Saturday, May 25, 2019
Life in the Twilight Zone - Ramblings
Anyone with a relative who has Alzheimers will understand the hope, as do those who work with them. Hope is what keeps us going, it's the only thing that really does. Hope that today is the day you will visit and you will have a perfectly normal conversation with the person you remember. The person they used to be. It's what makes us get up in the morning, get dressed and jump in the car. It carries us through picking up any shopping they may need or buying them a treat, we know they'll love. It follows us as we drive to the Nursing Home, it's with us as we park the car and gather all the bags we have with us. Hope walks beside us as we walk inside for our visit.
It doesn't take long before that hope starts to fade. Sure some days are better than others, those days, hope hangs around for a while longer. You listen to them talk to you, telling you stories you've heard before. You tease them about the chocolate cake they are eating. You engage them in what has happened during the week with you. They laugh and reciprocate by telling you that same story again. You smile and laugh with them, but inside hope is slowly fading.
You look through a photo album together, and despite the photos being labelled, most of the people in them are becoming unfamiliar. The look on their face, of befuddlement, who are all these people, should I know them? Hope, is slowly disappearing.
You take a walk around the grounds, and listen as she chatters happily about the friends she has made, and spreads some gossip. It's the same stories you've listened to before, but you don't let on, because you know that this is what makes her happy. She is happy to show you all the amenities, as if you haven't seen them before, she tells you about all the fun activities that you already know about. She proudly boasts about winning a game, she can't remember what the game was, but she's very proud she won, you share in her happiness.
As the visit winds down, you feel the headache and frustration emerging, not from her, she is still happy, but from you. You don't want her to know how you feel, so you switch off and hold it all back, which causes the headache to get stronger and the frustration taking over. She walks you to the car, asking how everyone is, confirming where they all live, and that she would love to see them. You know that once she is back inside, she will have forgotten that you visited, and you wonder why you do visit.
Convo, at the car.
Mum: Could you take me shopping one day to that place we went before with a big shopping centre?
Me: Katoomba?
Mum: No, the town before Katoomba starts with an A
Me: Leura is the town before Katoomba, Mum.
Mum: No it had a big shopping centre, but wasn't Katoomba and starts with an A
Me: Sure Mum, when the weather is nicer.
Mum: That would be lovely.
You know there is nowhere that starts with an A, last time you took her shopping it was to Katoomba, but there is no point in trying to change her mind, so you don't, and she is happy.
As you drive off, you see her waving, and your tears begin to flow. You have to stop up the road to cry a little before you can drive back home. Hope has been completely crushed. You drive home, and barely notice where you are going, it's automatic. You will start this journey next week, with hope full and shiny, maybe one day you'll leave without it being crushed.
Catch yas
Cathy
Thursday, April 4, 2019
Life in the Real World
I admit it, I'm a social media junkie, I don't want to go to rehab, I don't need a 12 step program, I'm hooked and that's all there is to it. I don't feel it is a bad thing, I don't sit here 24/7 playing with peoples lives or sharing lies. But what I do love is reading the idiocy some people post. The actual total bullshit that they seriously believe, and take as Gospel.
I could make up a really good lie about a child who was vaccinated and became autistic, or died. I could make up a really good lie about a message I received from God or a loved one from the other side. I could spread a story that I knew for a fact was a complete lie, without a problem at all. But I don't.
Many others are like me, we read, we research, we don't take what we read online as the truth without proof. And it can't be someone saying it's the truth, we have to check it for ourselves, we have to research and believe our research. Despite there being so many like me, there are the others that don't, the ones who post anything they see, filling social media with lies.
I've been on anti vaxx sites, did you know it's good to drink your own urine, aged is better, or that if you've had measles as a child, you are protected from cancer for life. Then there's all the 2 month old babies who have been vaccinated and died that same day, not sure I know any baby that gets all their vaccinations that young. Oh, and remember that mole you've found, or that cancerous lump, don't worry, all you need to do is use black salve on it, and it will eat away the mole or lump and you will be fine. Or rub turpentine on it, it's not poison they just put that on the bottle because of a Big Pharma law. No need to go to hospital or a doctor. Another thing I've discovered is that you can be a doctor without going to medical school, all you have to do is announce you are a doctor of the natural way, and done, you'll have the anti vaxx crowd flocking to your door. At least until you kill one of them, then they might turn on you.
I've read out right slander against people who have the courage to stand up for what they believe. 18 year old gets vaccinated against his mothers wishes, good on him for not buying into her crap. She goes online and gets comforted by her friends, they blast him and spread lies to discredit him. He's an 18 yr old, he got vaccinated, as is his right, but suddenly he's a terrible son. What he is, is someone who made up his own mind, as an adult he is allowed to do that. Doesn't matter if his mother doesn't like it, it's his choice. The fact that he has done it now, shows me that he has been wanting to for years, but his mother wouldn't let him, and he had to obey.
SIDS never existed pre vaccination days, or so they say. No one was Autistic either. The reason so many were in iron lungs was due to the polio vaccine being poisoned deliberately, as many others still are. Big Pharma wants us all sick so they screw with the tests results. They try to tell us that it's child abuse, that having your child vaccinated is worse than rape. The list of what they try to claim are vaccine injuries is hilarious. They include blindness, psychosis, cancer, epilepsy, freckles, ADD, ADHD and of course the good old Autism. Apparently you can suffer from one of these vaccine injuries if your parents were vaccinated as well. You could be vaccine free, living off your old urine and black salve, but it won't matter if your parents were vaccinated, the poison is passed through the blood, so no matter what your doomed.
I've read the most ridiculous advice given, shit about having a coffee enema, but don't drink the coffee it's poisonous. You've got a fever, don't take anything, you need to do a detox. A fever of 110 you say, oh your 5 year old has a fever of 110, sponge them down, give them some urine to sip on, it will be fine. God built these diseases, who am I to try and ward against God's will. Another mother was asking if it was okay to send her 2 yr old un-vaccinated child to day care, after she was told there was a confirmed case of whooping cough. She had a baby at home, only the 2 yr old went to the daycare. And the advice she was given? Give her vitamin C, but don't keep her home, if she get whooping cough, you've already loaded her with vitamin C. I kid you not, that's what this woman was told.
If you don't want to vaccinate your children, don't. It's your choice, but if your un-vaccinated child gets sick with anything that is contagious, keep them home. Don't take them with you shopping or to visit someone elderly. Don't take them to welcome a new baby, don't put others at risk. And most of all, don't turn around and blame their illness on anyone but yourself. Yes, you have rights. But so do those who choose to vaccinate, so do those who are too young to be vaccinated, and so do those who can't be vaccinated for any reason.
Most of all, don't spread the bullshit. Don't tell someone that they will get cancer if they vaccinate, don't tell someone that drinking piss is good for them, I shudder at the thought of that one. If you have real and honest facts, then share them, by all means, but take off the aluminum hat and get out into the real world, do actually research. Don't take Betty-Sues word for it, just because she knows someone that knows someone that is related to Kevin Bacon's double, doesn't make her an expert on Kevin Bacon.
Catch yas
Cathy
I could make up a really good lie about a child who was vaccinated and became autistic, or died. I could make up a really good lie about a message I received from God or a loved one from the other side. I could spread a story that I knew for a fact was a complete lie, without a problem at all. But I don't.
Many others are like me, we read, we research, we don't take what we read online as the truth without proof. And it can't be someone saying it's the truth, we have to check it for ourselves, we have to research and believe our research. Despite there being so many like me, there are the others that don't, the ones who post anything they see, filling social media with lies.
I've been on anti vaxx sites, did you know it's good to drink your own urine, aged is better, or that if you've had measles as a child, you are protected from cancer for life. Then there's all the 2 month old babies who have been vaccinated and died that same day, not sure I know any baby that gets all their vaccinations that young. Oh, and remember that mole you've found, or that cancerous lump, don't worry, all you need to do is use black salve on it, and it will eat away the mole or lump and you will be fine. Or rub turpentine on it, it's not poison they just put that on the bottle because of a Big Pharma law. No need to go to hospital or a doctor. Another thing I've discovered is that you can be a doctor without going to medical school, all you have to do is announce you are a doctor of the natural way, and done, you'll have the anti vaxx crowd flocking to your door. At least until you kill one of them, then they might turn on you.
I've read out right slander against people who have the courage to stand up for what they believe. 18 year old gets vaccinated against his mothers wishes, good on him for not buying into her crap. She goes online and gets comforted by her friends, they blast him and spread lies to discredit him. He's an 18 yr old, he got vaccinated, as is his right, but suddenly he's a terrible son. What he is, is someone who made up his own mind, as an adult he is allowed to do that. Doesn't matter if his mother doesn't like it, it's his choice. The fact that he has done it now, shows me that he has been wanting to for years, but his mother wouldn't let him, and he had to obey.
SIDS never existed pre vaccination days, or so they say. No one was Autistic either. The reason so many were in iron lungs was due to the polio vaccine being poisoned deliberately, as many others still are. Big Pharma wants us all sick so they screw with the tests results. They try to tell us that it's child abuse, that having your child vaccinated is worse than rape. The list of what they try to claim are vaccine injuries is hilarious. They include blindness, psychosis, cancer, epilepsy, freckles, ADD, ADHD and of course the good old Autism. Apparently you can suffer from one of these vaccine injuries if your parents were vaccinated as well. You could be vaccine free, living off your old urine and black salve, but it won't matter if your parents were vaccinated, the poison is passed through the blood, so no matter what your doomed.
I've read the most ridiculous advice given, shit about having a coffee enema, but don't drink the coffee it's poisonous. You've got a fever, don't take anything, you need to do a detox. A fever of 110 you say, oh your 5 year old has a fever of 110, sponge them down, give them some urine to sip on, it will be fine. God built these diseases, who am I to try and ward against God's will. Another mother was asking if it was okay to send her 2 yr old un-vaccinated child to day care, after she was told there was a confirmed case of whooping cough. She had a baby at home, only the 2 yr old went to the daycare. And the advice she was given? Give her vitamin C, but don't keep her home, if she get whooping cough, you've already loaded her with vitamin C. I kid you not, that's what this woman was told.
If you don't want to vaccinate your children, don't. It's your choice, but if your un-vaccinated child gets sick with anything that is contagious, keep them home. Don't take them with you shopping or to visit someone elderly. Don't take them to welcome a new baby, don't put others at risk. And most of all, don't turn around and blame their illness on anyone but yourself. Yes, you have rights. But so do those who choose to vaccinate, so do those who are too young to be vaccinated, and so do those who can't be vaccinated for any reason.
Most of all, don't spread the bullshit. Don't tell someone that they will get cancer if they vaccinate, don't tell someone that drinking piss is good for them, I shudder at the thought of that one. If you have real and honest facts, then share them, by all means, but take off the aluminum hat and get out into the real world, do actually research. Don't take Betty-Sues word for it, just because she knows someone that knows someone that is related to Kevin Bacon's double, doesn't make her an expert on Kevin Bacon.
Catch yas
Cathy
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Pay Back Says You
I'm not often serious when writing my blog, it's a way for me to let off steam, usually at the expense of my poor Mum. But also a way to deal with the harsh reality of having an aging parent with Alzheimers. I'll sometimes have a rant, and bitch about something, but usually try and keep it light. Not this time, this time I'm fucking over it.
After the recent terrorist attack by an Australian fucker in New Zealand, I've been absolutely disgusted with the crap I've been reading on line. Instead of the outpourings of sympathy that I've expected from so many on Facebook, I'm seeing posts talking about pay back, and 'Oh well if it's good enough for them to do it....' What the actual fuck people!!! No wonder the world is such a fucked up place, when idiots are sharing posts or commenting on posts casting blame on the victims. The dead victims, the dead men, the dead women and the dead children. Not the actual person who is to blame, the dead, the victims still in hospital, the families who have lost a loved one, or more, those who's lives are changed forever, the community, the government, they are blaming everyone but the actual fucker himself. Giving him exactly what he wants.
Before anyone starts going on but what about the terrorist attack in Bali, what about 911, or the Philippines (just to name a few), sorry but what about them. They were horrendous acts of terror committed by people of no faith, people with no conscience, people who just don't fucking care. You can say but they were Muslims, but they weren't, not real Muslims that is. Just like the white domestic terrorists, don't represent all white people, the Muslim terrorists are not representing all Muslims. Any act of terror is despicable, it should not happen, doesn't matter who commits the act, it should not happen. But to turn around and start blaming the victims, is as bad as walking armed into a Mosque or Church and shooting. It's as bad as hijacking a plane and flying it into the World Trade Centre. It's as bad as going to a tourist spot and killing 35 people, and it's as bad as a bomb attack against holiday makers.
We constantly hear stories about someone who was beaten up or raped, and how horrible it is when they are blamed. How if you take your rapist to court you are subject to intense scrutiny and your life is ripped apart by the defence attorney. We tell people to report crimes, and yet we turn around and blame the prostitute who is claiming rape, because she's a hooker. We blame the men who go out and get drunk for being attacked, king hit by someone who doesn't even know them. Some man hits his wife or girlfriend, 'why doesn't she leave him, she could just walk out'. No wonder this world is fucked.
Here's the thing, take it or leave it, I don't care. As humans regardless of race or religion, we have to stop blaming the victims. We have to stop with the bullshit childish behaviour 'But he hurt me' or the 'They started it.'. We have to be adult humans, we have to stand up and say, just fucking stop. When someone sends you a video or shares it on social media, and it depicts violence, report and delete. When you read comments from someone that sounds threatening to others, report it, not just on line, call the cops. Take a fucking stand and say no more. No longer will I stand back and let victims be blamed. If you adhere to the bible, isn't there something about loving your neighbour, well guess what folks, we are all neighbours, our skin colour or religion doesn't make a difference. We all still wake up in the morning and go to work, we all still take kids to school, and we all still love our families.
We all know evil exists. Serial killers walk amongst us, KKK members are everywhere, religious extremists spread their hate and the sheep follow them. Back in the old days, pilgrims were driven out of their country, witches were burnt at the stake, jews were sent into gas chambers, native peoples the world over were slaughtered for their land, none of this was right, and we know that. If we can know that these atrocities were wrong why can we not see the truth now. Why must we continue to blame the victims?
My love goes across the sea to our sisters and brothers in New Zealand, regardless of your religion or skin colour. You have my love and sympathy.
Catch yas
Cathy
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Out with the Old
Here we are, waiting for the new year to begin, and anxious for the old to end. It can't get any worse can it?
This year hasn't been a picnic, it hasn't been the worst year I've lived through, but it's been a horror year. I'm sick of any strength sayings such as 'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger' or this one by Eleanor Roosevelt 'You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...you must do the thing you think you cannot do' well they can just fuck right off. I'm over being strong and handling it all, been there done that, I want to just be able to sit back and not think about anything at all. Wake up in the morning, work, go to bed at night, and start it all over the next day.
I don't want to wake up to a phone call with someone on the other end relaying some sort of problem. I want to just get a call to say hi, or a call with an invite, fuck being the tower of strength in the family. Just fuck it.
My worst year was the year my husband died, I had to pull on every last reservoir of strength I had, borrowing from friends and family, just to get through it without taking the simple way out. I had to make decisions that were the best for my young family, and yet I had no clue what the fuck I was doing. Still not sure how I did it, and I'm sure I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm only human and will continue to make mistakes. To anyone who told me I was young and would move on, well fuck you too. I wasn't and aren't going to get married again, I don't want to. I like being me, single with no complications. It might of been better for the kids, but you know what, it wasn't better for me and if it wasn't better for me, it was going to make it all worse for the kids. Not sure they understand that, but I hope they do.
After discovering in January, that Mum would not be able to live alone again, action had to be taken. She'd made the decision a few years ago to give me Power of Attorney and Enduring Power of Attorney. I took over her banking, and driving at first, simple things, but as she got worse it became clear she couldn't live at home anymore. Not without 24 hr care, which was something none of us kids could give her. I've had people tell me they sacrificed all to care for their ailing parents, well good for them. They have also tried to make me feel guilty for the way her care was handled, well fuck you. You aren't me, you aren't my family, you are nothing. Just because you were in a position to give up your job and your life, doesn't mean everyone can. If I could of done it, I would of, but to be honest, both me and Mum are happier the way it is.
I had just begun the daunting task of searching for a home for Mum, in our area, been online and sent out feelers, had Mum's social worker searching as well. and had set up appointments to view some of the local homes. When I got a call to say there was a room available. I'd actually had a chance to tour this one, it was lovely, in the mountains, and despite the rep from my youth, was lovely. We knew her house would have to be sold, but we didn't expect to find a place for her so quickly. Once she was placed, the clean up began, my brother began taking his search for somewhere else to live more seriously. I would of loved to have kicked him in the arse over his delaying, but I also understood him, this was the only home he'd ever known, the act of packing his life into boxes was daunting, plus he still had to work.
I took carloads of clothes, shoes, linens and handbags to donate, carloads of absolute crap and expired food to the tip. Broken things all went to the tip, we had a garage sale and got rid of all but a small amount of her piles and piles of material and other sewing supplies. There was the discoveries, the original wedding cert for my paternal grandparents, the old photos, the rsvp cards and the memoriam cards for my grandfather's funeral. The plans for the house my parents built, history was found and is treasured. My work was great, gave me time off when needed and I needed a lot, and I was able to squeeze in some much needed time away. The house sold pretty quickly, and then it was moving my brother out, getting out what we wanted to keep, and getting the house cleaned out completely. There was rubbish in the yard and under the house, old furniture that we couldn't donate, and asbestos removal.
I had to borrow money to get it all done, I knew I'd get the money back on the house, but it still had to be paid back in the meantime. Stretched me financially, and I had to borrow from my other brother as well, but it got done, finally. There were times I thought, I couldn't go on, but if not me, who the fuck was going to get it done. I'd dealt with it in a way no one else in my family had before, when my husband died. Was easier then to be honest, not mentally, just physically I think. I sweated buckets lol.
So that was the start of the year. The rest of the year has been spent dealing with all the other shit, getting a will drawn up for Mum, settling all her debts, and she had some surprises there (insert eye rolling), as she loved to shop. She still loves to shop, but these days it's confined to the Nursing Home op shop where the most she spends is $5 on a pair of earrings for her non pierced ears lol. Got a surprise bill from the Nursing Home, where they wanted $5000 for her care, care that I'd been assured wouldn't be billed as we were waiting on the house sale to pay her bond. I've searched and searched and can't find the paperwork I know I had, or at least my notes of who I spoke to about it. So it had to be paid, pissed me off, she's a pensioner, she had no money, and yet they did that. I'm sure that in all the mess that was her life there's something, but I'm fucked if I can find it, and even less enthusiastic about another search. I could just as easily thrown it out, thinking it was junk, I did throw out a lot of stuff.
I have had some great laughs, like when the lawyer wanted the deeds to the house, and I searched and searched, not finding them, not realising that what I did find the Certificate of Title, was in fact the deeds to the house lol. Or the things Mum comes out with, as you would know from other blogs, she is hilarious. I've shed a lot of tears, more than I wanted to, and I've felt more alone than I ever have in my life. But I've endured, and for 2019, I don't want to just endure, I want to move forward. I want to sit back and let someone else do it all. I don't want any phone calls about any problems with anyone. I don't want anyone to think "Cathy can do it, she's tough, she can handle it.", for 2019, the strength of Cathy is closed. Work it out yourselves, instead of thinking of me, this year I'm being selfish, I think I deserve it. And for fucks sake, no more problems, only happy shit please lol.
I know that if needed, and anyone who knows me knows it as well, that I will be there to help and to offer my strength, so despite what I say I will be there, but it is a nice thought. An entire year without any shit, without anything going wrong, just being able to sit back and relax and enjoy life for a change, would be very nice indeed lol.
While I sit here typing and thinking, my mind is racing with things that need to be done, the back lawn needs mowing and there's a shitload of weeds to pull that if they don't get pulled will spread. There's dead branches out the back that need to be sorted, the carpet needs to be shampooed, windows washed, but fuck it. That's going to be my mantra this year, just fuck it lol.
Happy New Year everyone, may 2019 bring you joy and happiness.
Catch yas
Cathy
This year hasn't been a picnic, it hasn't been the worst year I've lived through, but it's been a horror year. I'm sick of any strength sayings such as 'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger' or this one by Eleanor Roosevelt 'You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...you must do the thing you think you cannot do' well they can just fuck right off. I'm over being strong and handling it all, been there done that, I want to just be able to sit back and not think about anything at all. Wake up in the morning, work, go to bed at night, and start it all over the next day.
I don't want to wake up to a phone call with someone on the other end relaying some sort of problem. I want to just get a call to say hi, or a call with an invite, fuck being the tower of strength in the family. Just fuck it.
My worst year was the year my husband died, I had to pull on every last reservoir of strength I had, borrowing from friends and family, just to get through it without taking the simple way out. I had to make decisions that were the best for my young family, and yet I had no clue what the fuck I was doing. Still not sure how I did it, and I'm sure I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm only human and will continue to make mistakes. To anyone who told me I was young and would move on, well fuck you too. I wasn't and aren't going to get married again, I don't want to. I like being me, single with no complications. It might of been better for the kids, but you know what, it wasn't better for me and if it wasn't better for me, it was going to make it all worse for the kids. Not sure they understand that, but I hope they do.
After discovering in January, that Mum would not be able to live alone again, action had to be taken. She'd made the decision a few years ago to give me Power of Attorney and Enduring Power of Attorney. I took over her banking, and driving at first, simple things, but as she got worse it became clear she couldn't live at home anymore. Not without 24 hr care, which was something none of us kids could give her. I've had people tell me they sacrificed all to care for their ailing parents, well good for them. They have also tried to make me feel guilty for the way her care was handled, well fuck you. You aren't me, you aren't my family, you are nothing. Just because you were in a position to give up your job and your life, doesn't mean everyone can. If I could of done it, I would of, but to be honest, both me and Mum are happier the way it is.
I had just begun the daunting task of searching for a home for Mum, in our area, been online and sent out feelers, had Mum's social worker searching as well. and had set up appointments to view some of the local homes. When I got a call to say there was a room available. I'd actually had a chance to tour this one, it was lovely, in the mountains, and despite the rep from my youth, was lovely. We knew her house would have to be sold, but we didn't expect to find a place for her so quickly. Once she was placed, the clean up began, my brother began taking his search for somewhere else to live more seriously. I would of loved to have kicked him in the arse over his delaying, but I also understood him, this was the only home he'd ever known, the act of packing his life into boxes was daunting, plus he still had to work.
I took carloads of clothes, shoes, linens and handbags to donate, carloads of absolute crap and expired food to the tip. Broken things all went to the tip, we had a garage sale and got rid of all but a small amount of her piles and piles of material and other sewing supplies. There was the discoveries, the original wedding cert for my paternal grandparents, the old photos, the rsvp cards and the memoriam cards for my grandfather's funeral. The plans for the house my parents built, history was found and is treasured. My work was great, gave me time off when needed and I needed a lot, and I was able to squeeze in some much needed time away. The house sold pretty quickly, and then it was moving my brother out, getting out what we wanted to keep, and getting the house cleaned out completely. There was rubbish in the yard and under the house, old furniture that we couldn't donate, and asbestos removal.
I had to borrow money to get it all done, I knew I'd get the money back on the house, but it still had to be paid back in the meantime. Stretched me financially, and I had to borrow from my other brother as well, but it got done, finally. There were times I thought, I couldn't go on, but if not me, who the fuck was going to get it done. I'd dealt with it in a way no one else in my family had before, when my husband died. Was easier then to be honest, not mentally, just physically I think. I sweated buckets lol.
So that was the start of the year. The rest of the year has been spent dealing with all the other shit, getting a will drawn up for Mum, settling all her debts, and she had some surprises there (insert eye rolling), as she loved to shop. She still loves to shop, but these days it's confined to the Nursing Home op shop where the most she spends is $5 on a pair of earrings for her non pierced ears lol. Got a surprise bill from the Nursing Home, where they wanted $5000 for her care, care that I'd been assured wouldn't be billed as we were waiting on the house sale to pay her bond. I've searched and searched and can't find the paperwork I know I had, or at least my notes of who I spoke to about it. So it had to be paid, pissed me off, she's a pensioner, she had no money, and yet they did that. I'm sure that in all the mess that was her life there's something, but I'm fucked if I can find it, and even less enthusiastic about another search. I could just as easily thrown it out, thinking it was junk, I did throw out a lot of stuff.
I have had some great laughs, like when the lawyer wanted the deeds to the house, and I searched and searched, not finding them, not realising that what I did find the Certificate of Title, was in fact the deeds to the house lol. Or the things Mum comes out with, as you would know from other blogs, she is hilarious. I've shed a lot of tears, more than I wanted to, and I've felt more alone than I ever have in my life. But I've endured, and for 2019, I don't want to just endure, I want to move forward. I want to sit back and let someone else do it all. I don't want any phone calls about any problems with anyone. I don't want anyone to think "Cathy can do it, she's tough, she can handle it.", for 2019, the strength of Cathy is closed. Work it out yourselves, instead of thinking of me, this year I'm being selfish, I think I deserve it. And for fucks sake, no more problems, only happy shit please lol.
I know that if needed, and anyone who knows me knows it as well, that I will be there to help and to offer my strength, so despite what I say I will be there, but it is a nice thought. An entire year without any shit, without anything going wrong, just being able to sit back and relax and enjoy life for a change, would be very nice indeed lol.
While I sit here typing and thinking, my mind is racing with things that need to be done, the back lawn needs mowing and there's a shitload of weeds to pull that if they don't get pulled will spread. There's dead branches out the back that need to be sorted, the carpet needs to be shampooed, windows washed, but fuck it. That's going to be my mantra this year, just fuck it lol.
Happy New Year everyone, may 2019 bring you joy and happiness.
Catch yas
Cathy
Monday, December 24, 2018
Life in the Twilight Zone - And so this is Christmas
Firstly, Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you have had, or will have a fantastic day.
It was a strange Christmas day for me today. Usually I'm surrounded by family, if not all the kids at least some of them, but not this year. My eldest went away with her family, my middle child stayed at home with hers, and my son and his gf did their own thing. I've seen them all of course, in the lead up to Christmas, but just felt weird.
It was Mum's first Christmas in the Nursing Home, so I decided to bring her down to my place for the day. Have a nice quiet day, with an easy lunch. I figure we should do this while we still can, the day will come when it won't be possible, so have to make the most of it. I woke up late, and went off to pick her up about 10 am, couldn't believe the traffic, crazy. Despite her joy at seeing me she was confused about the fact it was Christmas Day, but was happy to go out.
As usually, she had track pants, closed shoes, a long sleeved top and a jacket on, I had thongs, a shirt with no sleeves and 3/4 shorts lol. I suggested she change, but she wasn't having any of it. I guess because she is used to the ac in the home, it always feels cold to her.
We drove back here without incident, I gave her her present (2 tops and some chocolates), and told her I'd bought myself something on her behalf, I didn't but I don't want her money.
Mum: So, which one of your kids lives far away?
Me: Caryn, Mum. She lives in Henty.
Mum: Oh, that's right, I'd love to see them.
Me: They'll be up in the new year, they'll see you then.
Mum: That would be lovely. Someones here, who is it.
I glance out the window.
Me: It's Anthony and Jann, Mum.
Mum: Oh that's nice, are they together again?
Me: They were never apart Mum.
We sat down and chatted, well Mum repeated the same story over and over, and then my nephews arrived. It was good, great to see them again, and to receive some Greg Nog (homemade eggnog with brandy). We were chatting about general things, and talk turned to the house.
Mum: Is Dale still seeing the same girl?
Me: Yes, they live together.
Mum: Oh, I remember when they came around and Dale cut down the tree for me.
Me: No he didn't.
Mum: Yes he did. Her father is a tree cutter and he taught Dale how to cut down trees.
Me: No he didn't.
Mum: Yes, I remember.
Me: Her dad isn't a tree cutter, and Dale never cut down a tree for you. He trimmed a couple of branches but no tree cutting.
Mum: Yes he did. Her father is a tree cutter....................................
We have no idea who she was talking about, but it wasn't my son lol.
Mum, to my brother: What are the boys doing now?
Anthony aka Tony: Why don't you ask them they are sitting right there, and there.
Mum turns to look and seemed to be shocked they were there, and so big. It's okay for my girls to be in their 30's, but apparently his boys who are the same age as the girls, are still prepubescent lol.
It was a good day.
Driving Mum home later, she regaled me with stories of the nursing home, the same ones I've heard many times before, but she was happy, and despite it driving me insane the way she repeats everything, I love that she is happy. She talks about the home all the time, and how she loves all the activities and outings they have. She can be mean about some of them, and makes up wild tales about others, but all in all, she is where she needs to be. She is getting worse, it's plain to see, and as the day goes on it gets more and more obvious. But for as long as I'm able, I will take her out for days, here and there. Next trip will be shopping for some much needed comfy shoes. She has new shoes, but they are shoved in the back of her wardrobe as they are uncomfortable (she chose them).
She also appears to have a heap of new clothes, must check the statements for the op shop at the home, she has no doubt been spending up big there lol.
Well that's it from me for now folks, I'm going to get some leftovers and Greg Nog.
Catch yas
Cathy
PS, she also told us she wasn't doing badly for an 86 year old, she's 82 lol.
It was a strange Christmas day for me today. Usually I'm surrounded by family, if not all the kids at least some of them, but not this year. My eldest went away with her family, my middle child stayed at home with hers, and my son and his gf did their own thing. I've seen them all of course, in the lead up to Christmas, but just felt weird.
It was Mum's first Christmas in the Nursing Home, so I decided to bring her down to my place for the day. Have a nice quiet day, with an easy lunch. I figure we should do this while we still can, the day will come when it won't be possible, so have to make the most of it. I woke up late, and went off to pick her up about 10 am, couldn't believe the traffic, crazy. Despite her joy at seeing me she was confused about the fact it was Christmas Day, but was happy to go out.
As usually, she had track pants, closed shoes, a long sleeved top and a jacket on, I had thongs, a shirt with no sleeves and 3/4 shorts lol. I suggested she change, but she wasn't having any of it. I guess because she is used to the ac in the home, it always feels cold to her.
We drove back here without incident, I gave her her present (2 tops and some chocolates), and told her I'd bought myself something on her behalf, I didn't but I don't want her money.
Mum: So, which one of your kids lives far away?
Me: Caryn, Mum. She lives in Henty.
Mum: Oh, that's right, I'd love to see them.
Me: They'll be up in the new year, they'll see you then.
Mum: That would be lovely. Someones here, who is it.
I glance out the window.
Me: It's Anthony and Jann, Mum.
Mum: Oh that's nice, are they together again?
Me: They were never apart Mum.
We sat down and chatted, well Mum repeated the same story over and over, and then my nephews arrived. It was good, great to see them again, and to receive some Greg Nog (homemade eggnog with brandy). We were chatting about general things, and talk turned to the house.
Mum: Is Dale still seeing the same girl?
Me: Yes, they live together.
Mum: Oh, I remember when they came around and Dale cut down the tree for me.
Me: No he didn't.
Mum: Yes he did. Her father is a tree cutter and he taught Dale how to cut down trees.
Me: No he didn't.
Mum: Yes, I remember.
Me: Her dad isn't a tree cutter, and Dale never cut down a tree for you. He trimmed a couple of branches but no tree cutting.
Mum: Yes he did. Her father is a tree cutter....................................
We have no idea who she was talking about, but it wasn't my son lol.
Mum, to my brother: What are the boys doing now?
Anthony aka Tony: Why don't you ask them they are sitting right there, and there.
Mum turns to look and seemed to be shocked they were there, and so big. It's okay for my girls to be in their 30's, but apparently his boys who are the same age as the girls, are still prepubescent lol.
It was a good day.
Driving Mum home later, she regaled me with stories of the nursing home, the same ones I've heard many times before, but she was happy, and despite it driving me insane the way she repeats everything, I love that she is happy. She talks about the home all the time, and how she loves all the activities and outings they have. She can be mean about some of them, and makes up wild tales about others, but all in all, she is where she needs to be. She is getting worse, it's plain to see, and as the day goes on it gets more and more obvious. But for as long as I'm able, I will take her out for days, here and there. Next trip will be shopping for some much needed comfy shoes. She has new shoes, but they are shoved in the back of her wardrobe as they are uncomfortable (she chose them).
She also appears to have a heap of new clothes, must check the statements for the op shop at the home, she has no doubt been spending up big there lol.
Well that's it from me for now folks, I'm going to get some leftovers and Greg Nog.
Catch yas
Cathy
PS, she also told us she wasn't doing badly for an 86 year old, she's 82 lol.
Saturday, September 1, 2018
Life in the Twilight Zone - Is it really a Nursing Home?
As per normal I visited Mum today. I have noticed after the last few weeks, that she is starting to get the shakes, and isn't colouring in as well as she used to. Her memory hasn't changed, in that I mean she has random false memories mixed in with proper memories LOL.
Today we enjoyed our coffee and she had a caramel slice (heaven to her) and we were chatting as we always do. She asked me if I'd heard from her friend Nelda.
"Have you heard from Nelda at all?"
"No, I'm not in contact with her."
"Oh, I was wondering how she is going down in Emu Plains without Arthur."
"She isn't in Emu Plains Mum."
"Oh good, she did move then."
"She's never lived in Emu Plains Mum, when they sold the house they moved into assisted living in Springwood. They bought a 2 bedroom flat in Bucklands."
"Yes, now she lives there, but they lived in Emu Plains and that's where they were living when Arthur died. I remember going down and seeing him and then I had a look around to see if I wanted to move in there.It was just over I had that fall and hurt my shoulder. I drove there to see him one last time. It wasn't easy driving, with a broken shoulder."
For the record, Arthur passed away in Springwood, at the assisted living facility where they moved after they sold their house. Mum hasn't had a license for 3 years, and it was the hospitalisation after the fall when she broke her shoulder that let to her being transferred directly into the Nursing home. Also Arthur has been dead about 15 years I think lol.
"Oh really Mum."
"Yes, it really wasn't the place for me, too much fussing."
"Hmmmm."
For the record, she loves someone fussing over her lol.
"I need to let Nelda know that she could move up here now, there's so much room."
"I'm sure she's happy in her 2 bedroom apartment Mum. She'd have more room there than here."
"Oh no, over the back they have lovely apartments, I've been getting around and I know where everything is now."
Yep another for the record. Over the back of the Nursing Home, is a cliff. They'd be hard pressed to build apartments there and they'd never get approval lol.
I showed her a pic that Dale sent me of his gf Emma, down at the snow fields, she laughed and laughed, and then asked me if I'd heard from Nelda. Rather than go down that path again, I changed the subject lol.
We went down to her room to unpack the shopping I'd bought her. She starts fussing around, and tidying up. She had a whole pile of clothes on the chair, and I asked if they were to be washed.
"I don't know where they came from, they aren't mine."
She's obviously been shopping at the home shop again lol. But hey, it's all for a good cause, and it's an op shop so cheap as chips. I put her apples in her bowl.
"Oh that's great thanks, I take them down to the kitchen and they cut them up for me. Maybe you could bring me up a pen knife next time."
"Ummm, I'm not sure that's a good idea Mum. I don't think I like the idea of you in a Nursing Home walking around with a knife."
I had an image in my head of the shower scene in Psycho, but the shadow incorporated her walking frame lol.
Obviously she doesn't see why I have an issue, so I offered to bring her up a switch blade to distract her. It worked she started laughing and we created images of how the old folks and staff would react if she pulled it out of her pocket lol. She had forgotten about the knife by the time I left. I've started bringing some of her winter clothes home, the ones she doesn't need now it's getting a bit warmer, and the ones she hasn't even worn while there. She panicked a bit and admonished me to make sure I kept them safe cause you just never know who could be lurking to rob me. Yes, she said lurking lol.
As we made our way to the lift, she pointed to the doors to the staff only area,
"That's where they keep the mothers and children."
"What? Mothers and children?"
"Yes, they keep them separate so we aren't disturbed. It's a wonderful system."
"Mum, this is a Nursing Home for old people, why would they have mothers and children here?"
"Well why wouldn't they? It's a Nursing Home, they are nursing mothers."
She had a point, so I let it go, laughing maniacally on the inside lol. Every week it's something different, some new addition to where she lives. So glad I don't rely on her to direct me though, she wanted me to turn left instead of right to get to the car park. Her way would of had us tumbling off the cliff edge, my way led to the car park lol.
They had some therapy dogs there today, so cute in their little basket. I couldn't help but imagine Zeus there. He would absolutely love it, all the pats and attention he desired, he'd probably also knock people flying as he galloped up the hallways and slid on the well polished floors lol.
Catch yas.
Cathy
Today we enjoyed our coffee and she had a caramel slice (heaven to her) and we were chatting as we always do. She asked me if I'd heard from her friend Nelda.
"Have you heard from Nelda at all?"
"No, I'm not in contact with her."
"Oh, I was wondering how she is going down in Emu Plains without Arthur."
"She isn't in Emu Plains Mum."
"Oh good, she did move then."
"She's never lived in Emu Plains Mum, when they sold the house they moved into assisted living in Springwood. They bought a 2 bedroom flat in Bucklands."
"Yes, now she lives there, but they lived in Emu Plains and that's where they were living when Arthur died. I remember going down and seeing him and then I had a look around to see if I wanted to move in there.It was just over I had that fall and hurt my shoulder. I drove there to see him one last time. It wasn't easy driving, with a broken shoulder."
For the record, Arthur passed away in Springwood, at the assisted living facility where they moved after they sold their house. Mum hasn't had a license for 3 years, and it was the hospitalisation after the fall when she broke her shoulder that let to her being transferred directly into the Nursing home. Also Arthur has been dead about 15 years I think lol.
"Oh really Mum."
"Yes, it really wasn't the place for me, too much fussing."
"Hmmmm."
For the record, she loves someone fussing over her lol.
"I need to let Nelda know that she could move up here now, there's so much room."
"I'm sure she's happy in her 2 bedroom apartment Mum. She'd have more room there than here."
"Oh no, over the back they have lovely apartments, I've been getting around and I know where everything is now."
Yep another for the record. Over the back of the Nursing Home, is a cliff. They'd be hard pressed to build apartments there and they'd never get approval lol.
I showed her a pic that Dale sent me of his gf Emma, down at the snow fields, she laughed and laughed, and then asked me if I'd heard from Nelda. Rather than go down that path again, I changed the subject lol.
We went down to her room to unpack the shopping I'd bought her. She starts fussing around, and tidying up. She had a whole pile of clothes on the chair, and I asked if they were to be washed.
"I don't know where they came from, they aren't mine."
She's obviously been shopping at the home shop again lol. But hey, it's all for a good cause, and it's an op shop so cheap as chips. I put her apples in her bowl.
"Oh that's great thanks, I take them down to the kitchen and they cut them up for me. Maybe you could bring me up a pen knife next time."
"Ummm, I'm not sure that's a good idea Mum. I don't think I like the idea of you in a Nursing Home walking around with a knife."
I had an image in my head of the shower scene in Psycho, but the shadow incorporated her walking frame lol.
Obviously she doesn't see why I have an issue, so I offered to bring her up a switch blade to distract her. It worked she started laughing and we created images of how the old folks and staff would react if she pulled it out of her pocket lol. She had forgotten about the knife by the time I left. I've started bringing some of her winter clothes home, the ones she doesn't need now it's getting a bit warmer, and the ones she hasn't even worn while there. She panicked a bit and admonished me to make sure I kept them safe cause you just never know who could be lurking to rob me. Yes, she said lurking lol.
As we made our way to the lift, she pointed to the doors to the staff only area,
"That's where they keep the mothers and children."
"What? Mothers and children?"
"Yes, they keep them separate so we aren't disturbed. It's a wonderful system."
"Mum, this is a Nursing Home for old people, why would they have mothers and children here?"
"Well why wouldn't they? It's a Nursing Home, they are nursing mothers."
She had a point, so I let it go, laughing maniacally on the inside lol. Every week it's something different, some new addition to where she lives. So glad I don't rely on her to direct me though, she wanted me to turn left instead of right to get to the car park. Her way would of had us tumbling off the cliff edge, my way led to the car park lol.
They had some therapy dogs there today, so cute in their little basket. I couldn't help but imagine Zeus there. He would absolutely love it, all the pats and attention he desired, he'd probably also knock people flying as he galloped up the hallways and slid on the well polished floors lol.
Catch yas.
Cathy
Friday, August 31, 2018
Face Palm
Never ceases to amaze me how gullible people are. Or maybe they aren't gullible maybe they just enjoy continuing the hate and spreading the bullshit.
Social Media, is great, it can be truly awesome, but (yes folks there is always a but lol), it's also filled with hate and lies. It doesn't take much to see through the lies, a Google search, or even just common sense. That so called fact someone copied from a Government website, that is full of grammar errors and spelling mistakes?, that is not the truth. The letter a friends friends brothers friends cousin, they are sharing, is also not a fact. Don't be so damn gullible, take the time to research before you post something that is total bullshit, be responsible. And don't then defend it, you look like more of a fool when you do.
Everyone gets up in arms over bullying, and rightly so it's disgusting. People rally and protest over the murderer who gets a lenient sentence, again rightly so. But those same people then go onto Social Media, and bully. Yep, that's what I said they bully. By posting a lie, by spreading it around, even to your small circle of friends, you are being a bully. Posting a picture of violence that is purported to be something it actually isn't, plastering someones face on line, that is all a form of bullying. You are doing exactly what a bully in a school does, picking on the weak and innocent. The police and attorneys, are the ones who build the cases against criminals, not you. For all you know that face you are spreading around gleefully, is innocent. Or you could be putting a crimp in the investigation. Sure spread around the Amber Alerts or news reports, but don't spread something around just because you see it shared on someone else's page, check your facts first.
Don't get me wrong, I love Social Media. I love playing games on line, I love getting to know people from all over the world. But everyday I'm inundated with bullshit lol. While I get to know a lot of people, it's opened my eyes to just how gullible people can really be, and I'm absolutely gob smacked by their justifications surrounding their sharing of something so stupid a 3 year old would know it was bullshit.
I don't claim to be the most intelligent person in the world, nor do I claim to know everything. But what I do know is that not everything I read on line is true. All the posts about some actor or singer going to share their wealth if you share their post, seriously? why the hell would you believe that, why the hell would they do that? It's such an obvious lie. And what about all the posts share with an amen if you want to help this baby blah blah. Seriously? How the hell would that help anyone? It doesn't, and it's a lie, been proven a lie time and time again. It's like the old chain letters that used to go around, if you break this chain etc, bullshit. I broke that damn chain and danced on it's remains lol. While you are sharing this supposed heartbreaking picture and story, the person who created and photo shopped it, is laughing maniacally and calling out "Suckered another one." from the basement they live in at their parents house. What they are really doing is spreading their evil tentacles around the world and loving it. Why would you want to help them do that?
I have no doubt that there is some stories that are true, but do some research before sharing. I don't have an issue with anyone's beliefs or religion, I don't give a damn about their politics either, but I do have an issue with the sharing of what is obviously a lie. Use Social Media for the purpose it was meant to be for. Keep in contact with friends and family, play games, share jokes, post hilarious memes, or share your day. Don't use it to spread hate and lies, don't use it to spread blatant bullshit.
Catch yas
Cathy
Social Media, is great, it can be truly awesome, but (yes folks there is always a but lol), it's also filled with hate and lies. It doesn't take much to see through the lies, a Google search, or even just common sense. That so called fact someone copied from a Government website, that is full of grammar errors and spelling mistakes?, that is not the truth. The letter a friends friends brothers friends cousin, they are sharing, is also not a fact. Don't be so damn gullible, take the time to research before you post something that is total bullshit, be responsible. And don't then defend it, you look like more of a fool when you do.
Everyone gets up in arms over bullying, and rightly so it's disgusting. People rally and protest over the murderer who gets a lenient sentence, again rightly so. But those same people then go onto Social Media, and bully. Yep, that's what I said they bully. By posting a lie, by spreading it around, even to your small circle of friends, you are being a bully. Posting a picture of violence that is purported to be something it actually isn't, plastering someones face on line, that is all a form of bullying. You are doing exactly what a bully in a school does, picking on the weak and innocent. The police and attorneys, are the ones who build the cases against criminals, not you. For all you know that face you are spreading around gleefully, is innocent. Or you could be putting a crimp in the investigation. Sure spread around the Amber Alerts or news reports, but don't spread something around just because you see it shared on someone else's page, check your facts first.
Don't get me wrong, I love Social Media. I love playing games on line, I love getting to know people from all over the world. But everyday I'm inundated with bullshit lol. While I get to know a lot of people, it's opened my eyes to just how gullible people can really be, and I'm absolutely gob smacked by their justifications surrounding their sharing of something so stupid a 3 year old would know it was bullshit.
I don't claim to be the most intelligent person in the world, nor do I claim to know everything. But what I do know is that not everything I read on line is true. All the posts about some actor or singer going to share their wealth if you share their post, seriously? why the hell would you believe that, why the hell would they do that? It's such an obvious lie. And what about all the posts share with an amen if you want to help this baby blah blah. Seriously? How the hell would that help anyone? It doesn't, and it's a lie, been proven a lie time and time again. It's like the old chain letters that used to go around, if you break this chain etc, bullshit. I broke that damn chain and danced on it's remains lol. While you are sharing this supposed heartbreaking picture and story, the person who created and photo shopped it, is laughing maniacally and calling out "Suckered another one." from the basement they live in at their parents house. What they are really doing is spreading their evil tentacles around the world and loving it. Why would you want to help them do that?
I have no doubt that there is some stories that are true, but do some research before sharing. I don't have an issue with anyone's beliefs or religion, I don't give a damn about their politics either, but I do have an issue with the sharing of what is obviously a lie. Use Social Media for the purpose it was meant to be for. Keep in contact with friends and family, play games, share jokes, post hilarious memes, or share your day. Don't use it to spread hate and lies, don't use it to spread blatant bullshit.
Catch yas
Cathy
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