Mixed feelings on this one guys. It's the end of an era for my family, the family homestead is officially on the market.
Mum and Dad bought the land, built a garage to live in, while building the house and moved into the house back in 1958. There wasn't very many shops in the area, no footpaths, and no fancy lifts to use to make getting over the railway line easier. But it was and is still a truly beautiful area. It's easy to see why they purchased the block surrounded by bushland in such a quiet peaceful street.
I say mixed feelings because my family built and owned this house, it has been theirs to call home for almost 60 years, but it will be a relief when it's sold, knowing that Mum will be comfortable for the rest of her life. I would love to be able to hold onto it, but it's not possible. They built it, they extended it, they raised the 3 of us in it. Both were involved in Blaxland Rural Fire Brigade, something we are all proud of. Dad would be out defending other peoples homes and livelihoods, while Mum and the other ladies would keep them going with food and drinks.
Our friends lived around the corner, or up the street a bit. We grew up playing in the bush next door and behind us. We frequented the sandpit as it was known by locals, and clambered around the waterhole and waterfall. Later we would go motorbike riding down the fire trails, easy access for us as they were just behind us. We cooked potatoes in the ashes of the fires Dad built to burn off all the leaves every winter. Collecting kindling for the open fire in the house was essential, and one of our jobs. I remember walking home from the bus stop one day and we thought there was something wrong when we rounded the corner. Only to realise later that it was a huge tree that had fallen down. Typical kids, something looked different but we didn't know what lol.
I remember the Christmas we got the mini bike, and we were all up at the crack of dawn to have a ride, before heading to Sydney for Christmas Day. I remember climbing up on the pergola with ease, now I don't like climbing a ladder. I remember sitting in the mulberry tree eating and eating. Swimming in our above ground pool, was a luxury, not everyone had one, so we were thrilled to have it. All in all we lived a great existence, despite the fact we would of whined alot lol.
My brothers nickname FUD is in the concrete on the back step. I wish I'd had a chance to write my name lol. My tiny little bedroom, it was my escape and also the place to escape from. Sneaking a smoke in my room, I was so daring, and blowing the smoke out the window, incense burning of course. Throwing up in the bin after a night drinking, underage of course, sorry Dad hehehehe. The party we threw when Mum and Dad were away, and all the trash later found in the garden, usually by Dad lol.
But memories will not die, we have photos as well. The truth is we cannot hold onto the house, and that is a harsh reality of life, but our memories will not be sold with the house, they will remain. The good times and the bad, the fun and happiness that was our lives will not disappear when the house is sold, it will live on.
So mixed emotions, raging emotions, tear to the eye emotions, but always in the back of the mind is the facts and that we have to deal with it all. It's not going to kill us, when it sells, and the relief that Mum is protected will be immense, but I won't say I won't cry, cause I damn well will.
Catch yas
Cathy
People, please remember that everything you don't do, regarding cleaning up and discarding unused, broken or unnecessary items, leaves something for your family to deal with, and believe me it's not fun.
Garage sale at Mum's was on Saturday. If you're not in Australia, you may not know that we had Australia Day on Friday, so I didn't have to work, woohoo. I've been trying to go around to Mum's every day to do a little bit. Got to much for me last week, with having a late shift and not finishing till 7pm, did not want to go around after work, just wanted to chill. So I took 2 days off, Wednesday and Thursday and then had the long weekend, 5 days off. Sounds great, right? 5 days off work, who doesn't love a break? Yeh, wish it had been a break. Worked non stop at Mum's, cleaning out her room, yep hadn't finished it, even after taking 30 garbage bags of clothes, shoes, bags and accessories to the op shop still had more to do.
It's been stinking hot over here, and Mum had no ac, she had a ceiling fan in her room, but all it did was stir up the dust and the warm air. Water on hand, towel to wipe the sweat from my brow, I dug in. I finished her room the first day, couldn't face attempting anything else, just wanted to jump in a cold shower, or a nice spa. Settled for the shower since I don't have a spa lol. Thursday morning, I woke with the dread of knowing I had to get around there again and continue.
Spare room this time, my old room. She still has my old bed in there, can't sell it cause it's terrible, but we'll get rid of it. Wardrobe filled with absolute garbage for the most part. Although I did find a foot spa to sell. We always knew she had a lot of material for patchwork, but when I found all the wool, I was shocked. She had bags of it, and in those bags were all started projects, that were just packed away when she lost interest. Judging by the amount she'd done on each, she lost interest very quickly. I guess I was lucky not to find any art supplies, or pottery stuff. They were also hobbies she had. I'd already thrown out a lot of books that were filled with Latin from when she did that. Then there was the computer that she went to classes for, but never quite grasped. Wasn't surprised when I saw the reams of print outs from her class, was way to technical for someone of Mum's age just starting out. She could barely operate her answering machine, and thought she could tackle a pc lol.
Kudos to her for all she had tried, and did well at. But I just wish she had of thought ahead and gotten rid of the stuff when she was done with it. Latin dictionaries, old school books, computer lessons, and more. In everything I cleaned out there was always random photos, and wait for it..............................scissors! Yep, scissors. No idea how she got so many or why she had so many, but it was raining bloody scissors.
After another day of sweating like a pig, I headed back home for another cold shower. Then I had to get to the bank for change for the garage sale, sigh.
Friday came with a groan, and I headed back around. My daughter Caryn was driving up from Henty (google it LOL) to help out. My younger brother was home so it was back into the spare room, this time to tackle the bookshelf and it's shelves bursting with magazines, all about quilting and patchwork of course. As I carried load after load out to the back room, my brother loaded boxes with books, and checked in to make sure I wasn't throwing out anything of his LOL. He's a bit of a hoarder too, but with him it's always books, and it's mostly confined to his room. There is bookshelves in the hallway, filled with books, but they are stored away so aren't an issue. On the other hand Mum kept the house clean, but every single nook and cranny was filled with material and all that goes with it.
After another sweat filled morning, I headed home for lunch and replenished my water and drank another shitload. When Caryn arrived, she thought she could get in a nap, I let her have coffee instead LOL. I don't think she'd fully grasped the enormity of the task ahead when I'd sent her pics and instant messages. Piles and piles of magazines all at least $7 a pop, plastic containers and cardboard boxes, filled with material. You'd open a door in a cupboard and there's more material LOL. We had a full basket full of scissors, another with cotton thread, another with buttons, and then there was the basket of needles and pins. Mum was always on at me to go to Spotlight to get new needles, I should of just forced her to search her house for them LOL.
We did as much as we could that night but knew it wasn't enough, it was just too much for us to handle in the heat. Having a few drinks that night we laughed over all the shit we'd found, but under the laughter was the realisation that we shouldn't have to do this. While not a full on hoarder, Mum hoarded so much crap. I'm sure she didn't realise it for the most part, she didn't remember buying stuff half the time, and to her it was quite normal to have so much material, as she was always sewing. We did have a great time looking over her old photos, she had so many different hairstyles and glasses over the years, was just hilarious. Of course, Caryn laughed very hard at the pics of me when I was younger lol.
Saturday dawned and off we set. As always happens with Garage Sales there is people there before the set time to start. We were trying to get stuff outside so we didn't have everyone walking into the house, and there was people coming down the driveway. And again, not even 8 am and I was the sweat machine lol. My other daughter Tara came down with her family, and I have to say her hubby was a great salesman, selling plants and pots outside that we didn't even think of selling, was awesome. Around 8 am, when we were scheduled to start the polite sewers arrived. They went crazy, well not crazy but were buying up the material and other stuff, having a field day. We had priced it all cheap, it wasn't anything we wanted, and they all knew that the prices were great. They were on the phone calling friends to come as well, was just fantastic.
A couple bought the basket of scissors, all of them. Naturally being macabre people we decided they must be serial killers, and as our dna and fingerprints were now on the scissors the finger of blame will be pointing directly at us lol. Another lady bought the full basket of cotton, another all the needles, went like hot cakes lol. We sold a lot of books as well, one guy bought 260 of them. Okay, so he owns a secondhand book store but still it was awesome lol. Another elderly gentleman was an absolute crackup, kept calling me girl lol. We had piles of books, and he was saying "Girl can you bend down and get that one, Nora Roberts, I want to look at all your Nora Roberts books." lol. He ended up buying a stack of them, and ordered his son (who was equally lovely) to carry them to the car. I was walking with him up the drive when he spotted the pots of orchids Mum had on the verandah. He ended up buying 2 huge pots, and arranged to come back and get them as there was no room left in the car lol.
It always amazes me what people will quibble over price wise. A huge bookshelf, selling for $15 and all these people are saying, no too much. Gave me the shits, especially when I know it cost alot more than that. But hey you don't want to pay it, don't, I wouldn't reduce the price and they left lol. There was a drink trolley that I offered to one woman for $5, no no too expensive, she came back later to get it, but I'd sold it lol.
So despite the fact there is still a shitload of books, pretty much all the magazines, and a bookshelf filled with material still left along with alot of furniture, it was a great day and we made a shitload of money. My girls help was fantastic, love them to bits.
Another thing Mum was doing was using powder constantly. When her doctor told her to use curash for a rash under her boobs, sorry tmi I know lol, she took it as gospel and used it constantly. Everything surface, every item of clothing, every nick nack, every book, and all over the carpet, fucking powder. A film of powder spreads everywhere, like some sort of creeping vine. After picking up something, your hands are covered in it. As the fans spin, the powder swirls in the air, horrible shit. Oh, speaking of fans. We had the ceiling fan in the back room on, and another smaller one we were selling. My deepest regret was selling the fan lol. I should of taken around some of mine, but someone could of sold them lol.
Sunday, I headed up to see Mum, picking Caryn up on the way, she'd spent the night at Tara's and gone out on the town lol. I was so happy to show Caryn how great the nursing home is. We went in, and the residents were all in the lounge playing games. Mum was shouting out all the answers lol. It's great and such a relief that she is really settling in well. She is basically only in her room to sleep, much like she was before she was diagnosed she is never in there, always out and about at different activities lol. We didn't stay long, it was lunchtime, but we were there long enough to see how happy she was. Sure she's still confused, and doesn't remember anything we say, but she's healthy and happy, what more could we ask for.
We did go back to Mum's and packed away some stuff, and I got photos to post online for what we didn't sell, then it was home to chill, laugh, gossip, drink and stuff our faces, perfect end to a hectic weekend. Tara texted to say she'd sold something online already lol, and that was the icing on the cake. Just perfect.
I know it's not finished, there is still the cleanup, more to try and sell, but I feel that for the first time in a long time, I'm getting myself back. No more having to go and check on Mum constantly, no more worrying about her every second of every day. I know she's in the best possible place she can be, and she's happy. The rest of it, the sale of the house and the clean up, are all just shit to get done. I'm not stressed over it. Will take it all to the tip if I have to lol.
At the end of the day, the message is this, get rid of your shit while you still can. Don't leave it to your family to do, it's not fair to expect others to do it for you. Don't waste time and money buying stuff you don't need or don't use. I'm not saying don't enjoy your life, because we should all do that, but when something is no longer needed, sell it, donate it, throw it in the trash, just clean it out.
Catch yas
Cathy
Oh almost forgot, we found her wedding dress. Was in great condition considering the last time it was worn was over 60 years ago. Caryn said "Why didn't you tell me about this dress, I could of gotten married in it?" I looked her up and down and said, "Nope would of been too small." we both cracked up lmfao.
We've always known that Mum has a lot of clothes, she has her favourites (that you see her wearing a lot), her just in cases, and her lets waste some money on something I don't need nor will I ever wear clothes. Last weekend we emptied her chest of drawers, one garbage bag of crap, one of donatable stuff, and a drawer full for her to take to the nursing home. Now don't go thinking, a drawer? seriously? you are horrible people lol. These drawers are big, she had 2 drawers full of socks, who the hell needs 70 (might be an exaggeration) pairs of socks. Black, navy, brown, white, orange, red and pale blue. My sock drawer, is black and white socks, that's it, and not even close to the number she had. She also had 2 drawers full of undies, bras and singlets. She now has 20 pairs of undies (she doesn't need that much, but they will wear out) about 4 bras, and 10 singlets. The next 2 drawers were filled with summer and winter pjs. She had enough to wear a different set every night, now she doesn't lol. She also had ones in with holes in them, or she had the pants but not the top to match, or vice a versa, pants with no elastic, and nighties that she never wears cause she hates nighties.
As I cull, I can't help but think what she could of done with the money she wasted. She could of renoed the kitchen like she wanted, or the bathroom which needed it. But nope, lets go shopping and buy shit I don't need. Had to go round to meet an agent this morning, so went early to start tackling her room again, yep still cleaning out one fucking room, and can't move onto the next until that is done. She has a small room off her bedroom, that was built as a study, but she turned into a walk in robe. That is now emptied, the 2 racks of clothes she had in there are now gone. I didn't get rid of it all lol, I have kept some, like the long sleeved tops and pants that she will need come winter. But no one needs 10 pairs of black track pants, and that isn't an exaggeration, unfortunately. I basically kept one pair of each colour for her. She can still mix and match, she likes to do that, but what she has is manageable and still more than me lol. I've got some piles that need to be labelled with the nifty new labels I got her, and stuff to pack away for winter. I was thinking today though, that with an 8 drawer chest of drawers and the wardrobe at the home, I might be able to fit all seasons in. Not that she could, but I damn well can, do it with my shit, so should be able to do it with hers lol.
I was up yesterday to take some stuff up and pay her a visit, was hanging a couple of things up and folding others, and she goes,
"Oh you need to hang those."
"They're track pants Mum, I'm not hanging track pants."
"They hold the iron crease better if hung."
"No one is ironing track pants Mum, they get folded, this is the space you have, nothing more, just this."
"Oh, can we get another wardrobe?"
I took a deep breath and said no, then continued with putting away her clothes lol.
So today I took 5 bags of clothes to donate, there are still 2 there, that I couldn't fit in the car, and I haven't started on her actual wardrobe yet. So yeh, you can see how much crap she has. I even found the covers for fold up umbrellas, she had 6 of them, no umbrellas to match just the covers lol. I also threw out most of the coat hangers she has, I'd say, out of the ones I threw away, 80% of them are the plastic ones they use in the store. And 20% of them were wire hangers that are just gross (yes Caryn, no wire hangers lol). She has 7 spare at the home, and about 30 on her bed, she won't need them, so I'll see if anyone in the family wants them, once I make sure she has enough.
Next to tackle will be her wardrobe, no doubt I'll get 5 bags to donate out of that as well, sigh. Out of the stuff I've selected for her to have at the home, I will probably cull again, seemed to me like it was too much, but it is both summer and winter, so once I sort that I'll have a better idea. Then I can finally get to her bed, strip it down, store the quilt after washing, and the blanket, the electric blanket I'll sell at the garage sale, and then I can move onto the next room. I have to admit, her room and the backroom are the worse, not going near my brothers room, that's up to him, I'd just go in there with a blow torch lol. The lounge suite is going to be sold, the tv is going with Andrew, and Mums chair is going with her, that just leaves a lamp (sell) some coffee tables (sell) exercise bike (sell), her old foldable table (not sure yet) and an old desk that is falling apart (tip). My old bedroom still has my original bed (tip), bookshelves (sell), Andrews pc and desk (going with him) and in the wardrobe, patchwork materials, wadding etc (sell). All in all, it's the clean up and deciding what needs to be preserved, like photos etc, what needs to be sold and what needs to be turfed lol.
With all of that, plus all the running around I'm doing, is it any wonder, I'm absolutely exhausted and have a constant headache. Well time to have some food, then back to it, sigh.
Catch yas
Cathy
Going to give you all a bit of background about what has been happening lately. Early December, Mum had yet another fall, which resulted in shattering bones in her arm and dislocating her shoulder, later also discovered was a small fracture in her hip. She's been in Hospital ever since.
This is Mums version, well we'll start with version one.
1. I was going outside to bring in the washing, and slipped under the clothesline. I called and called, and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee before taking me to the hospital. He was lovely.
2. I was going outside to do some gardening, when I slipped on the slope, probably because of the very long grass. I called and called for help, and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee before calling his wife, who was a nurse, and they took me to the hospital. Cathy came the next day.
3. I was outside, looking around, when I slipped on the slope, the ground was wet from the rain. I called for help and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee. His wife, who was a nurse, fixed my arm and all my cuts and scratches. She called Cathy who took me to the hospital. And I came home the next day and then went to rehab.
4. I'm not sure what happened, but a big strong man came with his wife and he carried me into the house. They called Cathy and she took me to the hospital.
Now, we don't know why she was outside. We suspect it was because she wanted to look at all the work the Rural Service had done on her yard. It had been raining heavily, so the ground was very wet. She did slip on the slope, not because of long grass, it had been mowed 3 days earlier, she wasn't gardening, it had all been done, and there was no washing on the line.
The woman who heard Mum calling for help, was a nurse, and was staying at her relatives house just behind Mum. Her husband, who was big, did not carry Mum into the house, they helped her up and she walked in. No one made her a sandwich, but she was having a cup of tea when I got there. The woman examined Mum, who had no cuts or scratches, and determined that at the least she had a dislocated shoulder, but suspected it was worse. I did drive Mum to the hospital. In all her versions there is elements of what really happened, but the recurring theme is the big strong man who carried her into the house, if I was a psychiatrist, I'd probably be able to determine why LOL.
I stayed at the hospital till about midnight, and signed her in, signed her in for surgery and signed the DNR. Get to the hospital the next day, and they've decided she's too high a risk for surgery, so they are going to let it heal on it's own, and she'd get physio.
It was decided to transfer her to Katoomba Hospital for rehab, so after 3 days in Nepean off she went. She's been there ever since. It's been over 35 days that she's been in hospital all up. We had a meeting with the physio, occupational therapist, social worker, and doctors, and determined that we all agreed it was in her best interest to go into a nursing home. She's had too many falls, each one more serious than the last, and her place is high risk for falls. We cannot sit with her 24/7, cause we have to work, and no one can afford at home care. She can't live at my place, it's to high risk for her as well, and my older brothers place is worse. It has not been an easy decision to make, but it is the right one.
What this means is 2 things, First had to find her a placement, usually means you have to wait for someone to die, and we have to sell her house to pay for this placement. It was lucky that the only place I had a chance to visit, actually opened up with a room for her. It's not the first choice of rooms, but it's comfortable and the nursing home is great. She gets to stay in the Blue Mountains, albeit further up than she has lived, but surrounded by bush and the beauty that comes with it. Her and Dad built the house she now owns, she's lived there since she was 21, or it could of been 20, she can't remember, and I wasn't born LOL. They bought the block, built the garage, lived in the garage and built the house. My older brother was born when they still lived in the garage, which is amazing. Can't picture myself in a garage with a baby lol.
Telling her what is happening is exhausting. She doesn't remember what you've just told her, so you say it all over again and again. What she does understand is that she needs to move to a nursing home. When I told her which one it was, she said, oh I would of preferred that one in Blaxland (there is none), or maybe where Nelda is ( Nelda has been her friend for years and lives in a retirement village where her and her late husband bought a unit. It does not do dementia care.) Her idea of living where Nelda is, is that they can go out together, go shopping etc. Ummm no you can't lol. Today she was telling me how she doesn't want to be stuck in the home with no chance of going out to the shops for a walk. She isn't grasping the concept, she is still thinking of it as living in a unit or something similar where she cooks and cleans, but has nurses on call. I just say to her that of course you can, not going to upset her, and since she doesn't remember what I just said, she'll ask again anyway.
When I arrived this afternoon, she asked if I was there to take her home, so I had to explain it all again to her. When I left, she asked when I was taking her home, so I just said Tuesday. When she does grasp the whole nursing home thing, she then wants to know if my younger brother Andrew will be moving in with her. To that I will always say no, not going to pretend that's happening lol. Through it all she has been concerned about him, she's worried about where he is going to go, I tell her that he's an adult, he's over 50, he has a job, he can find somewhere to live. She will then be astounded at the idea of him being over 50, but me being 58 she grasps lol.
This morning, I met my older brother at Mums to start putting some stuff together for her. I culled her wardrobe last year, pretty sure I mentioned it in a blog, but she still has so much. She had clothes she's never worn, and yet would always insist she needed more. She had clothes that are too big, or too small, pants with no elastic in the waist, pjs that are falling apart and a million pairs of socks and gloves. We've loaded a small suitcase, with some clothes for summer, undies, and socks. I have a bag with a selection of shoes, another with toiletries and her lap quilts are piled on top. I've packed enough clothes to last her a week, we filled a garbage bag full of us to send to charity, and we haven't begun to clean out her room. I will store her winter stuff somewhere here, as she only has a small wardrobe at the nursing home. I'm also planning on taking her chest of drawers up, which was full, but is now emptied. Between the 2 I will pack away enough clothes for her, and when it gets colder, will do a swap over. I was totally merciless with the clothes and jewellery. 2 drawers full of socks? No one needs that much. She has a huge built in robe, filled to the brim as well as clothes hanging in the study and others packed away. I have to make sure she has something for all 4 seasons, and if she needs anything more, it can be bought later. One thing I'm very glad of and that's that she will no longer be able to just duck to the shops and buy the paper, as she would always come home loaded down with absolute crap.
I cleaned out the bathroom, a full drawer and a half of makeup that is expired, or just empty. All gone now, took a small handful of makeup that was okay, shampoo etc, and it's not even enough to fill one of the drawers in her bathroom lol. But she does not need the rest of it. I can't help but think of how much she could of saved if she hadn't bought it all, such a waste of money. We will need to clear out the rest of the house, and finish her room of course, but it's way to much for 3 people to do in one morning. My younger brother Andrew, will take the fridge, microwave, washer and dryer as well as some bits of other furniture, and his own bedroom furniture. I'd like to give him an advance on any inheritance, but it will all depend on how much we get for the house. The bond we pay to the nursing home is fully refundable, and I want to set aside money for a funeral, and anything else she needs while she is still alive.
The whole thing is stressful, but once done, she will be in a warm, safe place, and able to live her life out comfortably. She's close enough for us all to visit, and we can, of course take her out, so for things like her birthday or Christmas she can spend with us. She wants me to take her shopping when I go, but no I won't. I'd rather take her out for morning tea, or lunch, which will be more relaxing.
So first, get her settled, next get the house cleaned up, have a garage sale, and sell the house. Then we can start to relax a bit, sigh. I've got a meeting with the solicitor in the morning, and on Tuesday, an agent is coming to give me a valuation on the house. It's all happening folks. Through it all, I can't do anything but continue to move, it has to be done, it is happening, no time to sit and think, no time to worry, just push on and get it done. Then I can sit down and pass out LOL.
Catch yas
Cathy
Happy New Year and I hope you all had a great Christmas. Mine was great, but there was something missing, or should I say someone.
A couple of weeks before Christmas, Mum had another fall. My plan for my leave was to get everything done in the first week, then head down to Caryns in the second week. I didn't get approved for the second weeks leave until the end Friday before I went on leave, so it was a bonus, but I would of usually gone down the first week. I'm glad I didn't get to do it that way this time, as I would of had to rush back to be with Mum. I got a call on Wednesday from a lady who had heard Mum calling out for help from her backyard. The woman happened to be a nurse visiting friends who lived behind Mum.
Any one I know on Facebook, knows that she recently had her yard done by the Rural Fire Service, and she had been most impressed. We'd had a little bit of rain so the yard was damp, and as she stepped onto the grass she slipped on the hill and down she went, landing on her left side. The story varies every time she tells it, of what she was doing outside. She told me she was going to do some gardening, then it was bringing in the washing, she's also said she was just looking at the job done, and thinking the lawn needed mowing (it didn't it had just been mowed). She has also said that a man carried her inside (she walked with assistance) and that they made her lunch and called an ambulance (they made her coffee and called me). They were wonderful and patient with her and recognised her as having alzheimers straight away. She was a nurse and knew Mum's arm was badly broken, and suggested I take her to hospital.
After waiting for about 4 hours she was finally admitted. Xrays showed a dislocated shoulder but she had splintered bones, not just broken them, splintered them. The decision was made to perform surgery the next day, and I left just before midnight, knowing she'd be looked after. The next day I found out that they weren't going to do surgery after all, given her age and the alzheimers. Elderly face bigger risks with surgery and they did not think it would improve her life at all. I was disappointed because to me it would be done, and she'd be able to be back home and we could get care for her. It was decided to send her to Katoomba Hospital which has a rehab facility, where they could monitor her pain and help her shower, etc. She is left handed, so not being able to use her left arm is difficult for her. She is able to use her right, has always been ambidextrous, but not being able to use her left at all, has thrown her.
Naturally she has been incredibly confused. I made the decision to still get away for a week as I knew she was in great hands, and my older bro and elder daughter would visit and make sure all was fine. It wasn't an easy decision, but I had to get away for a break, and it was great, just what I needed.
We had hoped to bring Mum home for Christmas Day at least, but after discussions with doctors, physios, occupational therapists and a social worker, we decided that being at my house for Christmas was too much for all of us. It had also been discovered that she had a fracture in one of the bones in her pelvis, something that hadn't been picked up before. My home is not wheelchair friendly and with 9 kids running around with a dog and 2 cats, we thought it would be too much. I visited on Christmas Day with my daughter, her hubby and 6 kids. We were able to go into the dining room, lots more space and the kids couldn't go out to the garden as it was raining. But it was good, and Mum loved it. Naturally, she totally forgot that it even happened, telling my brother how disappointed she was that they had left without visiting her LOL, he had a copy of the pic we took and showed it to her, pretty sure she would say it was photo shopped if she knew what photo shop was LOL.
After our meeting we've come to the conclusion that keeping Mum at home is no longer an option, she needs to be cared for in ways we cannot. She needs to be social and we can't be there constantly for her. We've discussed all this with Mum and she has agreed. But that was for one day, the next she wanted to know when I was taking her home. The day after it was talk about moving into an over 55's place, and that way my younger brother could live with her. Then she was back to moving to a nursing home and all happy about it. It changes daily, she called me not so long ago wanting to know what time I was going to pick her up and take her home. For most things I let her live with her delusions, but this is one thing I won't lie about. Again I told her how we were looking at nursing homes, and how we would have to sell her house, etc. Again she worried about my younger brother, again I told her he can suck it up because she is the priority. Again she asked me when I was picking her up to take her home.
The sad fact is she needs 24/7 care, and we cannot provide it for her. Sure she could go back home, sure she is capable of using the bathroom herself, doing laundry and a bit of cooking. But what happens the next time she decides she wants to bring in imaginary laundry or trim a plant that doesn't exist? Or even if she decides she can go to the shops by herself? She's had 2 falls in 6 mths, and more before that. We aren't there to monitor her every movement, we can't be because we have to work. We can't provide her with the social side of life with her peers which she needs. And to be honest I believe she'll have a blast meeting 'new' people every day, because lets face it, they will be new faces every day as she won't remember meeting them before. It's unfortunate that this is the decision we have to make, but she is not who she was, she won't ever be again, and she will only get worse.
The hospital has had to put a pressure mat at the side of her bed, as she gets up in the middle of the night and tries to walk unaided to the bathroom. She will scoff when you tell her she can't do it saying, but the bathroom is just there, and yes it is just there, but she is unstable on her feet, what if she has another fall. At first we had trouble getting her to keep her arm in the sling, much like her taking the plaster off her finger and removing the pin, she would keep taking it off. She's finally keeping that on, but we can't stop being vigilant with her. In the new year, we will start booking tours of facilities that we have selected, we have forms to fill out, she is having a new ACAT on Wednesday, and I need to speak to her solicitor about the house and what we need to do. Obviously it needs to be cleaned out LOL, but what is the next step. Never done this before, don't want to ever do it again either.
There is still funny moments, she got a lot of chocolate for Christmas, and when I get it out of her little bedside cupboard, her face lights up and she asks where I got that from, then we gorge LOL. Every time it's the same, she doesn't remember that it's there, so it's joy at the discovery. My older bro and I were chatting the other day about how having a mother in rehab is giving us street cred. The fact we come from a broken home, just adds to it all LOL. Okay my parents separated when I was 20, but hey broken home sounds better. We are planning a crime spree, figure the judge will go easier on us with the whole broken home mother in rehab thing, what chance do kids like us have LOL.
I hate that we have to do this, I hate that she can't live at home longer than she has, I hate this feeling of taking the easy way. I know it's not the easy way, I know she can't live at home, but I can still hate it. and I'll just have to deal with the guilt. Despite getting to spend Christmas with my family, Mum not being there has put a whole downer on the celebration. It is in a way similar to the first Christmas without Don, but I will get through this and I know she will be happier. She will be able to tell her stories over and over, she will be looked after, and we know she will not be out walking the streets LOL.
Catch yas in the New Year
Cathy
Very soon, Australians are going to be asked to basically vote on whether or not gay men and women will be allowed to marry under the Marriage Act. Our Government is to afraid to make the decision themselves so has decided to hold a plebiscite costing millions of tax payer dollars to say Yes or No. For us to decide whether 2 people who are in love and want to commit to each other should be allowed to have a legal marriage. Rather than simply making the decision themselves at no cost, or having it included in our next Federal Election, the idiots thought "Hey let's waste some money." Yep that's what it is a waste of fucking money.
Not everyone wants to say yes, fair enough, you don't have to. I've seen people ranting and posting online about how it is the decline of our country and how it will lead to pedophilia and bestiality, how gays are out to destroy God's world. Ummm, okay then, maybe if that's how you think you shouldn't have the right to vote, the males who say it are probably trying to tell their wives what to do and ruing the day women were given the vote. I don't mean that saying no makes you an idiot, I mean that telling everyone that it will lead us down the path of destruction is idiotic. Gay people around the world want the same thing as hetero people. They want to get married and have the rights of all married people given to them. They want to be able to formally marry the one they love. That's all they want. They don't want to marry someone under age, they don't want to marry a pet dog, they want to marry an adult who wants to marry them.
The only change that will be made to the Marriage Act is the definition of the union of marriage, that currently states between a man and a woman. The legal age to marry will not change, the fact you can't marry your brother or sister will not change, you won't suddenly be able to marry your dog either. We won't see an influx of sex education in schools to include sex between homosexuals, our children won't suddenly be encouraged to put on a dress or pair of pants, this is not the end of civilization people!!!
I'm not gay, have never had any inclination to be gay, but I will be voting Yes. The reason I will be voting Yes, is because I've actually thought about it, for a long time. I have gay friends who would love to be married legally in Australia, and I would love for them to be happy. But that's not why I'm voting Yes. I have grandchildren who may one day tell us they are gay, but that's not why I'm voting Yes. I haven't been pressured into voting Yes. I will be voting Yes because I can't vote any other way and still call myself a decent human being. Who am I to take away someones right to be happy? Who am I to tell consenting adults they don't have the same rights as me? I'm not doing anything that I don't feel I should do. I'm not giving permission for pedophiles or anything else disgusting, I'm saying that I want my neighbour, my friend, to have the same rights as me. I don't want anyone to thank me for my vote, I don't need someone to pat me on the back, I'm doing what I feel is just and fair.
Our world is made up of many different people. We have different skin colours, we speak different languages, our culture is different, our religion is different, but we are all humans. We all have the right to love and be loved regardless of our sexual orientation. I've read so called Christians online declaring that being gay is a sin, who are you to speak for your God? Isn't he the one you say passes down judgment and yet there you are judging. People are either born gay or they aren't, it's that simple. There is no on or off switch, no one gets up in the morning and decides they will be gay today, but not tomorrow. A consenting gay adult is the same as any heterosexual consenting adult. They get up and go to work, just like the rest of us. They go out for dinner with their partner, just like the rest of us. In fact they are us. There shouldn't be an us or them, we are all the same, we love, we laugh, we cry.
We are all human, we all deserve to be treated the same. If your choice is to vote No, that's your choice. All I would ask is that you think seriously about how you think your life is going to really change if your gay neighbour or coworker gets married. How is it really going to affect you? And be honest, leave off the ranting and raving, really think about it. Do your research if you must, but take a good hard look at why you feel you must say No before you decide and send in your vote. Always remember that marriage is not just for procreation, many hetero couples get married and never have children because they don't want to. Remember, too, that only your God is allowed to judge others, not you.
Okay folks there's my 2 cents worth LOL.
Catch yas
Cathy
As many of you know, Mum is currently in hospital. She had a fall on Wednesday evening while having a walk, was okay on Thursday but after discussion my younger brother and I thought it would be a good idea if I checked up on her on Friday and if necessary took her to the doctors. I was starting work at 8 and figured Mum would still be asleep so I'd go round on my break at 10 am. I get there and no dirty dishes in sink, so realised she must still be in bed. Go into her room to find her half in and half out of the bed unable to move (except for the uncontrollable shaking) as she couldn't get up, cause of the pain. I did try and lift her, but couldn't manage it, so had to call an ambulance for her.
Hours later she is finally given a bed, and I've explained for the millionth time that she has Alzheimers and no she has no allergies. I was told that she would be moved to a ward during the night. She is in the old farts ward with all the others who have lost their minds LOL, they have a sign on the door requesting the door be kept locked at all times as many of their patients wander. I have to say I love the security but at the same time, every time I've gone in, no one is up and about, most of them are in their beds, some in chairs, but none walking LOL.
As I had to work yesterday, I didn't get down until after my shift finished and she was telling me some truly wonderful stories about all the visitors she'd had, including people who I never knew existed LOL. She has been having a lovely time talking to her mum (she died years ago) in the bed opposite. The woman in the bed opposite is actually very badly affected by either dementia or alzheimers, she talks to herself and is constantly removing her hospital gown LOL. Can't remember Nana doing any of that hehehehe. It's fine if she talks to her, but when the lady talks she isn't actually talking to Mum, just that Mum thinks she is LOL.
I came to the conclusion after thinking about what she had said during our visit that she doesn't realise she's in the hospital (although if you ask her where she is she will say the hospital), but rather on holidays somewhere. Apparently she had a lovely visit with my younger daughter who is staying in the room next door, with her sister who is upstairs, and with my cousins Peter and Paul. I don't have cousins called Peter and Paul, well I have a cousin Peter on my fathers side, but when questioned Mum said they were her cousin Chris's boys and they were lovely. Her cousin Chris, has one child, called Ben LOL. He is lovely though. She also told the woman in the bed next to her that I was her sister, pretty insulting considering Mum is 81 and I'm 57 LOL.
Every meal time she tries to wrap up her leftovers and get someone to put them in the fridge for her so she can have them tomorrow, apparently the nurses told her she could do this, somehow I doubt that LOL. She is also giving away the hospitals things, wanted me to take the hand sanitiser and some towels when I left, and it wouldn't surprise me if she suggests the TV or bed next LOL. Whenever I tell her that she can't do that, she gets all frustrated and tells me that she was told she could, and then she gets this look on her face like I'm taking away a favorite toy.
Her washing machine has been broken for a couple of months now and the only way to start it is by pressing delay start, it's inconvenient and a right pain in the arse, but it was working. Since I've been looking after her finances I managed to save enough to get her a new machine on Sunday. I mentioned to her that I'd gotten her a new washing machine, and she goes, "That reminds me, please make sure I don't forget to put on a load of washing before we leave. I want to make sure to pay them back for having us." Sure Mum I'll do that LOL. And that one statement is the one that played in my mind and made me come to the realisation she thinks she's on holiday LOL.
The best thing to do with Mum at this point is to let her just talk and talk. You don't have to understand what she's saying, which is good cause I sure don't, but just listen. I do correct her though regarding the food, cause yeh that can't keep happening. I keep thinking I'll open the bedside cupboard and find a stash of food in there LOL.
Still not sure when she'll be allowed home, I know it won't be until she is more stable as she will need to manage on her own while my brother and I are working. I'm confident that she will be able to before to long, or maybe that's wishful thinking LOL.
Catch yas
Cathy
