As I was tossing and turning in bed last night, trying to grab hold of that elusive dreamworld, my brain kicked in and I started thinking about how hard it is to get to sleep in bed, yet I can fall asleep sitting in my chair working or on the couch at the drop of a hat. Of course once the brain started thinking sleep got further and further away. So I sit up with the shits grab my book and start reading again. By now I'm wide awake and it takes another hr before my eyes start to get heavy and I think woohoo, lights out. I lie down, ah bliss, drifting drifting, must remember to get some milk tomorrow, oh and some of those anzac biscuits, better not forget to clean out ...... and there it is I'm awake again.
I do remember the days or rather the nights when I could go into bed, drop down fully clothed and sleep till noon. But that was when I was a teenager and my only thoughts were usually about me doing something fun but illegal LOL. I've tried to remember what it was I thought of way back then, but I just can't capture it. Now I'm an adult (allegedly) I have too many responsibilities and too many worries to actually capture those days again. I had no idea, at the time, that one day I would wish I could sleep so easily. Instead I wanted to grow up and be all responsible. Fuck that! Of course now I can't turn off my brain I wish I was back in that teenage oblivion again.
Even as kids we could go to bed at 6 and sleep 12 hrs, and we wouldn't wake up feeling like shit. That would come later as a hungover teen LOL. Now if I sleep over 6 hrs I wake up feeling like I've been binge drinking while running a marathon. My head hurts, my back hurts and my hips have forgotten how to move. My hand is asleep because I was lying on it, and my hair is just indescribable. I could of course take something to help me sleep, but I've done that before, and woke up feeling exactly the same after exactly the same amount of sleep. The only difference was the dreams that I had, the dreams of some drug fueled junkie riding high before the crash into paranoia, so I wake up with all the same aches and pains, but my heart is pounding as I remember running from the vampire monkeys.
Old people seem to be able to sleep easily, at least in a chair. My nana was always asleep whenever we visited her, okay so she was 100 but still she slept easy. I'm thinking maybe I should just sell my bed, it's not working for me, and set up a couch and TV in there. I know I'd be able to nod off and sleep right through if I only have the right equipment. I won't have to wash any sheets, and hey I'll already be dressed in the morning. If I can put my work and home pc's in there as well, then I'm at work and play, all I'll need is a bar fridge for my food and water and I'll be set. Won't have to leave my brand new sleep chamber except for bathroom breaks. No one will care if my hair is a mess, cause I won't be out of my room to see them. I could maybe arrange for some sort of buzzer to let work know I've nodded off so not to put through any calls, maybe some of those fancy electrodes that can be attached. As soon as I'm awake they will be alerted and can send through some calls, when I drop off they can stop then. Sounds perfect to me.
And why is it that the minute I lie down my brain turns on? I have tried and tried to shut it down, but it will just suddenly start thinking about strange random things that make absolutely no sense which of course makes me start wondering what the fuck I'm thinking about and why the hell am I thinking about it, which makes the brain even more active, causing me to wake up once more. I need a switch that shuts it down enough to allow me to sleep, I don't care if I don't dream, I just want to go to bed and sleep. The random thoughts I have come way out of left field. They aren't simple things like, damn forgot to mix the cordial, or forgot to add bread to the shopping list, they are crazy imaginings like a plot to take over the world. Or I might be thinking about some idiot I had to deal with at work, when I'll start wondering what if that person ran the world, and off the mind goes. I suppose it means I have a good imagination, but geez I want to turn it off at bed time.
So I've been up for an hr and a half now, typed this out, sitting up, and I'm ready to fall asleep, excuse me while I drift off while I can........................................................................................
Catch ya
Cathy
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