Defining moments

Here I sit on the eve of my eldest childs 28th birthday, flashing back 28 yrs to one of the many defining moments of my life. 28 yrs ago my friend called me to tell me I better not go into labour on Friday as it was Black Friday and no way was she driving me to hospital. We laughed about it, but both of us knew with her families luck it might not be a good thing if she did have to take me. 1 am Friday the 13th found me sitting on the loo (toilet) with gastric, okay maybe tmi, but too damn bad this is my blog :). It didn't take me long to realise what I thought were cramps were actually coming at pretty regular intervals and were actually labour pains. When I could finally get up off the loo I went and woke up my husband to take me to the hospital.

My doctor worked out of Katoomba hospital which was about a half hrs drive, well when I drive anyway, from where we were living at the time. Did my husband put petrol in the car as I requested earlier in the day, of course he didn't. So we had to stop on the way to get fuel. I'm sitting in the car in agony while he's in chatting to the attendant about how he's taking his pregnant wife to hospital to have a baby. The guy was congratulating him and chatting away while I sat and waited and waited. I finally got the shits and got out and waddled around to the drivers door, it was only when he saw me getting into the car that he came running out shouting, wait wait. Pissed of with husband number 1. I totally tuned out any apologies I didn't give a damn what the bastard said. Get to the hospital and he's told he might as well go home and go to work as I'll be there for hours, naturally he does, pissed off number 2. Stuck inside a labour ward with no company just me and my yet to be born daughter, I grew more and more pissed, so that will make pissed off number 3 as I was pissed I had to get pissed at him.

Pretty much a blur for a while, until she was finally ready to be born, and the nurse announced my husband was outside all gowned up and ready to come in. Revenge time, tell him no, I don't want him in here he can fuck off, god revenge is good I felt alot better after that. The medical students were allowed to come in, didn't give a damn about them, and it was even better revenge knowing I'd let strangers in but not him. Tara turned in the birth canal, and the cord was around her neck, wasn't causing her any stress at that stage but she'd managed to get herself stuck, so they called for forceps, damn barbaric instruments of torture. At that stage though all I'm thinking is get this baby out however you damn well want. My doctor wasn't there as it turned out he was away skiing for the weekend, his doctor wife was in attendance and she couldn't operate the forceps safely so call in a specialist. When I looked up and saw him I thought he looked familiar, couldn't figure out why over the haze of pain, but it came to me later, I'd actually helped him sort out a problem with his rates before I went on maternity leave, such a small world.

Much swearing and pain later, she's born. The most beautiful baby in the world. She was covered in muck but  I didn't even notice, I'm pretty sure no mother ever does. I made a vow to myself then and there, if anyone ever did anything to hurt her I would defend her with my life and they would have to deal with me. There I was, Friday the 13th July 1984 holding this gorgeous baby that I had made, okay his sperm went into the mix too, but she was all me, which as it turned out later was a very good thing.

He was finally allowed in and began the whining about not being allowed in earlier, I shoved his daughter at him and told him, shut the fuck up hold our gorgeous baby and get over it (probably shouldn't of started the swearing in front of her then, but hey she had years to get used to it LOL). I have to admit, although it pains me greatly to say so, he was always wonderful with her, at least for the first couple of years. I could say if I knew then what I know now blah blah, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Without him I wouldn't have 2 gorgeous girls, would never of met my wonderful second husband through my ex in laws and then had my son. So despite how he turned out, it was all worth it.

Having Tara was not my first defining moment, but it is the first memorable one. We all make decisions, say yes or no to something that ends up changing our lives, but without that first yes our lives would have been completely different. We can say if I knew now till the cows come home, but we have to step back and look at our lives and would we seriously change anything. Could we honestly live without the children we have now, cause lets face it, if we were with someone else, maybe we wouldn't have children, maybe we would of had a life not worth living. Of course we might of had a better life, but despite all the crap I've been through the only thing I would change if I could is that my loved husband had not died when he did. He was always going to die, such was his illness, but I would of loved it if me and the kids could of had more time with him. If our son had of had the chance to get to know him, and if I had of had him to love for a bit longer. But again, that would of steered the course of our lives to a different place, I might not have the grandchildren I have now. Who knows how the kids would of turned out, and I don't want to change what I have now, I might be sad to have missed out on so much, and I might regret that my children missed so much, but we are happy and we have each other as well as so much more and why would anyone in their right mind want to change that.

So to my eldest child, my beautiful daughter Tara, on this the eve of your 28th birthday, I say I love you and I give thanks everyday for the joy you have given me and continue to give me as I've watched you grow and learn and begin your own journey with your husband and family. I wish for you many more defining moments of your own and a life full of as much love and joy as mine has been.