As many of you know, my beautiful cat, Maddie, died this last week. I'm adjusting to turning on the tap and not hearing her bell ringing as she scrambles to get to the running water as if her life depended on it lol. Going to the toilet with only one cat, instead of 2, and not listening to her growl at Ares as he tries to usurp her place on my lap.
I decided that I'd tell Mum today. Telling someone with Alzheimer's something, is like putting it in a sieve and shaking it, to see what will stick, or what will fall through the holes. I wanted to tell her because this is the sort of thing I'd tell Mum normally, and despite her not loving cats, I figured it might actually stick, as it related to me.
Nope, it didn't. At first she laughed, then she realised from the look on my face that I'd actually told her something serious, so she quickly counted with a 'Oh dear'. I was no doubt expecting to much, but I persevered with the story.
"Dale called me while I was at Caryn's, to let me know. His mate had called him and told him."
"Oh, that's sad. What are the Christmas plans? Lots of people have been moving in and out lately, going home to spend time with their family."
"It's September Mum, can you please take a minute to focus on what I'm telling you."
"Yes, it's September, I heard you, but lots of people are going home to spend Christmas with their families."
"Mum, they aren't, it's September, nowhere near Christmas."
"Oh, well I like to plan ahead."
She's been talking about Christmas since January, so yep she's planning ahead alright.
"You can have pets here, not that I want one, but people have them."
"No, they don't Mum. Some dogs come in as respite animals, but that's it."
"Yes, that's what I meant. Are we going to yours for Christmas?"
I pressed on, and finally managed to get her attention away from fucking Christmas. We talked about her old cat Shan, and how old he was when he died, and I told her about Maddie. I know that she has already forgotten, will have forgotten before we even got to the damn car, but I feel better that I let her know. I want her to be told the shit that is happening. I want to be able to tell her how I'm feeling, and I know what I say is slipping through that damn sieve, but it helps me to tell her. It normalises everything, as much as it can be normalised lol.
Apart from the Christmas focus, she is finding it amazing that their is a resident called Matilda. Matilda has been there since before Mum, but it's like she's just discovered her, it's not the person, it's the name.
"That's a great Australian name, Matilda."
"Yes Mum, it's a great name."
"I wonder what she's doing for Christmas."
At that point I wanted to throw myself off the roof, but we were on the ground and throwing myself off a chair, isn't as effective lol.
Catch yas
Cathy
