Life in the Twilight Zone - A Change is in the Air

Going to give you all a bit of background about what has been happening lately. Early December, Mum had yet another fall, which resulted in shattering bones in her arm and dislocating her shoulder, later also discovered was a small fracture in her hip. She's been in Hospital ever since. 

This is Mums version, well we'll start with version one. 

1. I was going outside to bring in the washing, and slipped under the clothesline. I called and called, and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee before taking me to the hospital. He was lovely.

2. I was going outside to do some gardening, when I slipped on the slope, probably because of the very long grass. I called and called for help, and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee before calling his wife, who was a nurse, and they took me to the hospital. Cathy came the next day.

3. I was outside, looking around, when I slipped on the slope, the ground was wet from the rain. I called for help and a neighbour man, who was big and strong, came and carried me into the house. He made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee. His wife, who was a nurse, fixed my arm and all my cuts and scratches. She called Cathy who took me to the hospital. And I came home the next day and then went to rehab.

4. I'm not sure what happened, but a big strong man came with his wife and he carried me into the house. They called Cathy and she took me to the hospital. 

Now, we don't know why she was outside. We suspect it was because she wanted to look at all the work the Rural Service had done on her yard. It had been raining heavily, so the ground was very wet. She did slip on the slope, not because of long grass, it had been mowed 3 days earlier, she wasn't gardening, it had all been done, and there was no washing on the line. 

The woman who heard Mum calling for help, was a nurse, and was staying at her relatives house just behind Mum. Her husband, who was big, did not carry Mum into the house, they helped her up and she walked in. No one made her a sandwich, but she was having a cup of tea when I got there. The woman examined Mum, who had no cuts or scratches, and determined that at the least she had a dislocated shoulder, but suspected it was worse. I did drive Mum to the hospital. In all her versions there is elements of what really happened, but the recurring theme is the big strong man who carried her into the house, if I was a psychiatrist, I'd probably be able to determine why LOL.

I stayed at the hospital till about midnight, and signed her in, signed her in for surgery and signed the DNR. Get to the hospital the next day, and they've decided she's too high a risk for surgery, so they are going to let it heal on it's own, and she'd get physio. 

It was decided to transfer her to Katoomba Hospital for rehab, so after 3 days in Nepean off she went. She's been there ever since. It's been over 35 days that she's been in hospital all up. We had a meeting with the physio, occupational therapist, social worker, and doctors, and determined that we all agreed it was in her best interest to go into a nursing home. She's had too many falls, each one more serious than the last, and her place is high risk for falls. We cannot sit with her 24/7, cause we have to work, and no one can afford at home care. She can't live at my place, it's to high risk for her as well, and my older brothers place is worse. It has not been an easy decision to make, but it is the right one. 

What this means is 2 things, First had to find her a placement, usually means you have to wait for someone to die, and we have to sell her house to pay for this placement. It was lucky that the only place I had a chance to visit, actually opened up with a room for her. It's not the first choice of rooms, but it's comfortable and the nursing home is great. She gets to stay in the Blue Mountains, albeit further up than she has lived, but surrounded by bush and the beauty that comes with it. Her and Dad built the house she now owns, she's lived there since she was 21, or it could of been 20, she can't remember, and I wasn't born LOL. They bought the block, built the garage, lived in the garage and built the house. My older brother was born when they still lived in the garage, which is amazing. Can't picture myself in a garage with a baby lol. 

Telling her what is happening is exhausting. She doesn't remember what you've just told her, so you say it all over again and again. What she does understand is that she needs to move to a nursing home. When I told her which one it was, she said, oh I would of preferred that one in Blaxland (there is none), or maybe where Nelda is ( Nelda has been her friend for years and lives in a retirement village where her and her late husband bought a unit. It does not do dementia care.) Her idea of living where Nelda is, is that they can go out together, go shopping etc. Ummm no you can't lol. Today she was telling me how she doesn't want to be stuck in the home with no chance of going out to the shops for a walk. She isn't grasping the concept, she is still thinking of it as living in a unit or something similar where she cooks and cleans, but has nurses on call. I just say to her that of course you can, not going to upset her, and since she doesn't remember what I just said, she'll ask again anyway. 

When I arrived this afternoon, she asked if I was there to take her home, so I had to explain it all again to her. When I left, she asked when I was taking her home, so I just said Tuesday. When she does grasp the whole nursing home thing, she then wants to know if my younger brother Andrew will be moving in with her. To that I will always say no, not going to pretend that's happening lol. Through it all she has been concerned about him, she's worried about where he is going to go, I tell her that he's an adult, he's over 50, he has a job, he can find somewhere to live. She will then be astounded at the idea of him being over 50, but me being 58 she grasps lol. 

This morning, I met my older brother at Mums to start putting some stuff together for her. I culled her wardrobe last year, pretty sure I mentioned it in a blog, but she still has so much. She had clothes she's never worn, and yet would always insist she needed more. She had clothes that are too big, or too small, pants with no elastic in the waist, pjs that are falling apart and a million pairs of socks and gloves. We've loaded a small suitcase, with some clothes for summer, undies, and socks. I have a bag with a selection of shoes, another with toiletries and her lap quilts are piled on top. I've packed enough clothes to last her a week, we filled a garbage bag full of us to send to charity, and we haven't begun to clean out her room. I will store her winter stuff somewhere here, as she only has a small wardrobe at the nursing home. I'm also planning on taking her chest of drawers up, which was full, but is now emptied. Between the 2 I will pack away enough clothes for her, and when it gets colder, will do a swap over. I was totally merciless with the clothes and jewellery. 2 drawers full of socks? No one needs that much. She has a huge built in robe, filled to the brim as well as clothes hanging in the study and others packed away. I have to make sure she has something for all 4 seasons, and if she needs anything more, it can be bought later. One thing I'm very glad of and that's that she will no longer be able to just duck to the shops and buy the paper, as she would always come home loaded down with absolute crap. 

I cleaned out the bathroom, a full drawer and a half of makeup that is expired, or just empty. All gone now, took a small handful of makeup that was okay, shampoo etc, and it's not even enough to fill one of the drawers in her bathroom lol. But she does not need the rest of it. I can't help but think of how much she could of saved if she hadn't bought it all, such a waste of money. We will need to clear out the rest of the house, and finish her room of course, but it's way to much for 3 people to do in one morning. My younger brother Andrew, will take the fridge, microwave, washer and dryer as well as some bits of other furniture, and his own bedroom furniture. I'd like to give him an advance on any inheritance, but it will all depend on how much we get for the house. The bond we pay to the nursing home is fully refundable, and I want to set aside money for a funeral, and anything else she needs while she is still alive. 

The whole thing is stressful, but once done, she will be in a warm, safe place, and able to live her life out comfortably. She's close enough for us all to visit, and we can, of course take her out, so for things like her birthday or Christmas she can spend with us. She wants me to take her shopping when I go, but no I won't. I'd rather take her out for morning tea, or lunch, which will be more relaxing. 

So first, get her settled, next get the house cleaned up, have a garage sale, and sell the house. Then we can start to relax a bit, sigh. I've got a meeting with the solicitor in the morning, and on Tuesday, an agent is coming to give me a valuation on the house. It's all happening folks. Through it all, I can't do anything but continue to move, it has to be done, it is happening, no time to sit and think, no time to worry, just push on and get it done. Then I can sit down and pass out LOL. 

Catch yas
Cathy