Now this is going to come as a shock to all my friends and family (if they read this), but I may have a slight issue with anger. Yes, I know surprise surprise. Your all sitting there now saying, "No, not you Cathy, your so mild mannered" but sad to say it's true. Inside this calm appearance is a festering tide of anger waiting to burst out and infect all who are within range.
It takes a lot for me to let the anger out, I don't suddenly turn all psycho and start punching people or pick up a gun and start shooting anyone, I let it out and swear. Yep, fuck fuckity fuck. That's me. Gasp shock horror.
Why the hell I am penalised for letting it out in this manner, just makes me angry again. But I'm still not going to go all postal. I'm not going to turn into the one you all read about in the papers, and go "Oh, but she was always so nice.", that won't ever be me. The reason it won't be me, cause I vent, let out a bit of steam, and sure I'm swearing when I do it, but isn't that better than shooting someone. And really, who the hell gets hurt by words that aren't aimed at anyone. I'm not walking up to people and telling them they are fucking idiots who should be locked up before they infect everyone with their stupidity. Nope, I type it out, I say it in my head, I vent.
If someone cuts in front of me while driving, I'm going to give them the finger and call them a fucking moron, so go ahead and sue me, run for the hills cause Cathy is going postal. Ummm, hello, no one is hurt so back the fuck off. Sure it's an offensive term, but isn't it better than walking around letting it all fester until I explode. You might not think so, but I do.
My kids knew Mum was really mad if she started swearing, but it hasn't sent them to therapy. Deep breathing and counting to ten just don't cut it. I tried it, I'd take a deep breath in and slowly let it out, all the time saying fuck fuck fuck in my head, so it kind of worked, count to ten, one fuck it, two fuck it....(I'm sure you get it). Meditation? I don't get it, I can't shut my brain off at all, it's constantly going, I'll start to slowly sink down, then suddenly I'm wondering if I'm doing it right. Or I think, mustn't forget to by bread, or why the fuck isn't the stupid meditation working. So I do what works for me, I do what keeps me sane, and I'm not hurting anyone.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not some psycho (well they think it anyway LOL), so cut in front of me and expect to get abused. Of course you might not hear it, cause your some moronic idiot with your stereo so loud you can't even here the cop car right behind you with sirens blaring. But believe me I'm sitting in my car giving you the finger and telling you to fuck off.
And now I've typed that all out, I'm calm again, see it's not hard, and I won't make the front page of the paper, or be headline news. There won't be books written about me, or a TV movie made of my life, but I'm calm and over it.
So if your like me, then do the same, breath in deeply, and as your breathing out either say fuck it or think it, works everytime. And hey, think of all the money you'll save on therapy and anger management courses. Of course if your the sort of person that punches a wall, or a person, or goes out and gets a gun then get some help you lunatic, fuck me, your insane.
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