have you heard from Nelda at all?"

"No, I'm not in contact with her."

"Oh, I was wondering how she is going down in Emu Plains without Arthur."

"She isn't in Emu Plains Mum."

"Oh good, she did move then."

"She's never lived in Emu Plains Mum, when they sold the house they moved into assisted living in Springwood. They bought a 2 bedroom flat in Bucklands."

"Yes, now she lives there, but they lived in Emu Plains and that's where they were living when Arthur died. I remember going down and seeing him and then I had a look around to see if I wanted to move in there.It was just over I had that fall and hurt my shoulder. I drove there to see him one last time. It wasn't easy driving, with a broken shoulder."

For the record, Arthur passed away in Springwood, at the assisted living facility where they moved after they sold their house. Mum hasn't had a license for 3 years, and it was the hospitalisation after the fall when she broke her shoulder that let to her being transferred directly into the Nursing home. Also Arthur has been dead about 15 years I think lol. 

"Oh really Mum."

"Yes, it really wasn't the place for me, too much fussing."

"Hmmmm."

For the record, she loves someone fussing over her lol. 

"I need to let Nelda know that she could move up here now, there's so much room."

"I'm sure she's happy in her 2 bedroom apartment Mum. She'd have more room there than here."

"Oh no, over the back they have lovely apartments, I've been getting around and I know where everything is now."

Yep another for the record. Over the back of the Nursing Home, is a cliff. They'd be hard pressed to build apartments there and they'd never get approval lol. 

I showed her a pic that Dale sent me of his gf Emma, down at the snow fields, she laughed and laughed, and then asked me if I'd heard from Nelda. Rather than go down that path again, I changed the subject lol. 

We went down to her room to unpack the shopping I'd bought her. She starts fussing around, and tidying up. She had a whole pile of clothes on the chair, and I asked if they were to be washed.

"I don't know where they came from, they aren't mine."

She's obviously been shopping at the home shop again lol. But hey, it's all for a good cause, and it's an op shop so cheap as chips. I put her apples in her bowl.

"Oh that's great thanks, I take them down to the kitchen and they cut them up for me. Maybe you could bring me up a pen knife next time."

"Ummm, I'm not sure that's a good idea Mum. I don't think I like the idea of you in a Nursing Home walking around with a knife."

I had an image in my head of the shower scene in Psycho, but the shadow incorporated her walking frame lol. 

Obviously she doesn't see why I have an issue, so I offered to bring her up a switch blade to distract her. It worked she started laughing and we created images of how the old folks and staff would react if she pulled it out of her pocket lol. She had forgotten about the knife by the time I left. I've started bringing some of her winter clothes home, the ones she doesn't need now it's getting a bit warmer, and the ones she hasn't even worn while there. She panicked a bit and admonished me to make sure I kept them safe cause you just never know who could be lurking to rob me. Yes, she said lurking lol. 

As we made our way to the lift, she pointed to the doors to the staff only area,

"That's where they keep the mothers and children."

"What? Mothers and children?"

"Yes, they keep them separate so we aren't disturbed. It's a wonderful system."

"Mum, this is a Nursing Home for old people, why would they have mothers and children here?"

"Well why wouldn't they? It's a Nursing Home, they are nursing mothers."

She had a point, so I let it go, laughing maniacally on the inside lol. Every week it's something different, some new addition to where she lives. So glad I don't rely on her to direct me though, she wanted me to turn left instead of right to get to the car park. Her way would of had us tumbling off the cliff edge, my way led to the car park lol. 

They had some therapy dogs there today, so cute in their little basket. I couldn't help but imagine Zeus there. He would absolutely love it, all the pats and attention he desired, he'd probably also knock people flying as he galloped up the hallways and slid on the well polished floors lol. 

Catch yas.

Cathy

Face Palm

Never ceases to amaze me how gullible people are. Or maybe they aren't gullible maybe they just enjoy continuing the hate and spreading the bullshit. 

Social Media, is great, it can be truly awesome, but (yes folks there is always a but lol), it's also filled with hate and lies. It doesn't take much to see through the lies, a Google search, or even just common sense. That so called fact someone copied from a Government website, that is full of grammar errors and spelling mistakes?, that is not the truth. The letter a friends friends brothers friends cousin, they are sharing, is also not a fact. Don't be so damn gullible, take the time to research before you post something that is total bullshit, be responsible. And don't then defend it, you look like more of a fool when you do. 

Everyone gets up in arms over bullying, and rightly so it's disgusting. People rally and protest over the murderer who gets a lenient sentence, again rightly so. But those same people then go onto Social Media, and bully. Yep, that's what I said they bully. By posting a lie, by spreading it around, even to your small circle of friends, you are being a bully. Posting a picture of violence that is purported to be something it actually isn't, plastering someones face on line, that is all a form of bullying. You are doing exactly what a bully in a school does, picking on the weak and innocent. The police and attorneys, are the ones who build the cases against criminals, not you. For all you know that face you are spreading around gleefully, is innocent. Or you could be putting a crimp in the investigation. Sure spread around the Amber Alerts or news reports, but don't spread something around just because you see it shared on someone else's page, check your facts first. 

Don't get me wrong, I love Social Media. I love playing games on line, I love getting to know people from all over the world. But everyday I'm inundated with bullshit lol. While I get to know a lot of people, it's opened my eyes to just how gullible people can really be, and I'm absolutely gob smacked by their justifications surrounding their sharing of something so stupid a 3 year old would know it was bullshit. 

I don't claim to be the most intelligent person in the world, nor do I claim to know everything. But what I do know is that not everything I read on line is true. All the posts about some actor or singer going to share their wealth if you share their post, seriously? why the hell would you believe that, why the hell would they do that? It's such an obvious lie. And what about all the posts share with an amen if you want to help this baby blah blah. Seriously? How the hell would that help anyone? It doesn't, and it's a lie, been proven a lie time and time again. It's like the old chain letters that used to go around, if you break this chain etc, bullshit. I broke that damn chain and danced on it's remains lol. While you are sharing this supposed heartbreaking picture and story, the person who created and photo shopped it, is laughing maniacally and calling out "Suckered another one." from the basement they live in at their parents house. What they are really doing is spreading their evil tentacles around the world and loving it. Why would you want to help them do that? 

I have no doubt that there is some stories that are true, but do some research before sharing. I don't have an issue with anyone's beliefs or religion, I don't give a damn about their politics either, but I do have an issue with the sharing of what is obviously a lie. Use Social Media for the purpose it was meant to be for. Keep in contact with friends and family, play games, share jokes, post hilarious memes, or share your day. Don't use it to spread hate and lies, don't use it to spread blatant bullshit. 

Catch yas
Cathy

Fuck it Day

I need a 'fuck it' day. The day where you just say 'fuck it' and let everything slide. You might or might not get dressed, and you definitely won't shower, it's not mandatory to have clothes on while having a 'fuck it' day. but if you are a parent with young kids who are going to be there on your 'fuck it' day, it would probably be best to have something on. 

You could even include your kids, although I wouldn't recommend calling it a 'fuck it' day in front of them lol. Let's face it,whether we work out of the home, or in the home, as adults we are working every single day. If we have a day off, we are working in the garden or taking care of the house and shopping. Even in retirement, we still have responsibilities, we may not have as many, but they are still there. 

Wake up whenever you want, okay okay some of you may have babies, and they dictate your life, but do something different. Get up with the baby sure, but spend the day in your pjs. Leave that pile of washing you've got to do, forget the washing up, and the vacuuming this is a 'fuck it' day. Your kids are hungry, whatever you do, do not cook anything. A bowl of cereal for 3 meals a day is good on a 'fuck it' day. Let them grab some fruit, nothing wrong with only eating fruit for a meal. We've all done that ourselves while attempting to diet. Actually the fruit is better, no washing up sitting there trying to guilt you into actually doing something. 

'Fuck it' days are good for the whole family. Your kids will think it's great not getting dressed, like they do every other day. They'll love having you on the couch with them watching mindless cartoons. Lying in your bed with a pile of books will feel like a real treat, and they'll be begging for another 'fuck it' day before you know it. Well, hopefully they won't actually say 'fuck it' but you get my drift lol. Think of how relaxed you will all be by the time the day is over. You'll feel rejuvenated, and of course incredibly lazy, but it is an incredible way to unwind. 

I'm having a 'fuck it' day on my next day off, well hopefully, although we have a scheduled power outage, dammit. Oh well, I have the tablet and kindle, so I can still say 'fuck it' and do nothing. I'll be a sloth all day, probably stay in bed and revel in the 'fuck it' feeling. I'll forget I'm an adult, with bills to pay, and responsibilities (they are over rated anyway) and just do absolutely nothing. 

Sounds like heaven to me, and my kids are all grown up so I don't have to get them off to school, arguing the whole way there. Just a me day, a day for nothing. Ahhh. I'm feeling it already.

'Fuck it' doesn't just have to be about having a day off, it can also be for other things in your life. I've stopped arguing with someone who believes they are always right, but rarely is, instead I just smile, and in my head say 'fuck it', and walk away. Has made my life much nicer lol. It's a great stress reliever, work pisses me off all the time, but while I get rattled and tense, I always end up saying to myself 'fuck it' it's just a job. 

I still have days where saying 'fuck it' just doesn't work, it's not a cure all. But for me, it's a great stress reliever, and it helps me just step back. Push in front of me at the shops, 'fuck it', pull out in front of me on the road, 'fuck it', think you're better than me, 'fuck it' LOL. 

So there you go folks, step right up and buy Cathy's magic elixir, it will cure all your ills, cure baldness, cure that nagging wife, FUCK IT ELIXIR!!!  And it's free lol. 

Catch yas
Cathy

Life in the Twilight Zone - I'm Trapped

I've been getting into a routine with Mum, I'm only able to visit once a week, because of work. But it's working and we are getting into the routine, it's just that she doesn't remember any of it lol. 

My brother and I are always regaled by stories, none of which are true, that indicate that the other has never visited and she wants to see them. Example, to me she'll say that Anthony never comes and sees me, to him she'll say Cathy never comes and visits me. I'm not sure why she never mentions our younger brother Andrew, maybe she just knows that he can't handle it. I know it's not cause she doesn't remember him, cause she will ask after him, just never complains about him never visiting lol. 

She is usually complaining about how I never let her spend any money, or I never take her anywhere. And of course it's the never ending complaint about having run out of something. Mum has always been a big spender on a very small budget. I've had to cut through all the crap that came with taking over her finances before she went into the home and then through the sale of her house. I have money invested for her, all her bills have finally been paid, and have more left to pay for a funeral when the need arises. She got quite a bit of money, not millions or anything like that, when her Mum died, and managed to get through it all in a very short time. Mostly from buying crap that she didn't need, or never used. She did make a big investment in a new car, that subsequently got written off when some idiot ran into me. She had huge plans to remodel her kitchen, it never happened. She wanted to replace carpets, again it never happened. Instead I found virtually no trace of the money, and a personal loan that someone thought was a good idea to give her. 

I've waded through reams of receipts, piles of statements, and tiny little notes that make no sense. Now she is in a home, they feed her, care for her, provide her medications, and treat her with respect. All of this is paid for, handled by me. The home took a bond, which is refundable on her death, and I've already mentioned where the rest is. She doesn't have millions, doesn't understand that she can't spend the money she has like she used to and never will. She'll want me to take her grocery shopping, she doesn't need to go, but she always loved buying food to stock her pantry that was filled with so much crap when we were cleaning out the house, I had to take a carload to the tip, it was expired food,so I didn't donate any of it. Her laundry cupboards were bursting at the seams from all the cleaning supplies she had. I never realised cleaning supplies could actually expire, until I cleaned out her cupboards. I have half a cupboard under my kitchen sink, and a shelf in my laundry, but she had 4 big cupboards in the laundry, a double cupboard under the sink in the kitchen, a single cupboard under the sink in the bathroom, oh and a cupboard under the laundry sink, all full. That's excluded the other random places around the house she'd have something. Piles and piles of clothes and shoes, some clothes never worn, 90% of them were donated, I kept 10% for her. In her linen cupboard, she had shelves of linen, but also extra shampoos and conditioners, boxes of tissues, soaps, toothpaste, enough for an apocalypse. I have a bag in my room, filled with shampoos etc, that I just replace her current ones with, and it's still not enough. 

I don't know why she did this, none of us kids hoard stuff, well Andrew loves hoarding his books, but at least he can read them, and they don't expire. Last Sunday when I was visiting, she ran through the normal litany of needing shampoo etc, I opened her cupboard and asked her to look and see what she needed. I already knew, but she needs to look, I then made her cross things off on her shopping list. By the time I was through, the list was completely crossed out and just as I knew she needed nothing. It didn't stop her from continuously mentioning what she needed the whole time I was there though. She had clothes jammed into her wardrobe, that could be folded up, so I removed them and put them in her labelled drawers. I set the coat hangers aside to hand to the laundry staff, for reuse, and she got all upset and told me that I couldn't give her hangers away. I explained that I was just giving them to the laundry and that they'd reuse them for her, but she burst into tears and told me that they were hers, she owned them. I shoved them all onto a shelf in the wardrobe. For the record, they aren't hers, they belong to the nursing home, but I'll clear them out when she's not in the room. 

She also had a few clothes piled on a chair, I asked if they were laundry as I noticed that there was a couple of new tops in the pile, that she hadn't yet worn. She told me that she had too many clothes and was going to donate them to the charity shop. This is fine, if she wants to donate the clothes she bought, they are going to a good cause, so not a problem. I noticed a jacket in the wardrobe which wasn't hers, she told me she'd bought it from the shop. I asked her why she did that when she had others in there that she actually wore, and were a lot nicer, she said, she needed it, because I never took her shopping or let her spend her money. The clothes in the pile were all clothes we bought when I took her shopping, but I never let her buy anything sigh. 

There is absolutely no point in arguing with her, she doesn't get it anymore. Before you could reason with her, she was a very logical person, and hey it was her money, she worked hard for years to get it. But now I'm withholding her money, I'm mean, I've trapped her in a home so I can spend her money. I won't let her have her things, she has her things, well as many as is needed. She has furniture, clothes, a TV (that she will insist doesn't work or belongs to the home, it works and is mine), everything that she needs. 

I got the statement from the home, detailing all expenses, and it includes all the money she is spending in this little charity shop. I can't tell them not to let her go there, she's an addict as far as shopping is concerned, and she knows it's a charity shop so feels good about buying something. I'm thankful that they don't sell groceries or cleaning supplies, she'd be buying them for sure lol. They do sell chocolates, and chocolate biscuits, she has a labelled drawer filled with supplies, but each time I visit there is packets of lollies, or biscuits just lying around. In her head she doesn't think to check if she needs anything, she is always surprised when I open a drawer and show her whats in there. The little switch that switches on in us, doesn't switch on in her. She knows the drawers are labelled, but when you point it out, she acts like you just stuck the labels on. And yet she'll tell you she knows they are labelled. It's frustrating and infuriating, it's stress causing, and sad. But what can you do? 

My job in customer service means I have to maintain a cheerful attitude all week, as I listen to a litany of complaints against our company or talk to someone who can't understand that you can't do what they want, just because they want it lol. Talking for 30 minutes to someone about how to get their pc to work (that's not my job, but I take the time to guide people through problems) is draining. And then on Sunday, I have to talk to Mum the same. The big difference is that this is my Mum, I shouldn't have to do this. We used to do our grocery shopping together on Saturday mornings, stopping for coffee and cake. Now I have one day to myself, one day to get over the week of work before visiting Mum and putting on the false face again. Alzheimers fucking sucks. 

I sometimes wonder if there will come a day when I just walk out and say fuck it, taking off somewhere without my phone, and not telling anyone where I'm going. I know there is a lot of days I want to, but I also know that I won't do that. For one thing it would be selfish for another I'm the sort of person that has to plan things, and I'd have to figure out how to withdraw all my cash, can't use cards when your walking out and saying fuck it lol, then there's the fact I love my bed, I might have to sleep in the car and couldn't do that. I'd be worrying about who was going to feed the cats, and did I remember to say goodbye to the kids (wait can't do that if I'm walking out lol). And mostly I'd be worried about Mum. Sure she's safe were she is, and 90% of the time she doesn't even remember I visited, but I remember. I remember how she was when we were kids, I remember that she gave birth to us, and I remember that she looked after us and made sure we were fed, clothed and housed. So now that's what I have to do, who cares if that was never my plan, it's my life now. Who cares if she thinks I'm mean, who cares if she thinks she needs more damn shampoo. One day I will have that time to myself, one day it will just be me time, one day she will die. In the meantime I'm trapped, but not in a bad way. It's a paying back the woman who provided for me, the woman who was there for me (whether I wanted it or not) kind of way. It's family. 

Catch yas 
Cathy

Life in the Twilight Zone - Everyday is New

I took Mum to Katoomba today to pick up her new glasses, that we had ordered last Saturday. They did them express which was awesome, as her old ones had broken. She was very excited to be going out when I picked her up, and made sure to bundle up as she knows Katoomba can be cold. In the car she wanted to know if she could buy some gloves, 

"You have gloves Mum, you just forgot them."

"No I don't think so."

I just kept driving lol. As we drove she regaled me of tales of all the new people she has been meeting, tales she has told me a million times before, and I just kept nodding and mmmming every now and then. Once we got to Katoomba, she asked where her gloves were, so I told her she'd forgotten to bring them. 

We get to OPSM walk in and she's directed to a seat to try on her new glasses. They fit perfectly, and she was so glad to be able to see properly again. I had decided to treat her to a coffee and some raisin toast while we were out, as I didn't start work till late. Little things like this just make her day, and it's not hard to suffer through eating some raisin toast lol. 

"I really like my new glasses," she says. "I'm surprised they knew my prescription."

"We went in on Saturday and they tested your eyes Mum."

"I don't remember that, are you sure."

"Yes Mum, how else would they know your prescription, they aren't magic."

"Oh, well they picked nice frames."

"I picked them out for you on Saturday Mum, I showed them to you then."

"Oh, well I don't remember."

That was pretty clear lol. We naturally had to duck into the supermarket because she always has to get something. She headed for the fruit and veg muttering about needing some potatoes.

"Mum, you don't need any food, the nursing home feeds you."

"Oh, but I should buy something to give them as a donation. I'm sure they have a limited supply." 

"No Mum, they have potato farms, they don't need any."

"Oh okay, wait, what?"

"Just joking Mum, come on, you need toothpaste."

Distraction complete lol. She also apparently needed a lot of other things, but I managed to deter her from 90% of them, as she really doesn't need them. 

On the way back to the Nursing Home, she again regaled me with the same stories she told me on the way to Katoomba, so again I tuned out, and occasionally offered a remark as if I hadn't heard the story before. When we got to the home, she practically dived out of the car to hurry off to see if she'd missed anything lol. She does that now, she gets fretful if she's gone too long. When we went inside she discovered her French class already under way, so with directions to me to take her shopping and put it away (she practically flung it at me) she sat down to begin her class lol. 

On my way home, I was thinking about how to her every single day is packed full of meeting new people, and having new adventures. It's a brand new world every single day. For me it's all same old same old, but for her it's fresh and new. I'm kind of jealous. It's not that I want Alzheimers, I sure as shit don't, but the wonder in her face whenever we go anywhere, or when she shows me around the home is amazing. She is and always has been a very social person, and that hasn't changed. She remembers some names, but not faces so much, and the fact that she can't remember them, does not deter her from sitting down for a chat, or for taking part in French class or a quiz. 

She has moments of complete clarity. 

"Coles wasn't in Katoomba when you lived here was it?"

I'm usually to amazed she remembered something to answer straight away lol. But she's right it wasn't. It's all different to when I lived there. And like a child, if you distract her she will forget what she was talking about or obsessing over lol. We laugh and crack jokes just like we always have, but now I can use the same old joke and lines over and over again, and she will giggle or bray with laughter as it's all new to her lol. 

It's a truly wondrous world we live in, and sometimes it takes someone with Alzheimers to remind us just how truly wonderful it is. 

Catch yas
Cathy

Life in the Twilight Zone - Done

Well not done done, Mum is still kicking LOL. Done with the house, done. Finally.

There is so much to do when selling, it's not all about keeping the place clean and tidy for open houses, or the odd drop ins. It's not about keeping in touch with your Solicitor and Real Estate Agent. It's not about changing addresses, and closing services. It's not about making sure all the bills are paid. At least it hasn't been for me. Sure those things need doing, but they are minor compared with dealing with the home of someone who has lived there for 60 years. Someone who built the house and has never lived anywhere else. And it's all about their fucking crap. 

I get that there is going to be stuff, I have stuff, I'm sure you have stuff, but bloody hell, my mother had S T U F F. Yep, need to use caps for that one. I had 2 weeks annual leave, wanted to get away totally for the first week and a bit, so headed down to my daughters. Sounded crazy to her that I wanted to go down and relax when she has 4 kids 7 and under. But after everything that's been going on with Mum, it was like stepping into another world. A world of screaming kids, kids that would throw a tantrum over a missing lego piece, kids that would be all over you, and not let you watch what you wanted on TV lol. And I loved it, every single second of it. No sleep ins, but lots of naps, which didn't necessarily involve sleeping, just time reading in bed. At home I would of been stressed to the max, there, I had nothing to worry about. It was fan bloody tastic. 

Second week, not so much. My brother had found a place to move to, woohoo. But this of course involved getting him and his crap out of the house in my last week of leave. Naturally he didn't have leave, so I was doing the main part all week. I had to deal with his depression over having to leave the only home he's ever known, and his stress, as well as my own. He has had months to get organised, but was he? Nope, not a fucking chance of that. He also had no clue what he was doing about finding a place as he has never had to before. So I had to teach him, cause I've done it a gazillion times. 

I told him to cull his shit. He went from a 3 bedroom house, with heaps of storage and space, to a one bedroom, with nada lol. I walked through the place with him, and his form, and noted all the shit that they hadn't put down as being broken, or damaged. He asked why he had to and I said, do you want to be blamed when and if you ever move out? To me it's logical, but to someone who's never done it, it's weird. That first week, I took a load down every day. Kitchen stuff he wanted, books, clothes, linen. The house wasn't anywhere near empty even with that. On the last weekend, I hired a ute for the Saturday. We had a few bigish pieces of stuff that had to come up here, and the rest of his million and one crates of fucking books. We also stopped off while we had the ute and picked him up a fridge and couch. Mums fridge is a huge side by side 2 door, no way could he fit that in, so that's my sons now, and the couch was an old shit thing 3 seater that he hated. He had the cash so we got a smaller fridge and 2 seater couch for him. 

We loaded in crates, boxes, loose crap both small and big, drove up and down, and still it wasn't enough. Sunday meant more trips in the car, up and down, round and round. And he was still packing shit up as we went. Why the hell one person needs 6 fucking back packs when they only use 1, is beyond me. And yet the kitchen stuff was only 2 to 3 boxes, boggles my mind lol. He currently has 4 bookshelf's in his bedroom, and one in the lounge room, and they are all double shelved (2 rows of books on each shelf) and he still has more to unpack. I've got another bookshelf for him I've yet to take down as well. He has no wardrobe as that was kind of built in at mums, I say kind of cause it was huge and was built in the bedroom, couldn't possible move it. He also had 2 push bikes to take down, but what we did with them, was I'd have a load in the car, and he'd ride one down meet me there and I'd drive him back up for the next bike. Did mean I had a bit of extra space in the car lol. 

He finally had enough, we had his essentials there, and he abandoned the rest. Then began the next stage. Cleaning the rest of the crap out. 

I had to go back to work on the Monday, but I'd had a contact from the Real Estate come out on Sunday while we were there, and I showed him around the place, and said it all has to go, by Friday lol. He was lovely, he really was. Didn't faze him at all, not even my brothers room lol. I had already been taking loads of crap to the tip, and when I say crap I mean, broken things and expired food (6 garbage bags of it), and had bought a lot of cleaning products up here. But still that wasn't enough, and I was done with a capital D. He started Monday, and finally finished Friday morning. 

There was stuff under the house, I can blame both Mum and Dad for that lot. When they had the kitchen redone, everything went under the house, they didn't  chuck it out and it was useless crap. There was also crap in the yard, same thing, just shoved in a corner and the weeds grew over it. Everything I hadn't been able to see in the garage sale, and no one wanted, had to go. Furniture, Mum had decided she wanted that used to be my Nana's, it wasn't needed, she just wanted it. She had enough cutlery to host the Olympics, but not enough plates so they'd have to bring their own. Saucepans with handles falling off, that had been replaced with new shiny ones, but never thrown out. Fry pans that were burnt or broken in some other way, and newer ones, more than 2 people would ever need. Cake tins, muffin tins, bread tins, cooling racks, trays, all the latest and all the freaking oldest. Plastic containers, no lids, lids, no containers, plastic cups, paper plates, coffee cups, glasses, 7 bread boards, 3 knife sets in blocks, ladles, potato mashes, potato peelers, the list is fucking endless. The spice and sauce cupboard was filled to the brim, and yet when we went through it, there was basically 4 sauces and about 10 spices that we kept, 90% were expired. She had little plastic organisers, freezer bags (unopened packs) in every single cupboard. Sandwich bags all over the place, yet only one lot of cling wrap and alfoil, 2 of the things she would of used the most lol. 

I bagged up as much as I could and everything went into the almost empty back room. I did nothing in my brothers room, except look at it and cry internally. Mums room had already been cleaned out, just one bit of furniture that was broken to go. And I'd actually vacuumed in there lol. The spare room, had been cleaned out already, only had my brothers pc and desk left, so we took that down to his new place. The bathroom, arrrggghhh, forgot I hadn't cleaned out all the drawers, so had to throw out bags and bags of make up that was all almost used or expired. Lounge room, had assorted stuff in it, lounge, desk, coffee tables that had broken legs (which is what every home needs just in case), books my brother abandoned, broken pottery, a small bookshelf that she'd used for her phone, and the fold out table that was a wedding present. Everything from the kitchen had been bagged so that was empty, and I'd already done the laundry, so it was just the backroom, which had a dresser another big desk, and a sewing machine cabinet, and all the bags of crap I'd thrown out there. In my brothers room, the wardrobe had to be dismantled and the wall unit he had in there as well. He had crap still in the wardrobe and a trunk full of magazines, also a porn collection under his bed lol. I'm pretty sure the room hasn't been vacuumed or dusted in 30 years, could be more, but I opened the windows and walked out. 

Then there was the shed. 2 lawn mowers that didn't work. Enough gardening tools for the gardeners at Buckingham Palace (most still in wrappings and unused), old broken stools, old broken pots, another bike (broken a bit, my son took that to fix up) and crap crap and more crap. She'd even put boxes of books in there and forgotten about them, so naturally they were all just rubbish. Old pots and hoses in the yard, old garbage bins, compost bins, and an old bit of our old clothes line which was pulled down years and years ago. I'd arranged to have the asbestos from under the house removed, but they found more, sigh. Another bike, assorted paint and poisons all in the shed and under the house. 5 days it took him. 5 fucking days to get it all cleaned out. The house was by no means a hoarders house, you could walk around it free and easy, but because of all the storage, everything was hidden away. I'd gotten rid of some stuff before I left, our local council does a free clean up service twice a year, but they will only take so much, and the house was still filled. 

I don't know if it's because I've moved so much, or because of Mum, but I can move my whole house in one day with a truck, or a ute, and I know this because I've done it. And I did it with 3 kids and their crap as well. So 7 days to move my brother, and a gazillion days to clean out a house. I have cleaned off my old bookshelf for my brother, and have culled the small number of books I had, I've culled clothes, with more to go, and my cupboards are full, but any food that expires, goes, any broken pots or whatever, goes. I'm not keeping jack. My kids will have to dispose of stuff, sure, but it won't take them as long as it's taken me, it will take them a day and that's it, done. 

I am so glad it's all over, and I can now relax a bit. Life still goes on, Mum still has Alzheimers, we are all getting older lol, but one chapter has been closed completely and I will never have to do that again. Please, don't be my mum or brother, cull your shit. Remember that if you don't, your heirs will have to, and why would you do that to them? They won't have the time to miss you because they'll be cleaning out your S T U F F and thinking fuck me, how did this happen. I've changed all addresses, shut off services, redirected the mail, and returned the foxtel box, I'm pretty sure that's it LOL. I still have stuff of Mums here, I've saved memories and trinkets, I've got photo boxes and albums, but it's all culled to the extreme and packed neatly away. I'll do another cull now the house is gone, and will empty her files of non essentials, and get on with life. 

Wouldn't mind a weekend at a spa, or just being pampered lol. 

Catch yas

Cathy

Life in the Twilight Zone - A Day Out

First full day back home from being a way amongst 4 grand kids, and no stress. Yep, that's right no stress, sure the kids are loud, but it wasn't stressful. Sure they have tantrums left right and centre, but I didn't stress. The drive is long and boring, but no stress, it was just all so relaxing to be able to get away without worrying about Mum. It's the first holiday I've had in ages that she wasn't in hospital, or at home calling me up constantly. It was fucking awesome. 

I did feel a bit guilty for missing her birthday, but I sent her flowers, and if they hadn't of told her it was her birthday she wouldn't of known lol. I can say that with a straight face, as she had her calendar turned to the month of November lol. 

I'd arranged to take her to the solicitor today to get her will done, need it done before she gets too bad and that will cause all sorts of complications. It's basic, she has nothing, and nothing is what we'll get lol. I arrived at the Nursing Home at 8 am, knowing that she would dawdle, and she did. She was having breakfast when I arrived, got all excited and eager to go, but not until she'd had her coffee, sigh. She also had a bowl of cereal, some toast and some fruit, but it's not like we were in a hurry or anything. 

I wanted her to get changed, because she was wearing winter gear, and I knew it was going to be a stinking hot day, and it has been. So it's open the cupboard and gets out her make up, she already had makeup on, goes into the bathroom, "Oh I forgot my lipstick." comes out and opens the cupboard, forgets what she wanted and says "I need shampoo". Goes back into the bathroom, "Oh I forgot my lipstick." comes back out, opens the cupboard, and yep you guessed it, mentioned something else, and forgets her lipstick again. 4 times she did that, but who's counting. 

I managed to get her into a nice t shirt and no jacket. She did insist on bringing the jacket though, it stayed in the car till we got back lol. 

Finally on our way, later than I would of liked, especially with the traffic in the morning. But off we went. She mentioned she needed shampoo 5 times, I assured her she didn't each time, and she got the look. She purses her lips and acts all huffy like she knows she's right and your a fucking idiot. For the record she has 2 full bottles of shampoo, so no she didn't need any, unpurse those lips lol. I chatted about my time away, she looked confused, so pretty normal really. 

The solicitor was already to go when we got there. And he got the will written out and sent it off to be typed. Saving us having to hunt for parking twice. He made the mistake of mentioning her being left handed, so she regaled us with the same story of her childhood, and how a teacher had told her Mum that she'd never be able to be a teacher if she was a leftie, and Mum proved her wrong and did just that. It's funny the first time you hear it, not so much when your sitting in a hot little room and she's retelling for the 4th time, just in case we missed it. She wants to be cremated, so I'm pushing for a Viking funeral. There's a lovely lake in Wentworth Falls that would be perfect. Unfortunately she doesn't seem too keen, but hey she'll be dead so she won't know lol. 

Will signed and back to the car we go. I told her I'd take her for a run past Andrews new place so she could see where he was going to be living. She was very excited, then paid no attention to the unit, but kept going on about the cemetery across the road. Took her to the Plaza, parked her at a table and ordered coffee and cake while I ducked into Aldi and grabbed a couple of things.I decided to take her into the pharmacy cause I knew she wanted some new make up, didn't need it just wanted it lol. I showed her were the makeup was then went and got the hair stuff she actually needed and some sani pads for her. I come back she's picked out an incredibly dark foundation, so I put that back and got a neutral one, got the pursed lips again lol. I took everything up to pay, turn around and she's gone. Naturally she's up the shampoo aisle. "Mum, you don't need shampoo." "Yes I do, I guarantee I need it." "Well I guarantee you don't, come on we have to get to Big W." Lips pursed she followed. 

I head to the toys, with Mum and her walker. Pick out some lego, then turn to talk to her, and she's nowhere to be seen. Naturally I panic, she could be anywhere, could of been abducted by aliens, or a pervert could of offered her a snickers to get in his van. But nope she was off asking someone where the shampoo was lol. Dragged her back and told her we weren't shopping for her, she had no money, she goes "I just sold my house I have money, sniff". For the record, yes the house is sold, she had no part in it, and settlement isn't till the 20th, so she has no money. 

I grabbed something else for Nash, then let her go back to the hair stuff, I knew where it was without asking lol, and let her grab some hair styling shit. That was all she needed anyway. I also bought her a snickers, so she isn't tempted to get in a strange van lol. I decided to stop in her hometown Blaxland, and treat her to lunch. Made the mistake of taking her through the arcade, past IGA and naturally she wants to go in and get her hair stuff, oh and fruit. "Mum, hair stuff in the car, fruit at nursing home, lets get lunch." Sitting down to eat and she asks me how my older brother is, "So how's Anthony is he still involved with that religious group?" "Ummm, what?" "You know the group that his wifes family are involved in. It worrries me that him and the boys could get trapped there." "Mum, Anthony is not involved in a religious group, if he went to church it would explode or his skin would come out in boils. Jann is not involved in a religious group, and neither is her family. The boys aren't boys they are in their 30's." Her lips started to purse, "Don't purse your lips at me Mum. You know Anthony, do you seriously think religion is his thing?" She started to say "But, I know, oh well I guess you know. My mind is not that great right now. Can we stop into IGA I need shampoo?" I refrained from banging my head on the table, it wasn't easy but I managed lol. 

She wanted to stop by the house, just for one last goodbye. I dreaded her bursting into tears, but felt she should. Plus she needed to go to the toilet lol. We pull up, and off she goes. She was taking forever in the toilet, so I hunted her down, and found her in the bathroom, cleaning. "Mum, why are you cleaning?" "So we can sell the house." "It's been sold Mum, no need to clean anymore." "Oh, well I'll just check if there's any shampoo here then." She didn't want a last lingering look at the house, she went to the loo then it was off again. 

Oh the way back to the Nursing Home, "Oh, I wish we'd gone and seen Andrews new place." "We did, you looked at the cemetery." "Oh. Do we have time to drive past the house, one last time." "You just went and weed in the toilet there, one last time Mum." "Oh, well I don't remember." No shit Sherlock lol. "Can we stop in Springwood, I need some hair stuff?" On reflection she's lucky I didn't run us into a tree, or truck. Naturally I would of tried to get the main impact on her side lol. She rambled off and on the whole way back, mostly about hair stuff, I ignored her, just nodded and said, sure, next time, uh huh a lot lol. Once back at the Nursing Home, she went straight to her wardrobe and opened it with a flourish, "There see, no shampoo." I stepped around her, reached in and pulled out not one, but 2 brand new bottles. "What's this then." "Someone must of gotten some for me, you better go see if we need to pay for them." I decided that it was a good time to say goodbye. Would be very suspicious if I take her down on the day the will gets signed lol. 

So despite all the de stressing I did, I am now feeling like I never went anywhere, and I need a holiday lol. 

Catch yas
Cathy

It's all in the translation

I'm going to weigh in on the "Gun Control" debate cause I'm sick and tired of seeing the bullshit in the US media, and all over Facebook. 

A school gets shot up, students die, and what happens? People start pushing for Gun Control, as you would expect. The surviving students themselves, are pushing for Gun Control, as you would also expect. And yet thousands of Americans are suddenly up in arms over the idea of Gun Control. They say the students are paid actors, that they won't give up their Second Amendment rights, they tell stories about how if there is Gun Control, they will lose all their freedoms, that this is the first step into all rights being stripped from them, and they will no longer be free. Firstly, bullshit, secondly, wtf. Children died, again, and here you are whining about not being able to keep your AR 15, or the fact that you would be stopped from purchasing one. And you're whining about the age you should be allowed to purchase a gun, and the fact that they want better checks done before you're allowed to purchase a firearm? Seriously? This is what you whine about? 

Gun Control, has nothing to do with stripping rights, it's about stopping the ease with which anybody can purchase a gun, and stopping them from purchasing guns that are not necessary. What would you need it for? If it's for a gun collection, then have it disabled, and shove it in your gun cabinet. But before you get it, go through the checks, anyone who cares about children, would be happy to do so. Stop telling everyone how you have trained your children to respect guns and to use them, seriously that means jack shit. You have no idea what your child goes through each day, just because you believe they are okay, doesn't mean they are, doesn't mean you are either. 

Stop using Jews and Hitler as a reason to keep your guns and purchase as many as you want. Firstly, he wasn't voted into power, he was selected as Chancellor, not by any votes, and that paved the way to a dictatorship. Jews did not give up their rights, they were taken away by a mad man. Many escaped, many more didn't. What Hitler did was horrific, and no one wants a repeat of it. Many of the same people now going on about their Second Amendment rights have also believed that the Holocaust never happened, so stop using it. No one in the whole world believed that Hitler would actually do what he did, so why should the Jewish people have believed it would happen either. 

But the main thing to me and 99% of the world, is why the hell are you all questioning the need for Gun Control? Children are dying, at a place that should be safe for them. They go to school and should come back home, but they don't. And they don't because some fucker gets it into his/her head to get a gun and shoot up a school. You can go on and on about how the kid was bullied and that needs to be addressed, and yes bullying is an issue that needs to be addressed, but don't take an act of domestic terrorism and turn it into a war against the victims. Every time one of you puts shit on one of the students who is speaking out, or posts memes showing them as idiots, you are showing that you are in fact a bully. You are showing your lack of caring. Putting guns into the hands of teachers, who don't want them, is not caring, it's not a solution. Teaching children how to safely handle guns, is not a solution. Taking the issue of Gun Control serious is a step in the right direction. No one is going to take all your guns away, so stop with the childish behaviour. Act like the adults you claim to be, and really look at the problem, think of real solutions, be proactive about something that is fucking real. 

Stop blaming each other for the problems, stop showing your children that you are nothing but a child yourself with your words and actions. Actually teach them something worthwhile. Stop changing the words Gun Control to taking away our rights and guns, cause that's not what it means at all. All the Gun Control peeps want is to make it harder to get guns, to stop just anyone from being able to buy as many as they want and whatever they want, which results in less children dying. Sure anyone intent on getting one still can if they try hard enough or pay enough, but it won't be easy for them. The only thing you will lose is the ability to buy a gun that you don't fucking need to feel protected, or for hunting. Stop letting the media stir you up, they are paid to do just that, stop justifying your reason for having a gun, we don't care if you have one and we don't want it for ourselves, stand up be counted as one of the many who actually care about your fucking country and it's future. 

Catch yas 
Cathy

Life in the Twilight Zone - Gulp

Mixed feelings on this one guys. It's the end of an era for my family, the family homestead is officially on the market.

Mum and Dad bought the land, built a garage to live in, while building the house and moved into the house back in 1958. There wasn't very many shops in the area, no footpaths, and no fancy lifts to use to make getting over the railway line easier. But it was and is still a truly beautiful area. It's easy to see why they purchased the block surrounded by bushland in such a quiet peaceful street. 

I say mixed feelings because my family built and owned this house, it has been theirs to call home for almost 60 years, but it will be a relief when it's sold, knowing that Mum will be comfortable for the rest of her life. I would love to be able to hold onto it, but it's not possible. They built it, they extended it, they raised the 3 of us in it. Both were involved in Blaxland Rural Fire Brigade, something we are all proud of. Dad would be out defending other peoples homes and livelihoods, while Mum and the other ladies would keep them going with food and drinks. 

Our friends lived around the corner, or up the street a bit. We grew up playing in the bush next door and behind us. We frequented the sandpit as it was known by locals, and clambered around the waterhole and waterfall. Later we would go motorbike riding down the fire trails, easy access for us as they were just behind us. We cooked potatoes in the ashes of the fires Dad built to burn off all the leaves every winter. Collecting kindling for the open fire in the house was essential, and one of our jobs. I remember walking home from the bus stop one day and we thought there was something wrong when we rounded the corner. Only to realise later that it was a huge tree that had fallen down. Typical kids, something looked different but we didn't know what lol. 

I remember the Christmas we got the mini bike, and we were all up at the crack of dawn to have a ride, before heading to Sydney for Christmas Day. I remember climbing up on the pergola with ease, now I don't like climbing a ladder. I remember sitting in the mulberry tree eating and eating. Swimming in our above ground pool, was a luxury, not everyone had one, so we were thrilled to have it. All in all we lived a great existence, despite the fact we would of whined alot lol. 

My brothers nickname FUD is in the concrete on the back step. I wish I'd had a chance to write my name lol. My tiny little bedroom, it was my escape and also the place to escape from. Sneaking a smoke in my room, I was so daring, and blowing the smoke out the window, incense burning of course. Throwing up in the bin after a night drinking, underage of course, sorry Dad hehehehe. The party we threw when Mum and Dad were away, and all the trash later found in the garden, usually by Dad lol. 

But memories will not die, we have photos as well. The truth is we cannot hold onto the house, and that is a harsh reality of life, but our memories will not be sold with the house, they will remain. The good times and the bad, the fun and happiness that was our lives will not disappear when the house is sold, it will live on. 

So mixed emotions, raging emotions, tear to the eye emotions, but always in the back of the mind is the facts and that we have to deal with it all. It's not going to kill us, when it sells, and the relief that Mum is protected will be immense, but I won't say I won't cry, cause I damn well will.

Catch yas
Cathy

Life in the Twilight Zone - Sweat sweat and more sweat

People, please remember that everything you don't do, regarding cleaning up and discarding unused, broken or unnecessary items, leaves something for your family to deal with, and believe me it's not fun. 

Garage sale at Mum's was on Saturday. If you're not in Australia, you may not know that we had Australia Day on Friday, so I didn't have to work, woohoo. I've been trying to go around to Mum's every day to do a little bit. Got to much for me last week, with having a late shift and not finishing till 7pm, did not want to go around after work, just wanted to chill. So I took 2 days off, Wednesday and Thursday and then had the long weekend, 5 days off. Sounds great, right? 5 days off work, who doesn't love a break? Yeh, wish it had been a break. Worked non stop at Mum's, cleaning out her room, yep hadn't finished it, even after taking 30 garbage bags of clothes, shoes, bags and accessories to the op shop still had more to do. 

It's been stinking hot over here, and Mum had no ac, she had a ceiling fan in her room, but all it did was stir up the dust and the warm air. Water on hand, towel to wipe the sweat from my brow, I dug in. I finished her room the first day, couldn't face attempting anything else, just wanted to jump in a cold shower, or a nice spa. Settled for the shower since I don't have a spa lol. Thursday morning, I woke with the dread of knowing I had to get around there again and continue. 

Spare room this time, my old room. She still has my old bed in there, can't sell it cause it's terrible, but we'll get rid of it. Wardrobe filled with absolute garbage for the most part. Although I did find a foot spa to sell. We always knew she had a lot of material for patchwork, but when I found all the wool, I was shocked. She had bags of it, and in those bags were all started projects, that were just packed away when she lost interest. Judging by the amount she'd done on each, she lost interest very quickly. I guess I was lucky not to find any art supplies, or pottery stuff. They were also hobbies she had. I'd already thrown out a lot of books that were filled with Latin from when she did that. Then there was the computer that she went to classes for, but never quite grasped. Wasn't surprised when I saw the reams of print outs from her class, was way to technical for someone of Mum's age just starting out. She could barely operate her answering machine, and thought she could tackle a pc lol. 

Kudos to her for all she had tried, and did well at. But I just wish she had of thought ahead and gotten rid of the stuff when she was done with it. Latin dictionaries, old school books, computer lessons, and more. In everything I cleaned out there was always random photos, and wait for it..............................scissors! Yep, scissors. No idea how she got so many or why she had so many, but it was raining bloody scissors.

After another day of sweating like a pig, I headed back home for another cold shower. Then I had to get to the bank for change for the garage sale, sigh.

Friday came with a groan, and I headed back around. My daughter Caryn was driving up from Henty (google it LOL) to help out. My younger brother was home so it was back into the spare room, this time to tackle the bookshelf and it's shelves bursting with magazines, all about quilting and patchwork of course. As I carried load after load out to the back room, my brother loaded boxes with books, and checked in to make sure I wasn't throwing out anything of his LOL. He's a bit of a hoarder too, but with him it's always books, and it's mostly confined to his room. There is bookshelves in the hallway, filled with books, but they are stored away so aren't an issue. On the other hand Mum kept the house clean, but every single nook and cranny was filled with material and all that goes with it. 

After another sweat filled morning, I headed home for lunch and replenished my water and drank another shitload. When Caryn arrived, she thought she could get in a nap, I let her have coffee instead LOL. I don't think she'd fully grasped the enormity of the task ahead when I'd sent her pics and instant messages. Piles and piles of magazines all at least $7 a pop, plastic containers and cardboard boxes, filled with material. You'd open a door in a cupboard and there's more material LOL. We had a full basket full of scissors, another with cotton thread, another with buttons, and then there was the basket of needles and pins. Mum was always on at me to go to Spotlight to get new needles, I should of just forced her to search her house for them LOL. 

We did as much as we could that night but knew it wasn't enough, it was just too much for us to handle in the heat. Having a few drinks that night we laughed over all the shit we'd found, but under the laughter was the realisation that we shouldn't have to do this. While not a full on hoarder, Mum hoarded so much crap. I'm sure she didn't realise it for the most part, she didn't remember buying stuff half the time, and to her it was quite normal to have so much material, as she was always sewing. We did have a great time looking over her old photos, she had so many different hairstyles and glasses over the years, was just hilarious. Of course, Caryn laughed very hard at the pics of me when I was younger lol. 

Saturday dawned and off we set. As always happens with Garage Sales there is people there before the set time to start. We were trying to get stuff outside so we didn't have everyone walking into the house, and there was people coming down the driveway. And again, not even 8 am and I was the sweat machine lol. My other daughter Tara came down with her family, and I have to say her hubby was a great salesman, selling plants and pots outside that we didn't even think of selling, was awesome. Around 8 am, when we were scheduled to start the polite sewers arrived. They went crazy, well not crazy but were buying up the material and other stuff, having a field day. We had priced it all cheap, it wasn't anything we wanted, and they all knew that the prices were great. They were on the phone calling friends to come as well, was just fantastic. 

A couple bought the basket of scissors, all of them. Naturally being macabre people we decided they must be serial killers, and as our dna and fingerprints were now on the scissors the finger of blame will be pointing directly at us lol. Another lady bought the full basket of cotton, another all the needles, went like hot cakes lol. We sold a lot of books as well, one guy bought 260 of them. Okay, so he owns a secondhand book store but still it was awesome lol. Another elderly gentleman was an absolute crackup, kept calling me girl lol. We had piles of books, and he was saying "Girl can you bend down and get that one, Nora Roberts, I want to look at all your Nora Roberts books." lol. He ended up buying a stack of them, and ordered his son (who was equally lovely) to carry them to the car. I was walking with him up the drive when he spotted the pots of orchids Mum had on the verandah. He ended up buying 2 huge pots, and arranged to come back and get them as there was no room left in the car lol. 

It always amazes me what people will quibble over price wise. A huge bookshelf, selling for $15 and all these people are saying, no too much. Gave me the shits, especially when I know it cost alot more than that. But hey you don't want to pay it, don't, I wouldn't reduce the price and they left lol. There was a drink trolley that I offered to one woman for $5, no no too expensive, she came back later to get it, but I'd sold it lol.

So despite the fact there is still a shitload of books, pretty much all the magazines, and a bookshelf filled with material still left along with alot of furniture, it was a great day and we made a shitload of money. My girls help was fantastic, love them to bits. 

Another thing Mum was doing was using powder constantly. When her doctor told her to use curash for a rash under her boobs, sorry tmi I know lol, she took it as gospel and used it constantly. Everything surface, every item of clothing, every nick nack, every book, and all over the carpet, fucking powder. A film of powder spreads everywhere, like some sort of creeping vine. After picking up something, your hands are covered in it. As the fans spin, the powder swirls in the air, horrible shit. Oh, speaking of fans. We had the ceiling fan in the back room on, and another smaller one we were selling. My deepest regret was selling the fan lol. I should of taken around some of mine, but someone could of sold them lol. 

Sunday, I headed up to see Mum, picking Caryn up on the way, she'd spent the night at Tara's and gone out on the town lol. I was so happy to show Caryn how great the nursing home is. We went in, and the residents were all in the lounge playing games. Mum was shouting out all the answers lol. It's great and such a relief that she is really settling in well. She is basically only in her room to sleep, much like she was before she was diagnosed she is never in there, always out and about at different activities lol. We didn't stay long, it was lunchtime, but we were there long enough to see how happy she was. Sure she's still confused, and doesn't remember anything we say, but she's healthy and happy, what more could we ask for. 

We did go back to Mum's and packed away some stuff, and I got photos to post online for what we didn't sell, then it was home to chill, laugh, gossip, drink and stuff our faces, perfect end to a hectic weekend. Tara texted to say she'd sold something online already lol, and that was the icing on the cake. Just perfect. 

I know it's not finished, there is still the cleanup, more to try and sell, but I feel that for the first time in a long time, I'm getting myself back. No more having to go and check on Mum constantly, no more worrying about her every second of every day. I know she's in the best possible place she can be, and she's happy. The rest of it, the sale of the house and the clean up, are all just shit to get done. I'm not stressed over it. Will take it all to the tip if I have to lol. 

At the end of the day, the message is this, get rid of your shit while you still can. Don't leave it to your family to do, it's not fair to expect others to do it for you. Don't waste time and money buying stuff you don't need or don't use. I'm not saying don't enjoy your life, because we should all do that, but when something is no longer needed, sell it, donate it, throw it in the trash, just clean it out.

Catch yas
Cathy


Oh almost forgot, we found her wedding dress. Was in great condition considering the last time it was worn was over 60 years ago. Caryn said "Why didn't you tell me about this dress, I could of gotten married in it?" I looked her up and down and said, "Nope would of been too small." we both cracked up lmfao.