Super Powered Me

As I stood over the laundry sink, armed with a toothbrush (old of course ewwww) scrubbing the dogshit off a jogger (the shoe not the person), I realised that I must of done this a million times over the years raising my 3 children. And I thought to myself why am I the only one in this house who can do this?

So apparently I have some weird arse Super Powers. I don't know if they came to me after I was struck by lightning (I don't actually remember that happening), or if I'm from some far away planet, sent to earth by my loving parents (who were probably sick of the screaming baby that constantly demanded attention). But however it happened, I am empowered superly.

My Super Powers reveal themselves every day, they aren't something I can use to save the world, or maybe I can.....

My first power is the power to be the only one who sees the empty toilet roll, and the only one who has the ability to change it. This is despite numerous people using the bathroom before me. They have even pleaded with me to change it for them, as they are just incapable. "Mum, I can't find the toilet paper!" is a sound I have heard many times over the years, this is a plea that seems to totally ignore the 4 pack sitting down on the floor beside the toilet. Obviously it is not visible to the naked eye and has a force field surrounding it to protect it from the norms (a name I will use to call everyone else).

Then there is the power to process the empty containers in the fridge or pantry, and the ability to ignore the cries of "Why haven't you bought more ....(insert product here)? This jar has been empty for ages." So what's it doing in the fridge/pantry then? My ability to see into the future and past has obviously slipped.

I have the power to match socks and fold them, something lacking in a certain household who shall remain nameless hehehe.

I'm the only one in the world able to operate heavy machinery, such as the lawn mower, washing machine, and vacuum. Picking up clothes and putting them in the hamper is beyond all but me. Finding lost items of clothing (usually found in a drawer or wardrobe, right where I said they were) is my forte. Refilling the sugar bowl, turning off electrical appliances, and refilling the water bottles and mixing the cordial, are all things I excel at. I could do them all in my sleep!

Apparently I also have the power to listen to someone talking to me while I'm on the phone, and then I can remember exactly what was said by both parties. This is yet to be proven, I don't believe I have this power, this is just something others believe.

So of course the last power is the dogshit scrubber. This is not something I enjoy, but for some reason certain people seem to think I must as they leave their smelly shoes in the laundry and constantly ask if I've done it yet, they need their shoes. It wouldn't occur to them to attempt to do it themselves, cause they know they do not have my powers.

I wish I really did have Super Powers, and I'd bring down a bolt of lightning well aimed at the arse (aussie for ass) of the offender/s.

Now I have to go, I can hear the call for help from the dishes that need washing, and clothes that need ironing, so I'll don my cape put on my tights (over my underwear thank you), and up up and away........